Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!