"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

thumb_up thumb_down -70

can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

thumb_up thumb_down +154

haha

thumb_up thumb_down -58

yo im will smith yo, thats my name and I was juzz wonderin if you ever you know like the beach or bbq because stuff happen yanno and while I do some rap id just belieeve that things are a bit crazy these times so I was thinking maybe ill ask you out right? But then I was like WHAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAA and... Hey gurl where you goin im just getting warmed up. Moral: I met the guy, day one I had a great day, day two I didnt get any sleep and now I hate him, the end.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

thumb_up thumb_down +217

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

thumb_up thumb_down +165

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

thumb_up thumb_down +139

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

thumb_up thumb_down +66

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

thumb_up thumb_down +11

-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

thumb_up thumb_down +114

Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

thumb_up thumb_down +67

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

thumb_up thumb_down +161

You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -140

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

thumb_up thumb_down +148

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -155

Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -132

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!