-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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I think I shit myself

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!