Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

thumb_up thumb_down +142

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

thumb_up thumb_down -55

fancy going halves on a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

thumb_up thumb_down -44

did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

thumb_up thumb_down -51

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

thumb_up thumb_down -64

"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I'll eat your poop

thumb_up thumb_down +6

who wants to play EPAR

thumb_up thumb_down +19

your almost as hot as my wife

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

thumb_up thumb_down -160

Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

thumb_up thumb_down +61

*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

thumb_up thumb_down +111

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!