Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

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Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Ryu at a Bar: Hey lady, you seem to be battle ready ;) wanna come home and get to know each other? I know some very "special moves" ;) Girl: Battle ready? Uh... "special moves eh?" OKAY! 2 weeks later: Girlfriend: Puff... puff... when you spoke about how you truly love me with all your heart... I expected more than... this fighting all the time... I wanna see these "special moves" you talk about ;) ;) ;) Ryu: The truth lies in the heart of battle! Girlfriend: Uh sure dear, but can I please go talk with my friends? I feel kind of beaten from uh... all the beatings... and lack of poundings... Ryu: Well... we have been fighting for hours so... SUREYOUCAN!!!! SMACK!!!!! Girlfriend: EEEEEEEEK! EEEEEEEEEK! EEEEEEEEEK! Announcer: KO! YOU WIN! DEFECT! Skill 00000000 Level of Moron 9001 Bonus 98493849384394839483. Ryu: You have to beat Shen Long to stand a chan... I mean I am so sorry dear! I must have walked a bit forward then accidentally ducked and jumped slightly upwards while using my strong punch button!... I am so sorry... its basically all I know to do! Girlfriend: I am sick of this! I am leaving you! Ryu: Argh... I AM BEING LEFT AGAIN? NOOH! Its the Dark... Hadou... I...WILL NOT LET YOU ESCAPE MY EVIL! HADOUUUUUUUKEN! Girlfriend: (dodges) HELP! SOMEONE FIND A DOCTOR! 2 Weeks later: Ryu: yes this... dark side takes me over and... its because all I know is Street Fighting and... uh some Street Fisting but I am new to that an.. Dr. Bob Sagat: Uh yes... well I am afraid you suffer from Schizophrenia Mr... uh...Hoshi? Ryu: Just Ryu...That Hoshi crap is just from the hilariously bad mov... Dr. Bob Sagat: Ok, so just take these medications and this "evil" "side" of you will not bother anyone anymore... now excuse me, I must leave, I have to feed my TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! TIGER! Ryu: huh? Dr.Bob Sagat I have four Tigers you see, and I am training them to do a TIGER UPPERCUT! Ryu: Ok... Ex-Girlfriend: What the hell did this have to do with pick-up? Ryu: Well Uh... do not leave me, I suck at it and I... dont leave! NOOOOOOOOOOO! My... medication... Later Akuma: Hey girl... heard you want something better than your weakling ex Ryu. Girl: Sniff... yeah he is all crazy and stuff... Akuma: Well... I can replace him, I look almost the same without this stupid wig and fake red lenses... besides they do not call me the master of fisting for nothing ;) Girl: SUREYOUCAN! Bonus scenes: Dr.Bob Sagat: You stupid TIGER! Will never learn to do a TIGER UPPERCUT! I am tired of all of you! TIGER GENOCIDE! Special message from WWE (the animal protectors not Wrestling Entertainment you moron): please save the last remaining TIGER! From Dr.Bob Sagats UPPERCUT!

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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oooo oo o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o xxxxxxxxxxxxxx o o xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx o xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx o xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx x x x xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxxx x x x x xxxxxxx xxxxxxx x x x x xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxxx xxx xxxxxxx xx xxxx x x x xx x x 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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!