Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!