Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!