Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

thumb_up thumb_down -171

If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

thumb_up thumb_down +149

-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

thumb_up thumb_down -21

M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

thumb_up thumb_down +33

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

thumb_up thumb_down +40

-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -227

Man enters bar: Man: I AM MORAL MAN! My spear shall cut down the zealots, and my shield shall block (yeah you wish) be used as a additional weapon to push people down so I can thrust my spear even deeper into their hatred filled hearts! Woman: WOW! Moral: This pickup line wont work of course... not for you you aren`t the one and only EPIC: MORAL MAN! ;) Aka Epic man to those that still fail to understand that my morals are morals for a new order! No more religious wars, no more pedophiles, no more hatecrime... stand by me, and I shall not only speak for you, but also fight for you!

thumb_up thumb_down -21

-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I'll eat your poop

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

What's the difference between a duck? An orange

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

thumb_up thumb_down +97

-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

thumb_up thumb_down +26

You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!