Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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Want to go out? No

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

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At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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my dick is 2 inches

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!