Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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"You'll do."

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!