Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!