who wants to play EPAR

I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

GET IN THE VAN!!!

-Do you like me? -No

This doesn't have to be a rape.

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

Stable relationships are for horses.

Man... MAN! Sorry if I just skimmed that last message dude, but if you getting me that shit, you are my fucking God, you got a new custom engine or something? Whatever man, im getting over there right now, Son, I might actually try the towing trick, because that might make me arrive at your place (no worries wont tell anyone where your playboy mansion is at) but you still got it there right? MORAL MORAL MORAL MORAL... Oh and no, id never ever use that piece of shit I used to call a car in the forest, if you are serious man, ill take the damn cab! I mean man, I just cant wait to tell the beardy little faggot at the carshop to stick that yeah "car" up his gay ass! Seriously dude, my phone aint working but that can wait, you really mean I can have the car? Seriously, how much? I got some money.

Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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