-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!