At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

thumb_up thumb_down +58

"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

thumb_up thumb_down -32

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -151

M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +148

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

thumb_up thumb_down

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

thumb_up thumb_down +718

Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

thumb_up thumb_down -143

Im gonna rape you..

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

thumb_up thumb_down -111

Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down +40

If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

thumb_up thumb_down +128

I'll eat your poop

thumb_up thumb_down -3

I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!