you look like my mother

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!