- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!