-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!