Hello children! :D

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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Do you want to see something swell?

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!