Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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Stop Footing Around

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!