is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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-Do you like me? -No

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!