-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

thumb_up thumb_down +111

You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

thumb_up thumb_down +4

By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

I think I shit myself

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

thumb_up thumb_down +69

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

thumb_up thumb_down +129

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

thumb_up thumb_down +14

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

thumb_up thumb_down -263

Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

thumb_up thumb_down +18

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

thumb_up thumb_down +81

-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

thumb_up thumb_down +133

-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Your body would look good in my trunk.

thumb_up thumb_down +170

sex me.

thumb_up thumb_down +107

Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!