the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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#1 You're breath smells like Skittles, can I taste the rainbow? No, because , while mine may smell like Skittles, yours reeks. #2 Girl: Hey, I got this new Kiss Proof lip gloss, wanna try it out? (there are 2 answers to this) 1.Boy: Well, yours may be Kiss Proof, but mines not, and I don't have time to re-apply this after 2. Yeah, I do want to try it out, but not with you.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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EVERYONE ELSE

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!