I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!