Wanna have sex?

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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You smell just like my mom...

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

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A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!