- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

rohypnol. rape drug

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

so... you're a girl,huh?

M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!