Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!