A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

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Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!