-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Moral man: Hey ladies... wanna read my "moral man original jokes?" then you are at the right place! Just scroll down the newest section and you will feel, insulted, charmed, happy, sad, and all that stuff you always wanted! Except beaten up... Moral man do other things to women... BTW I used to write comics (not draw them) for STUPIDO once... well I cant say more... Girl: "Reads": OMG I SO WANT YOU! Moral: If you are gonna like me less (or more) because of the "infomercial" nature of this anti-joke, then you must be the kind that yells to the TV a lot, and throw bricks at the television when it says "this show is presented by" So just do it, prove you are a nutcase, give me that luxury.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!