-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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-hey, come here a minute.

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

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My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!