Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!