"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Hi I am THE MORAL MAN! Moral: I am not famous enough yet it seems... except around my block where woman screams have been so loud people have called the cops... RAWRS... yeah I am bragging, but at least its the truth... (I cant wait for the day I am so famous that I walk into a bar and tell women that I am Moral man and run before they beat me to death)

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

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The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!