Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!