- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

Im gonna rape you..

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

Your skin would make a nice coat.

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

Are your prices by the hour

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book