J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

thumb_up thumb_down +48

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

thumb_up thumb_down +55

adam burdass

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Hey wanna smash pissers?

thumb_up thumb_down -153

Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

thumb_up thumb_down -66

- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

thumb_up thumb_down +126

Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

thumb_up thumb_down +158

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

thumb_up thumb_down -9

If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

thumb_up thumb_down -35

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

thumb_up thumb_down +160

M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Drink this!

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

thumb_up thumb_down +703

Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!