Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down +122

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

thumb_up thumb_down +69

You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

thumb_up thumb_down +89

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -123

Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -61

-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

thumb_up thumb_down +514

if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

thumb_up thumb_down +19

-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

thumb_up thumb_down +100

MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

thumb_up thumb_down -33

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

thumb_up thumb_down -132

wanna go halves on a b*stard?

thumb_up thumb_down +9

the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

thumb_up thumb_down -70

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

hey baby i just came in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -3

-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!