Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

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Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!