Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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"You'll do."

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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Twinkle winkle little star, cuz my star is what you are... Moral: Heh, that one might actually work if you do it spontaneously and mean it, damn I keep failing at making bad pickuplines, I am so good I cannot fail! I WANT TO FAIL! (Legal disclaimer: Not really I just go hi-wire after... "flirting" yeaaaaaaah lets be subtle now "Moral" Man)

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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-I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. -I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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You look... clean

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!