- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

thumb_up thumb_down -128

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

thumb_up thumb_down +142

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

thumb_up thumb_down -66

I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

thumb_up thumb_down +279

I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

thumb_up thumb_down -7

At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

thumb_up thumb_down -91

If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

thumb_up thumb_down +31

-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

thumb_up thumb_down +164

M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

ANYWAY... I have been married for around X years right? (My wife is anon because reasons valid reasons!) And I told my wife "Babe, you know what you got married into baby, how about you and I consider having a third one in the bed... No not a guy, thats disgusting, you agree? Awwride! So anyways, she was like "Uh... Ask me again in a year I need to think things trough, and I want you for myself..." Next week we was fucking my new (back then neighbor) which is 28 or whatever (I dont remember my neighbors name BAHAHA (actual laugher)... Peeps, say what you want about me, ill be the one fucking the prom queen tomorrow... And you know, maybe someone else, sex with more than my waifu the prom queen is addictive, I mean sharing (salive, cum juices) is caring right? Okay, I better stop here, Rebecca (SHADDAP AUTOCORRECT ITS HOW HER NAME IS SPELLED... I guess) is upset... No not because I am typing this, but because I am out here freezing my ballz off smoking her ciggs... Man The great stuff about "decent equipment" is that I dont need all that much energy, just the speed to keep the girls screaming!

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!