- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Man: Hello there my name is... Woman: I wish you where water... Man: So you can swallow me? Hey not so fast baby! I dont like em fast. Woman: You did not let me finish! Man: Whatever, gotta go... Moral: Girls... women... you may be mysterious, but unlocking your secrets is my favorite pastime... I CHARRENGE YOU!... Then again I never liked women throwing themselves at me without me saying a word (not that it happens very often)¨ Ps: I see some other people have started to add "morals" to their stories, without success sadly, keep going kids, and people will always of course know who the real "Moral man is" because of the cheap nature of my fantastically silly and "dragged out of the ass" nature of my morals...

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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I hate you already.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!