-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

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For the males that do not know what I mean with "woman screams" comment below... well HAHAHAHAHAH LOSERS LOOOOOOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEERS! Moral: Read a book about females more interesting parts one day you lazy bastard... as for the girls... I am not talking about anything bad nor dirty... just 12 hour orgasms and such nice things... WHAT? YOU GONNA TELL ME THAT IS HORRIBLE? Well in that case you dont know what you are missing... and you wont ever know.... Ps: Can you believe I am actually trying to get thumbs downs but keep getting upped? Thanks for accepting my ever growing controversial nature, lets keep it that way and soon moral man will uh... receive a medal for uh... well a small keychain for... uh... you know what? Never mind.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

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"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!