Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

whats up ho

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

Does it smell in here or it just you?

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

Do you want to see something swell?

Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!