-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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your almost as hot as my wife

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!