Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -6

damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

thumb_up thumb_down -131

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

thumb_up thumb_down -21

The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

thumb_up thumb_down +111

girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

thumb_up thumb_down -100

You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +141

I'd hit that.... with a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

thumb_up thumb_down -52

-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

thumb_up thumb_down -137

Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

thumb_up thumb_down +38

I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Glass Basketball

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

thumb_up thumb_down +231

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!