Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Man: What did you say this horrible machine did look like? Woman: It was terrible it was like a man sized yellow and red robot that shoot lasers! After I refused its offer to come home with him he shoot lasers and destroyed my house... buah ;( ;( Man: That is terrible! Despicable! We have to do something about this! Such a beautiful supermodel should never go trough such a terrible atrocity! Woman: Buah... sigh... sniff... I know... but it was terrible! Man: so so my lady... you can come live with me in my giant mansion and we can have a couple of drinks to calm your nerves and relax... ;) Woman: Thank you Mr.Stark... Man: Oh Just call me Iron Ma... I mean Tony!

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!