- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!