-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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Moral man: Hey ladies... wanna read my "moral man original jokes?" then you are at the right place! Just scroll down the newest section and you will feel, insulted, charmed, happy, sad, and all that stuff you always wanted! Except beaten up... Moral man do other things to women... BTW I used to write comics (not draw them) for STUPIDO once... well I cant say more... Girl: "Reads": OMG I SO WANT YOU! Moral: If you are gonna like me less (or more) because of the "infomercial" nature of this anti-joke, then you must be the kind that yells to the TV a lot, and throw bricks at the television when it says "this show is presented by" So just do it, prove you are a nutcase, give me that luxury.

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Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!