Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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I'll eat your poop

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Get in the van.

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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