He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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ANYWAY... I have been married for around X years right? (My wife is anon because reasons valid reasons!) And I told my wife "Babe, you know what you got married into baby, how about you and I consider having a third one in the bed... No not a guy, thats disgusting, you agree? Awwride! So anyways, she was like "Uh... Ask me again in a year I need to think things trough, and I want you for myself..." Next week we was fucking my new (back then neighbor) which is 28 or whatever (I dont remember my neighbors name BAHAHA (actual laugher)... Peeps, say what you want about me, ill be the one fucking the prom queen tomorrow... And you know, maybe someone else, sex with more than my waifu the prom queen is addictive, I mean sharing (salive, cum juices) is caring right? Okay, I better stop here, Rebecca (SHADDAP AUTOCORRECT ITS HOW HER NAME IS SPELLED... I guess) is upset... No not because I am typing this, but because I am out here freezing my ballz off smoking her ciggs... Man The great stuff about "decent equipment" is that I dont need all that much energy, just the speed to keep the girls screaming!

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!