- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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sex me.

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!