Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

thumb_up thumb_down -60

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -119

Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Drunk woman enters what she thinks is a bar... (how original). "man gets close to her" Woman: You men are all dogs! Man: Bark bark! Woman: No need to get cheeky with me asshole! Man: Bark bark... Woman proceeds to pass out and wake up at a kennel... "Mandog": Bark bark. Moral: If you think every man is a dog, then you may just be bark barking the wrong tree... or place... I mean dont expect to find nice men at a dirty bar, and dont expect to find horny jerks at your church reunion. (A moral man original... and I actually like this one!)

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

thumb_up thumb_down +244

Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

thumb_up thumb_down -91

- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

thumb_up thumb_down -47

HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

thumb_up thumb_down -8

-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -112

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +161

Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

thumb_up thumb_down -68

wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

thumb_up thumb_down -79

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +123

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!