Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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your almost as hot as my wife

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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Hello children! :D

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!