Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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haha

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!