Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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I have no gag reflex.

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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"Don't scream"

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!