Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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-hey, come here a minute.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!