Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!