-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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"Next!"

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!