Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

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Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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Get in the van.

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!