Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!