Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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