- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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Lol, lucky you that this piece of shit site worked so fast for you huh DAD? Fine, I need no essay on her ass, my firm (well where I work at the top of the foodchain lets be modest here) sponsors all Samsung phones, so seriously ill get you the most expensive one I can find (its free, ill just tell them I need an extra one for, calling, but just for you, if you tell anybody else, ill just slash your tires. Man, I hate HATE sounding nice because I am not, but you can have that damn Fiat something (black car) that I bought from my ex, you take that instead? You still owe me the cash, but the car is yours (I never use it, and its you know... Bad, but still ten thousand times better than your car. Moral: Me? I just cant bother using my wives phone in order to call myself and find my own damn phone, so if you read this, you are golden. Oh, and if you want that piece of shit car of yours (cant even tell the brand can you? Seriously tell me) then you can have the damn money, but no paintjob, that car is, and must look like the trash it is. AMEN? Jk, Fuck Amen. Finally, so you want one with Keyboard attachment or one with keyboard embedded into the screen? The ones with the keyboards are usually a bit more pricey, but man, some of them suck ass, still I can get you like the one I got for business (yeah we gotta use fucking Samsung phones it pays well though) And forget your damn car tires, XD Im laughing here, some could steal those dirty flat pieces of shit, and you would be driving without noticing shit my whigga XD.

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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Nice legs what time do they open

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!