If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!