-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

Man enters bar: Man: I AM MORAL MAN! My spear shall cut down the zealots, and my shield shall block (yeah you wish) be used as a additional weapon to push people down so I can thrust my spear even deeper into their hatred filled hearts! Woman: WOW! Moral: This pickup line wont work of course... not for you you aren`t the one and only EPIC: MORAL MAN! ;) Aka Epic man to those that still fail to understand that my morals are morals for a new order! No more religious wars, no more pedophiles, no more hatecrime... stand by me, and I shall not only speak for you, but also fight for you!

-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!