"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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Male: Get in the van.

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

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Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!