I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

thumb_up thumb_down +181

M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

thumb_up thumb_down +115

rohypnol. rape drug

thumb_up thumb_down -75

whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

thumb_up thumb_down +190

NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

thumb_up thumb_down -101

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -100

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

thumb_up thumb_down +253

You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

thumb_up thumb_down -73

What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

thumb_up thumb_down +182

Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

thumb_up thumb_down -7

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +127

At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Are you from Wales, because...well...

thumb_up thumb_down -42

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!