-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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I hate you already.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!