Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!