- Haven't I seen you someplace before? - Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Penis. I got it

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!