- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! Throws couch at woman WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: dead Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! guitar solo begins

Sex?

- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

Hey, do you want to dance? No.

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book