Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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whats up ho

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!