- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

The anti pickup line hard to believe: Woman: Me so hony! Me wan lose virginity to you! I make free love for hours! Man: Wow, are you that popular Asian supermodel known for her enormous tits? I heard you really are virgin! Damn I am single and all but I kinda promised my ex girlfriend I would help her get back together with the guy she cheated on me with. Woman: But me so hony! I wait for u for many many long time! But I wait for u only for a month is looong time! Man: Eh, I kinda promised I would fix her washing machine too, and then I have to cut her grandmothers toenails and... Anyways sorry I cant this month :( Moral: Yeah like that is ever going to happen! (then again I tend to expect too much)

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

your almost as hot as my wife

Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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