Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Man: Hello there my name is... Woman: I wish you where water... Man: So you can swallow me? Hey not so fast baby! I dont like em fast. Woman: You did not let me finish! Man: Whatever, gotta go... Moral: Girls... women... you may be mysterious, but unlocking your secrets is my favorite pastime... I CHARRENGE YOU!... Then again I never liked women throwing themselves at me without me saying a word (not that it happens very often)¨ Ps: I see some other people have started to add "morals" to their stories, without success sadly, keep going kids, and people will always of course know who the real "Moral man is" because of the cheap nature of my fantastically silly and "dragged out of the ass" nature of my morals...

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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jack sanders

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!