Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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"You'll do."

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!