EVERYONE ELSE

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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I'll eat your poop

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Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!