Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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This is what Nero calls for his "destroyer" not sure if I should consider that flattering, he thinks so anyways, he just wants to say, that why the fuck are people suddenly scared of looooooooooooooooooooooong messages on the interbewbs. "No leave it be, interbewsbs sounds prefect" Nero The Hero "FINAL FRESH" What Nero And Vagina shouts? :)) Something is off here but he has passed out again :)) "God woman, you suck at pop cultural quotes" Nero, the fucklord (omg, he is crazy, gotta love this guy) "thanks" Nero the grateful. "I Ask you if you know who I am by saying "ITS ME MARIO and you still do not know what name is? THe red plumber Nintendo HIS NAME IS MARIO!?" Nero The (fucking annoyed at me) :)) Sorry guys just having fun. "THOU SHALL NEVER APOLOGIzE FOR THE WORD OF NERO" -Nero insists, I mean the LORD OF DARKNESS INSISTS "Can we fucking stop making quotes of me now? All the girls are laughing at me, WHY AM I SO DEFEATED!" Last quote added without his consent

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!