- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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Hey, you want a ride?

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

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Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!