Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

thumb_up thumb_down -74

How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

thumb_up thumb_down +245

Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

thumb_up thumb_down +117

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +45

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

thumb_up thumb_down +45

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

thumb_up thumb_down +94

Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

thumb_up thumb_down +8

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

thumb_up thumb_down +41

At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +326

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +105

He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

thumb_up thumb_down +283

Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!