Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

hey Herpes Go Away!

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

Eat me, I'm organic!

I have no gag reflex.

Put the lotion on the skin!

Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

-Do you like me? -No

- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

so... you're a girl,huh?

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

"Hmm...you'll do."

Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!