GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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adam burdass

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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Are your prices by the hour

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Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!