Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

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2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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"You'll do."

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!