- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Five dollar women... WOO!

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

nice kid... want another?

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch flushes the toilet

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

Golf.

MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book