I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

#1 You're breath smells like Skittles, can I taste the rainbow? No, because , while mine may smell like Skittles, yours reeks. #2 Girl: Hey, I got this new Kiss Proof lip gloss, wanna try it out? (there are 2 answers to this) 1.Boy: Well, yours may be Kiss Proof, but mines not, and I don't have time to re-apply this after 2. Yeah, I do want to try it out, but not with you.

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

Yeah... you'll have to do.

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

Business Y U No Advertise?

Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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