wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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are you on fire?

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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Wanna have sex?

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!