- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? draws gun Moral: Pretty immoral

-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

At a concert guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book