excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

Lol, again I am on a adrenaline... well let me be subtle... GANGBANGING WITH ANAL, PUSSY, TWO GIRLS FIGHTING OVER ONE COCK (Ladies there is enough down there to share)... ...Anyway, it reminds me of when I was 21, and I was like "You know what? Threesomes and that kinda stuff is nice and all, but I am a grown up now and... ...TSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs Today I am 32, Married, (Hey my wife is into stuff, so its not cheating if she is the one enjoying while I videotape sometimes okay? (Never on cam, you crazy? You cant sell that shit! Okay I am kidding, the collection is personal) Ps: Seriously girls, one thing is that you smear yourself with my cumshots okay? But Hugging me afterwards? DATS SICK! (Name is Nero, I am not black, I am Hispanic, Latino Sexy... Well, actually when I take a look in the mirror I go, "meh well some guys got the looks"... ...I wont lie though, either my looks dont matter shite, or girls really like it...

Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

hey baby i just came in my pants

-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!