I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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EVERYONE ELSE

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!