Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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I've got candy.

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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"You'll do."

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!