Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

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Have you met Ted?

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!