Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Does it smell in here or it just you?

thumb_up thumb_down -136

-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down -58

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

You look exactly like my sister.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

fancy going halves on a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +58

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

thumb_up thumb_down -156

"You'll do."

thumb_up thumb_down +126

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

thumb_up thumb_down -88

when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

thumb_up thumb_down -108

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Put the lotion on the skin!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

thumb_up thumb_down -33

You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!