- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

hey baby i just came in my pants

Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book