A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

thumb_up thumb_down +34

haha

thumb_up thumb_down -63

guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

thumb_up thumb_down -16

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

thumb_up thumb_down +157

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Yeah... you'll have to do.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

thumb_up thumb_down +49

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

thumb_up thumb_down -110

Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

thumb_up thumb_down -44

-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Sorry Nero, this is still Golgo 12, I am trying to reach you here as the other place is down, I can see why some people consider you insane, sorry to admit I left the order by the time you left as well, Eliza was the only one that could keep up with your stuff, the rest well you know... So point zero is some kind of elysum now huh? For real? And you rule there? I mean I never doubted your wisdom, but six million people living some kinda new world order at point zero? Thats hard to believe.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

thumb_up thumb_down -65

He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

thumb_up thumb_down -108

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!