- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

Your body would look good in my trunk.

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

Do you live around here often?

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book