Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!