Welcome to DIE!

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Soon

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Do you live around here often?

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!