How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!