Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

I have no gag reflex.

-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

wanna go halves on a b*stard?

haha

Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

rohypnol. rape drug

I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

can i take a dump in your mouth?

TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

Man: Wanna see the best pick up line ever? Its an ancient secret kept for millions of years! Girl: SURE! Man: It only reveals to the fully drunk though so lets get drinking.. Girl: uh... okay... I guess.. Man: Drunk enough? Girl: Ulp... you betcha weird man! Man: Ok its hidden at my place so lets go! Girl: WOHOO!

Hey baby, wanna make $50?

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!