Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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Stop Footing Around

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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-hey, come here a minute.

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!