Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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Jdkfk

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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I think I shit myself

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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I hate you already.

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You allergic to semen?

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Lol man, you know this man would never sue your ass, but... Man it takes a message here to see that you are like a super whigger. Anyway DAD! Thanks for the kind words, and seriously, you dont kiss ass on regular basis just one thing, you can reply wherever, text is cool You got the hots for your sister dude? I mean the deal was 50 uh words? Letters? Anyway its good, but DAD!... You know I never asked you to write anything about your sisters ass, its kinda weird DAD! Anyway, what do I judge, I banged my 7 years old sister back at the days where I still called her mom... Well she trained me, then I returned with the force, and now her husband kinda knows my deal and... I STILL BANG HER! <<<<< Anyway, man, keep the cash, I just wanted to show the world... Moral: Ladies and gentlemen, and this is how you make someone and anyone your bitch! Nothing personal DAD! You know that as far as I care, all my friends kneel before while my enemies are crushed under my mighty heel. Charisma... Kiddo, I know you are struggling with cash and stuff, but seriously, just for that one online, (your sisters story which id never ask you to go for helps) BUT If you have read this far (BECAUSE THE WORDS OF YOUR DARK OVERLORD ARE LAW) Then just send me a reply saying 666 and I will pay to fix whatever the hell is wrong with your car man, I cant stand the sound, and I know you can pay up, its just that times are down... ...For you. Actual code 999 (not satanist here, I hate all religion) post 666 and ill get someone to slice your tires instead.

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!