-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +193

Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

thumb_up thumb_down +115

cockface

thumb_up thumb_down -100

-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

thumb_up thumb_down +2

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

thumb_up thumb_down -107

rohypnol. rape drug

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

thumb_up thumb_down -39

You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +143

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

thumb_up thumb_down -83

"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

thumb_up thumb_down +51

"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

thumb_up thumb_down +56

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

thumb_up thumb_down +24

"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

thumb_up thumb_down +127

Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

thumb_up thumb_down +10

did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

thumb_up thumb_down +71

-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!