"Don't scream"

thumb_up thumb_down +89

Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down +7

My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down

you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

thumb_up thumb_down +35

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Business Y U No Advertise?

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Penis. I got it

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

thumb_up thumb_down -149

Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

thumb_up thumb_down +113

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

thumb_up thumb_down +145

roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!