*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Stop Footing Around

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

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Im gonna rape you..

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!