why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

thumb_up thumb_down +121

Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

thumb_up thumb_down +103

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +124

This doesn't have to be a rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +149

Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

thumb_up thumb_down -5

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

thumb_up thumb_down +15

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Does it smell in here or it just you?

thumb_up thumb_down -124

Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

thumb_up thumb_down +160

Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

thumb_up thumb_down +68

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down +356

Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I'm your Edward and your my Bella

thumb_up thumb_down -44

when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

thumb_up thumb_down -110

MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!