if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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haha

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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imgonna r@pe you

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!