Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Happy BirthdaySean!

thumb_up thumb_down +198

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

thumb_up thumb_down -146

M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

thumb_up thumb_down +61

-Get in the Van

thumb_up thumb_down +18

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

thumb_up thumb_down +54

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

thumb_up thumb_down +43

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

thumb_up thumb_down +266

M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +115

Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

thumb_up thumb_down +19

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Give me some sugar... honey.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

thumb_up thumb_down +167

My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

thumb_up thumb_down -126

fancy going halves on a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Dont let this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +11

4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

thumb_up thumb_down -30

HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

thumb_up thumb_down +214

That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!