the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!