boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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GET IN THE VAN!!!

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!