I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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jack sanders

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"You'll do."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!