Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!