-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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free candy....

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!