I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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Sex?

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!