Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Welcome to DIE!

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!