Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

thumb_up thumb_down +74

is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +251

Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

thumb_up thumb_down +82

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

thumb_up thumb_down -152

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

thumb_up thumb_down +130

WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

thumb_up thumb_down -33

-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

thumb_up thumb_down +178

Wanna have sex?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

thumb_up thumb_down +958

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Dont let this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down

Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

thumb_up thumb_down -45

sound of zipper

thumb_up thumb_down +32

-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

thumb_up thumb_down +141

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!