Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

Your body would look good in my trunk.

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

Walking to your car alone later?

You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

Your skin would make a nice coat.

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

Drink this!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!