Are your prices by the hour

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Im gonna rape you..

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

thumb_up thumb_down -134

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down -102

me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

thumb_up thumb_down +98

M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

thumb_up thumb_down +114

-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

thumb_up thumb_down -28

will you marry me

thumb_up thumb_down +32

A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +311

This doesn't have to be a rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +148

J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -175

Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

thumb_up thumb_down -11

At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

thumb_up thumb_down -71

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -148

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!