You allergic to semen?

Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

jack sanders

Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!