Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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jack sanders

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You look exactly like my sister.

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!