-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

you actually look alright with the lights on.

Hey baby, wanna make $50?

what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

I have a really big..... Bank Account

Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

Get in the van.

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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