Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!