Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

thumb_up thumb_down -14

man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

thumb_up thumb_down +163

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

- You look really nice - I know

thumb_up thumb_down +5

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

thumb_up thumb_down -107

A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

thumb_up thumb_down +61

-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

thumb_up thumb_down +71

After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

thumb_up thumb_down +560

Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

thumb_up thumb_down -87

-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

thumb_up thumb_down +126

Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -135

so... you're a girl,huh?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!