Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!