He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!