Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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So when' the baby due?

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!