- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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