Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

How you doin? go away- I have a gun

-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

Man, no im still waiting,need to get my kids, hope its fine son, okay punches, captain falcon, but you break my jaw, I wont even ask for you to pay the bill, ill expect it. Man, good times, honestly, i was not even drunk, I was high as shit, never again tho, they did not tell me it was "magic tobacco" until I started seeing numbers NUMBAS! Hey, mind if I come stay sometime? I mean we really miss you son, you always at the fuckhouse now. Just me and... Well the gang... Just like the twelve of us, tell me who you dont want to invite and ill bounce him out for you. Man dog, that chick I punched down was pretty as fuck, she would have been my wife... Anyway just fucking happy finally a real car dude! If she fucks you to death, you gonna go out young and a Legend among gods, let her keep on sucka! (just don forget bout my sis huh? She asks about you too fucking much already) Man, you got me typing almost as much as you dog, anyway is you know, in four hours allright? If not screw my kid, I need a car ill get him a cab.

-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

"Hmm...you'll do."

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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