Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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who wants to play EPAR

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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can i take a dump in your mouth?

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!