Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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