He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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Lol man, you know this man would never sue your ass, but... Man it takes a message here to see that you are like a super whigger. Anyway DAD! Thanks for the kind words, and seriously, you dont kiss ass on regular basis just one thing, you can reply wherever, text is cool You got the hots for your sister dude? I mean the deal was 50 uh words? Letters? Anyway its good, but DAD!... You know I never asked you to write anything about your sisters ass, its kinda weird DAD! Anyway, what do I judge, I banged my 7 years old sister back at the days where I still called her mom... Well she trained me, then I returned with the force, and now her husband kinda knows my deal and... I STILL BANG HER! <<<<< Anyway, man, keep the cash, I just wanted to show the world... Moral: Ladies and gentlemen, and this is how you make someone and anyone your bitch! Nothing personal DAD! You know that as far as I care, all my friends kneel before while my enemies are crushed under my mighty heel. Charisma... Kiddo, I know you are struggling with cash and stuff, but seriously, just for that one online, (your sisters story which id never ask you to go for helps) BUT If you have read this far (BECAUSE THE WORDS OF YOUR DARK OVERLORD ARE LAW) Then just send me a reply saying 666 and I will pay to fix whatever the hell is wrong with your car man, I cant stand the sound, and I know you can pay up, its just that times are down... ...For you. Actual code 999 (not satanist here, I hate all religion) post 666 and ill get someone to slice your tires instead.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!