B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

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Man: I wanna know what love iiiiiiis... And I want you to show meeeeeeeeee! *Woman slams man with baseball bat* Man: Urgh... ARGH MY FACE BLEEDING EVERYWHERE! WHYYYY! Woman: I love baseball! Moral: Stupid singing idiot, if that is not the worst pick up line ever, then some other is!

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

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Get in the van.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!