BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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Drink this!

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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You look... clean

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!