M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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my dick is 2 inches

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!