-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

thumb_up thumb_down -54

A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

thumb_up thumb_down -93

did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

thumb_up thumb_down -6

I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

thumb_up thumb_down +169

“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

thumb_up thumb_down +250

man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

thumb_up thumb_down -214

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

thumb_up thumb_down +54

How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

thumb_up thumb_down +91

your boobs are bigger than my nose

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

thumb_up thumb_down +186

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +81

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

thumb_up thumb_down +112

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down -99

How much do you like peanut butter?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!