- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

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haha

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!