Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!