- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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I have no gag reflex.

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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"Don't scream"

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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Walking to your car alone later?

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!