Yeah... you'll have to do.

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!