the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

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-hey, come here a minute.

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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"Next!"

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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I've got candy.

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!