I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

Lol, again I am on a adrenaline... well let me be subtle... GANGBANGING WITH ANAL, PUSSY, TWO GIRLS FIGHTING OVER ONE COCK (Ladies there is enough down there to share)... ...Anyway, it reminds me of when I was 21, and I was like "You know what? Threesomes and that kinda stuff is nice and all, but I am a grown up now and... ...TSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs Today I am 32, Married, (Hey my wife is into stuff, so its not cheating if she is the one enjoying while I videotape sometimes okay? (Never on cam, you crazy? You cant sell that shit! Okay I am kidding, the collection is personal) Ps: Seriously girls, one thing is that you smear yourself with my cumshots okay? But Hugging me afterwards? DATS SICK! (Name is Nero, I am not black, I am Hispanic, Latino Sexy... Well, actually when I take a look in the mirror I go, "meh well some guys got the looks"... ...I wont lie though, either my looks dont matter shite, or girls really like it...

I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

How you doin? go away- I have a gun

At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

"You'll do."

Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!