- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!