Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +119

I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +243

Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

thumb_up thumb_down +45

No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

thumb_up thumb_down +278

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

thumb_up thumb_down +118

Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

thumb_up thumb_down -20

You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

thumb_up thumb_down +127

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

thumb_up thumb_down +74

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

thumb_up thumb_down +166

At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

thumb_up thumb_down +108

if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

thumb_up thumb_down -78

the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

thumb_up thumb_down -38

A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

thumb_up thumb_down -171

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!