I'll punch ya!

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!