Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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"You'll do."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!