if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

Im gonna rape you..

sound of zipper

Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

Five dollar women... WOO!

Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

Your skin would make a nice coat.

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

can i take a dump in your mouth?

Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

I just killed my wife. What should I do?

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

Your body would look good in my trunk.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!