I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

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Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!