Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

thumb_up thumb_down +36

M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +115

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

thumb_up thumb_down -74

If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Five dollar women... WOO!

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

thumb_up thumb_down +179

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

thumb_up thumb_down -34

- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

thumb_up thumb_down +105

male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

thumb_up thumb_down -98

-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

thumb_up thumb_down +318

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down +177

Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!