Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Stop Footing Around

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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