you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

thumb_up thumb_down +280

Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

thumb_up thumb_down +24

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -194

what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

thumb_up thumb_down +83

The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

thumb_up thumb_down -19

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

thumb_up thumb_down +166

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

thumb_up thumb_down +34

have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

thumb_up thumb_down -99

How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

thumb_up thumb_down -86

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

thumb_up thumb_down +185

Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!