Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!