Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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I hate you already.

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Wanna have sex?

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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- You look really nice - I know

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!