- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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You look exactly like my sister.

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!