What's the difference between a duck? An orange

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

thumb_up thumb_down +126

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

thumb_up thumb_down -114

Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

thumb_up thumb_down -129

Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

thumb_up thumb_down -90

If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

thumb_up thumb_down +85

I have a really big..... Bank Account

thumb_up thumb_down +104

who wants to play EPAR

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

thumb_up thumb_down -46

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +51

HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

thumb_up thumb_down +226

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!