Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

thumb_up thumb_down +75

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

thumb_up thumb_down -126

Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Man:Yeah, hey yo I'm feelin' like Ray Charles I got my shades on, I don't know where they are You couldn't find me even if you had a radar And I spit rapidly AKAR! Woman: OK ok so you claim to be Ray Charles and all, not that you look like him nor have the same voice... but tell me, how the hell did Ray Charles himself manage to get himself stuck in the ladies sauna room eh? Man: To catch the sight of them boobies! I mean... uh... I do not know young lady, I must feel my way out of here, I hmm... no, this is too soft and round to be a doorknob, and this one is too big and round... hmm... maybe if I try lower I will... oh excuse the pole its my walking stick which I keep in my pants...

thumb_up thumb_down +77

A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

thumb_up thumb_down +65

guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

thumb_up thumb_down -55

M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Give me some sugar... honey.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Man: Wanna see the best pick up line ever? Its an ancient secret kept for millions of years! Girl: SURE! Man: It only reveals to the fully drunk though so lets get drinking.. Girl: uh... okay... I guess.. Man: Drunk enough? Girl: Ulp... you betcha weird man! Man: Ok its hidden at my place so lets go! Girl: WOHOO!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Does it smell in here or it just you?

thumb_up thumb_down -141

-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Sugar-free sugar cookies

thumb_up thumb_down +42

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Hey baby, wanna make $50?

thumb_up thumb_down +236

Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -39

*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

thumb_up thumb_down -187

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!