My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Lesbihonest

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!