"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

thumb_up thumb_down +69

The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

thumb_up thumb_down +58

-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

thumb_up thumb_down +440

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

thumb_up thumb_down -20

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

thumb_up thumb_down -213

Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -125

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

thumb_up thumb_down -102

if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

thumb_up thumb_down +20

He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

thumb_up thumb_down -95

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

thumb_up thumb_down -1

You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!