- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

Hello children! :D

- I'd like to call you. What's your number? - It's in the phone book. - But I don't know your name. - That's in the phone book too.

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book