Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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Glass Basketball

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As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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are you on fire?

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!