knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!