“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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