Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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I have no gag reflex.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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"Don't scream"

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Walking to your car alone later?

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!