Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Want to go out? No

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Hello, it's nice to meet you.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!