2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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who wants to play EPAR

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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You look... clean

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!