-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +113

I've got candy.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Girl: Hey classy older man, wanna get to know me better? Man: Sigh... sorry lady I am the man that played Gandalf in that... shitty lords of something movie... Girl: so what? Man: Sigh... you know.. Gandalf the white and Gandalf the gay...? Girl: Huh? Man: Ever seen the X-men? Girl: Yeah... Man: ONE WORD: FAGNETO! Girl: uh.. okay.. "leaves". Ian McKellen: Sigh... should have come out of the closet sooner...

thumb_up thumb_down -24

guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

thumb_up thumb_down -51

girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

thumb_up thumb_down +56

why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

thumb_up thumb_down +66

You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

thumb_up thumb_down +128

-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

thumb_up thumb_down

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!