- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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Want to go out? No

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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HI, DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME DOCTOR RABBIT THE HYMEN DESTROYER? Nero the clit collector: Actually this works pretty good, just wear a random rabbit costume, cut a hole where your CAWCK is, and make sure they are girls under twelve or below (because it kinda loses its meaning with little boys but fuck it anyways, yeah fuck it! FUCK IT TO THE LIMIT!) I work at a daycare center: Because I care.

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!