Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

thumb_up thumb_down +126

- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

thumb_up thumb_down +1

M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

thumb_up thumb_down +122

Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

thumb_up thumb_down +126

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

thumb_up thumb_down +91

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

thumb_up thumb_down +113

showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

thumb_up thumb_down +120

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

thumb_up thumb_down +93

whats up ho

thumb_up thumb_down +15

jack sanders

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

thumb_up thumb_down -59

If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

thumb_up thumb_down +94

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

thumb_up thumb_down +139

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!