You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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sound of zipper

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

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Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!