guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!