If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

I think I shit myself

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -167

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

rohypnol. rape drug

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +455

Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -110

MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

thumb_up thumb_down +114

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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Sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!