Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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sex me.

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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"You'll do."

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!