Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!