Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

thumb_up thumb_down +55

why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

thumb_up thumb_down -21

He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

thumb_up thumb_down +103

Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

thumb_up thumb_down +109

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

-I love you.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

thumb_up thumb_down +112

Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

thumb_up thumb_down -125

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

thumb_up thumb_down +122

Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

thumb_up thumb_down +164

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

thumb_up thumb_down +216

I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +168

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!