-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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Have you met Ted?

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hey bitch

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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So when' the baby due?

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

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all in all it was a good orgy

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!