"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!