Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -119

Macho Man: Release the BOGUS! Woman: What? Super Macho Man: Never mind... no one will get this anyways... wanna go to McDonalds and get a Little Mac? Woman: Ok but I want a Big mac! Macho Man: What is a Big mac? Is it stronger than a little Mac? Woman: Huh? What do you mean? Macho Man: Sigh... and I actually fought Mike Tyson you know... Woman: So you are a boxer huh? Who are you gonna fight next? Macho Man: Sigh... Mr.Dream... Woman: Who the hell is that? Macho Man: a nobody...

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

thumb_up thumb_down -91

i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -59

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +160

Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

thumb_up thumb_down +18

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

thumb_up thumb_down -81

If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +224

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +114

I've got candy.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

thumb_up thumb_down -20

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!