Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!