Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!