are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

thumb_up thumb_down -31

-hey, come here a minute.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

thumb_up thumb_down +34

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

thumb_up thumb_down +24

HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

thumb_up thumb_down +229

He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

thumb_up thumb_down +141

My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +141

GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Whatever I'll just date myself.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

thumb_up thumb_down +1

guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

thumb_up thumb_down +89

Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +209

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!