roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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are you on fire?

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!