-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

thumb_up thumb_down +30

-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

sound of zipper

thumb_up thumb_down +38

It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

thumb_up thumb_down -50

hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

thumb_up thumb_down -150

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

thumb_up thumb_down +28

The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +117

What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

thumb_up thumb_down -168

Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

thumb_up thumb_down

That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down +2

you actually look alright with the lights on.

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Whatever I'll just date myself.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

thumb_up thumb_down -118

Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!