Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

thumb_up thumb_down -68

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -63

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +160

Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

thumb_up thumb_down -70

wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

thumb_up thumb_down +18

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

thumb_up thumb_down -81

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +125

If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +226

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +112

For the males that do not know what I mean with "woman screams" comment below... well HAHAHAHAHAH LOSERS LOOOOOOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEERS! Moral: Read a book about females more interesting parts one day you lazy bastard... as for the girls... I am not talking about anything bad nor dirty... just 12 hour orgasms and such nice things... WHAT? YOU GONNA TELL ME THAT IS HORRIBLE? Well in that case you dont know what you are missing... and you wont ever know.... Ps: Can you believe I am actually trying to get thumbs downs but keep getting upped? Thanks for accepting my ever growing controversial nature, lets keep it that way and soon moral man will uh... receive a medal for uh... well a small keychain for... uh... you know what? Never mind.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Girl: Hey classy older man, wanna get to know me better? Man: Sigh... sorry lady I am the man that played Gandalf in that... shitty lords of something movie... Girl: so what? Man: Sigh... you know.. Gandalf the white and Gandalf the gay...? Girl: Huh? Man: Ever seen the X-men? Girl: Yeah... Man: ONE WORD: FAGNETO! Girl: uh.. okay.. "leaves". Ian McKellen: Sigh... should have come out of the closet sooner...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!