- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

nice kid... want another?

Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

GET IN THE VAN!!!

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book