Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

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Are your prices by the hour

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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-Can I have your name? -Why? Don’t you already have one?

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!