If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!