- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Hey, you want a ride?

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book