Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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Penis. I got it

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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you look like my mother

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!