That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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EVERYONE ELSE

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!