hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

thumb_up thumb_down +22

You look exactly like my sister.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +464

Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

thumb_up thumb_down +129

He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Want to go out? No

thumb_up thumb_down +67

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

thumb_up thumb_down +10

-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

thumb_up thumb_down -47

(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,147

male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

thumb_up thumb_down +98

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,010

Dont blame me for using moral all the time its just part of my sig...nature XD Moral: Not a pick up line, so its pretty anti.

thumb_up thumb_down +129

You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +155

Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

thumb_up thumb_down -59

your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +105

(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +123

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!