Drink this!

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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Welcome to DIE!

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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sound of zipper

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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Golf.

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There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!