I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down +25

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

thumb_up thumb_down +76

How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -188

hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

thumb_up thumb_down -10

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

thumb_up thumb_down +220

You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

thumb_up thumb_down +183

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

thumb_up thumb_down +66

-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

thumb_up thumb_down +273

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

thumb_up thumb_down -65

The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!