I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!