-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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Sex?

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!