This doesn't have to be a rape.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!