Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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I hate you already.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Man: I wanna know what love iiiiiiis... And I want you to show meeeeeeeeee! *Woman slams man with baseball bat* Man: Urgh... ARGH MY FACE BLEEDING EVERYWHERE! WHYYYY! Woman: I love baseball! Moral: Stupid singing idiot, if that is not the worst pick up line ever, then some other is!

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!