M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Man enters bar and does a lot of magic tricks, all the prettiest women are extremely impressed: Girls: WOW! We would do anything to see more of that! Guy: Uh... damn I forgot what to do after this... Moral: Screw the game man, its a stupid book, just be your moronic self and someone will like you for the lovely disgusting moron that you are... by the way you lost the game :D

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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nice kid... want another?

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Male: Get in the van.

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You look exactly like my sister.

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!