Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!