(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,186

M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

thumb_up thumb_down +132

- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

thumb_up thumb_down +101

"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Welcome to DIE!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

thumb_up thumb_down -88

-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

thumb_up thumb_down +250

hey Herpes Go Away!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

thumb_up thumb_down +162

M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

thumb_up thumb_down -121

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

thumb_up thumb_down -580

-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -257

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!