M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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"Don't scream"

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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-hey, come here a minute.

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!