-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!