Nice hair, can I pull it?

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Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

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Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!