How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!