- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

thumb_up thumb_down +253

Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

thumb_up thumb_down +1

baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

thumb_up thumb_down

-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Man:Yeah, hey yo I'm feelin' like Ray Charles I got my shades on, I don't know where they are You couldn't find me even if you had a radar And I spit rapidly AKAR! Woman: OK ok so you claim to be Ray Charles and all, not that you look like him nor have the same voice... but tell me, how the hell did Ray Charles himself manage to get himself stuck in the ladies sauna room eh? Man: To catch the sight of them boobies! I mean... uh... I do not know young lady, I must feel my way out of here, I hmm... no, this is too soft and round to be a doorknob, and this one is too big and round... hmm... maybe if I try lower I will... oh excuse the pole its my walking stick which I keep in my pants...

thumb_up thumb_down +88

He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

thumb_up thumb_down +25

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

thumb_up thumb_down -88

-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

For the males that do not know what I mean with "woman screams" comment below... well HAHAHAHAHAH LOSERS LOOOOOOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEERS! Moral: Read a book about females more interesting parts one day you lazy bastard... as for the girls... I am not talking about anything bad nor dirty... just 12 hour orgasms and such nice things... WHAT? YOU GONNA TELL ME THAT IS HORRIBLE? Well in that case you dont know what you are missing... and you wont ever know.... Ps: Can you believe I am actually trying to get thumbs downs but keep getting upped? Thanks for accepting my ever growing controversial nature, lets keep it that way and soon moral man will uh... receive a medal for uh... well a small keychain for... uh... you know what? Never mind.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

thumb_up thumb_down +199

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!