Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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