are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

thumb_up thumb_down +19

imgonna r@pe you

thumb_up thumb_down -130

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down +195

BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

thumb_up thumb_down -75

MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

thumb_up thumb_down -6

4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

thumb_up thumb_down -27

can i take a dump in your mouth?

thumb_up thumb_down -127

Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

thumb_up thumb_down -23

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

thumb_up thumb_down -139

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

thumb_up thumb_down +218

I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

thumb_up thumb_down +10

boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

thumb_up thumb_down +230

-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

thumb_up thumb_down -114

Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!