Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

thumb_up thumb_down +97

Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

thumb_up thumb_down +83

did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

thumb_up thumb_down +35

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

thumb_up thumb_down -61

You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Gaywatch starts

thumb_up thumb_down -49

M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

thumb_up thumb_down +135

hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!