Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!