Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +152

"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

thumb_up thumb_down -29

haha

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

thumb_up thumb_down -35

(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

thumb_up thumb_down -46

the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Lesbihonest

thumb_up thumb_down -122

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -4

You look like a dog... Wana bone?

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

thumb_up thumb_down -103

I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +129

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!