Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Im gonna rape you..

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I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!