I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

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Glass Basketball

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!