Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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This is what Nero calls for his "destroyer" not sure if I should consider that flattering, he thinks so anyways, he just wants to say, that why the fuck are people suddenly scared of looooooooooooooooooooooong messages on the interbewbs. "No leave it be, interbewsbs sounds prefect" Nero The Hero "FINAL FRESH" What Nero And Vagina shouts? :)) Something is off here but he has passed out again :)) "God woman, you suck at pop cultural quotes" Nero, the fucklord (omg, he is crazy, gotta love this guy) "thanks" Nero the grateful. "I Ask you if you know who I am by saying "ITS ME MARIO and you still do not know what name is? THe red plumber Nintendo HIS NAME IS MARIO!?" Nero The (fucking annoyed at me) :)) Sorry guys just having fun. "THOU SHALL NEVER APOLOGIzE FOR THE WORD OF NERO" -Nero insists, I mean the LORD OF DARKNESS INSISTS "Can we fucking stop making quotes of me now? All the girls are laughing at me, WHY AM I SO DEFEATED!" Last quote added without his consent

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!