Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +163

Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

thumb_up thumb_down -52

-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

thumb_up thumb_down -2

- You look really nice - I know

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

thumb_up thumb_down +162

Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

thumb_up thumb_down +40

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -165

Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

thumb_up thumb_down -89

He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +44

guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

thumb_up thumb_down +208

Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

thumb_up thumb_down +7

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

thumb_up thumb_down +19

your boobs are bigger than my nose

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!