Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!