Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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