Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

I love Mark Wahlberg!

Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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