i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

thumb_up thumb_down -45

hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +46

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,090

Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

thumb_up thumb_down +53

- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

thumb_up thumb_down -76

If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

thumb_up thumb_down +169

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

thumb_up thumb_down -138

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!