-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!