-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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Want to go out? No

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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I'll punch ya!

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!