Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

thumb_up thumb_down -133

Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

thumb_up thumb_down +156

-hey, come here a minute.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

thumb_up thumb_down +411

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

thumb_up thumb_down -75

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

thumb_up thumb_down -317

*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

thumb_up thumb_down +132

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

thumb_up thumb_down -115

girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

thumb_up thumb_down -23

rohypnol. rape drug

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

thumb_up thumb_down +170

I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

thumb_up thumb_down +103

HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

thumb_up thumb_down +228

-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

thumb_up thumb_down -131

Man at bar: Hey girls... want my banana in your pajamas? ;) ;) ;) Girls: YEAH! Man: "thinks for himself..."... man I never get this reaction from girls.. you are a bunch of skanks and sluts... (leaves the bar) In the end, we are never happy with what we get are we? yeah... this is kinda the moral of this story... (Ps: My banana in your pajamas... I got a girlfriend, but someday Im gonna try that pick up line... hahahaha

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +141

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +194

I'll punch ya!

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Sugar-free sugar cookies

thumb_up thumb_down +40

I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!