-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!