Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -148

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

thumb_up thumb_down -186

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

thumb_up thumb_down +86

How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

thumb_up thumb_down +75

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

thumb_up thumb_down +85

-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

thumb_up thumb_down +17

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

thumb_up thumb_down -158

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down +185

GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

thumb_up thumb_down +158

Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

thumb_up thumb_down +136

Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

thumb_up thumb_down -104

Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

thumb_up thumb_down +146

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!