Male: Get in the van.

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!