Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Do you want to see something swell?

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!