Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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I'll eat your poop

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!