As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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greetings clarisse...

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!