Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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I'll eat your poop

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!