In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

thumb_up thumb_down -124

I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

I just killed my wife. What should I do?

thumb_up thumb_down -60

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

thumb_up thumb_down -72

M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

thumb_up thumb_down +114

whats up ho

thumb_up thumb_down +14

him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

thumb_up thumb_down -117

Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down +27

MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

thumb_up thumb_down +48

HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Hello, it's nice to meet you.

thumb_up thumb_down +217

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

thumb_up thumb_down -29

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!