-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

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free candy....

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Penis. I got it

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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haha

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!