Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Golf.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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-Get in the Van

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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