Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down +39

-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

thumb_up thumb_down +87

man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

thumb_up thumb_down -71

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

thumb_up thumb_down +469

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

thumb_up thumb_down +224

Stable relationships are for horses.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +102

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

thumb_up thumb_down +390

Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

thumb_up thumb_down -125

Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

thumb_up thumb_down +151

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!