Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

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Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Male: Get in the van.

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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