Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

thumb_up thumb_down +89

"My mom won't be home for hours..."

thumb_up thumb_down +41

I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down -50

-Get in the Van

thumb_up thumb_down +8

-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +144

If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

thumb_up thumb_down +80

- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Gaywatch starts

thumb_up thumb_down -51

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

thumb_up thumb_down +134

- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +193

This is what Nero calls for his "destroyer" not sure if I should consider that flattering, he thinks so anyways, he just wants to say, that why the fuck are people suddenly scared of looooooooooooooooooooooong messages on the interbewbs. "No leave it be, interbewsbs sounds prefect" Nero The Hero "FINAL FRESH" What Nero And Vagina shouts? :)) Something is off here but he has passed out again :)) "God woman, you suck at pop cultural quotes" Nero, the fucklord (omg, he is crazy, gotta love this guy) "thanks" Nero the grateful. "I Ask you if you know who I am by saying "ITS ME MARIO and you still do not know what name is? THe red plumber Nintendo HIS NAME IS MARIO!?" Nero The (fucking annoyed at me) :)) Sorry guys just having fun. "THOU SHALL NEVER APOLOGIzE FOR THE WORD OF NERO" -Nero insists, I mean the LORD OF DARKNESS INSISTS "Can we fucking stop making quotes of me now? All the girls are laughing at me, WHY AM I SO DEFEATED!" Last quote added without his consent

thumb_up thumb_down -38

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!