You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!