I have no gag reflex.

thumb_up thumb_down +139

You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Your body would look good in my trunk.

thumb_up thumb_down +175

ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

thumb_up thumb_down -14

- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +246

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

thumb_up thumb_down +114

Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down +35

wanna go halves on a b*stard?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

thumb_up thumb_down +235

HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

thumb_up thumb_down +76

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

thumb_up thumb_down +96

I take the the out of psychotherapist

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

thumb_up thumb_down +114

I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!