-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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He says "Where have you been all my life" She says "Hiding from you....how the hell did you find me?"

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!