Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!