-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

thumb_up thumb_down +49

-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

thumb_up thumb_down +60

-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

thumb_up thumb_down -629

Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

thumb_up thumb_down -104

Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

thumb_up thumb_down +94

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Glass Basketball

thumb_up thumb_down -6

boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

thumb_up thumb_down +42

-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

GET IN THE VAN!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -105

-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +6

- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

thumb_up thumb_down +96

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

thumb_up thumb_down +29

if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

thumb_up thumb_down -11

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!