Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!