good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!