Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

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Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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Dont people ever get tired of PRETENDING like they dont need others aproval? I NEED APPROVAL I NEED APPROVAL! Moral: I REALLY DO! YEEEEEEEEES BECAUSE...Uh...you matter more than me? Nah, nothing like that, only I matter more than you...

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!