showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

thumb_up thumb_down +121

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

thumb_up thumb_down +130

He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

thumb_up thumb_down -997

In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

thumb_up thumb_down +28

- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

thumb_up thumb_down +284

How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

thumb_up thumb_down +38

(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

thumb_up thumb_down -1,148

You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

thumb_up thumb_down +466

If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

thumb_up thumb_down +158

-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

thumb_up thumb_down -249

-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +393

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Hey baby, wanna make $50?

thumb_up thumb_down +210

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

thumb_up thumb_down +38

On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

thumb_up thumb_down +35

- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

thumb_up thumb_down -103

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

thumb_up thumb_down +137

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!