Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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adam burdass

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sex me.

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can i take a dump in your mouth?

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!