"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

I'll eat your poop

Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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