*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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So when' the baby due?

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Damn you look good in beer goggles.

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!