Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

Pick up lines from the stone age: Fail. Man: Hello, you look beautiful, I speak very well, and if you allow me to make love with you, I promise I will protect you and raise the child with you :)! Woman: WHAT? A guy without wild chesthair that speaks instead of grunting and yelling? You to sex me and you do not even got a club? I am SOOO gonna go to Grogg instead! He has like the biggest club and knows how to really HIT a woman! Moral: I would say somethings do change, but Id rather be Grogg than the loser above, of course I prefer hitting ON women first, if that does not work I... Oh right, I am married :P

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!