M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +119

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +264

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

thumb_up thumb_down -168

The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

thumb_up thumb_down +28

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

thumb_up thumb_down +123

-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

M. Do you want to go out with me? F. Okay but first take me to your place where we can be alone to make furious love to one another M. Wow this never happens I must be.. (Wakes up) dreaming

thumb_up thumb_down -100

- Did it hurt? - Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

thumb_up thumb_down -59

- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

thumb_up thumb_down +89

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

thumb_up thumb_down +108

Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

thumb_up thumb_down +305

-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

thumb_up thumb_down -42

your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

jack sanders

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Do you live around here often?

thumb_up thumb_down +174

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!