nice kid... want another?

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

thumb_up thumb_down -116

I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!