- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book