Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!