Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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will you marry me

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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Do you want to see something swell?

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!