For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

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The below is no anti-pickupline unless you are a Jehova`s witness and want to uh... save my sole or something? Or just read a fun story... Moral: Like pick up lines is something one of them would use... actually they do after I reject their many offers... how? Keep on reading below to find out... its fun, promise. (unless you are a Jehova`s witness...)

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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adam burdass

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Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!