Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!