Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Dont people ever get tired of PRETENDING like they dont need others aproval? I NEED APPROVAL I NEED APPROVAL! Moral: I REALLY DO! YEEEEEEEEES BECAUSE...Uh...you matter more than me? Nah, nothing like that, only I matter more than you...

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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Woman enters a...uh Cafe that only sells alcohol and stuff... now that is variation from the usual bar eh? Woman: Yo bitchy hot stuff, you look cheap get over here! lets bang! Man: How dare you! Woman: Why? You dont wanna try my wiener? Man: "throws drink at woman", Im gonna tell my girlfriend! Woman: I start getting the feeling something is very wrong here man... Man: Humpf! Just wait to my girlfriend gets here and beats you u... wait I to think there is something very very wrong here. Moral: The world may never know...

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!