Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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