here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

thumb_up thumb_down +162

hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

thumb_up thumb_down +180

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

thumb_up thumb_down +121

He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

thumb_up thumb_down -123

- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I'm your Edward and your my Bella

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

thumb_up thumb_down -56

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Boy : Gurle: hi

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

thumb_up thumb_down -81

What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

thumb_up thumb_down +105

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!