why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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-I love you.

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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Male: Get in the van.

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Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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my dick is 2 inches

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!