- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

How much do you like peanut butter?

Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

Walking to your car alone later?

A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book