Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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Handsome rich looking man: I would like to take you somewhere nice, maybe watch a movie at the cinema, then we could go to my place and have a romantic dinner.. finally... Girl: YES YES! Man: as I was saying... Finally I can make sweet love with your dog...if its fine by you... Girl: wtf?

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!