On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!