My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!