Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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