Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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I've got candy.

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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I have no gag reflex.

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male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!