your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

you actually look alright with the lights on.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

thumb_up thumb_down +177

When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

thumb_up thumb_down -165

Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

thumb_up thumb_down -12

- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +289

Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

thumb_up thumb_down +284

- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +162

For the males that do not know what I mean with "woman screams" comment below... well HAHAHAHAHAH LOSERS LOOOOOOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEERS! Moral: Read a book about females more interesting parts one day you lazy bastard... as for the girls... I am not talking about anything bad nor dirty... just 12 hour orgasms and such nice things... WHAT? YOU GONNA TELL ME THAT IS HORRIBLE? Well in that case you dont know what you are missing... and you wont ever know.... Ps: Can you believe I am actually trying to get thumbs downs but keep getting upped? Thanks for accepting my ever growing controversial nature, lets keep it that way and soon moral man will uh... receive a medal for uh... well a small keychain for... uh... you know what? Never mind.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +189

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

thumb_up thumb_down -333

GET IN THE VAN!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -99

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

thumb_up thumb_down +321

- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!