Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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Man enters bar and does a lot of magic tricks, all the prettiest women are extremely impressed: Girls: WOW! We would do anything to see more of that! Guy: Uh... damn I forgot what to do after this... Moral: Screw the game man, its a stupid book, just be your moronic self and someone will like you for the lovely disgusting moron that you are... by the way you lost the game :D

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!