-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

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M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

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So when' the baby due?

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!