So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!