"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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cockface

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!