"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

You allergic to semen?

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

fancy going halves on a bastard?

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

I just killed my wife. What should I do?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!