If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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Wanna have sex?

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Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!