I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

nice kid... want another?

Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

you look like my mother

Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

Get in the van.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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