Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +238

My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

thumb_up thumb_down -25

For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

thumb_up thumb_down +122

guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

thumb_up thumb_down +3

The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

thumb_up thumb_down +342

At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

thumb_up thumb_down +82

so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

thumb_up thumb_down +81

you actually look alright with the lights on.

thumb_up thumb_down +151

Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

thumb_up thumb_down

Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -44

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down -22

are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

thumb_up thumb_down +199

guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!