Walking to your car alone later?

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

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Dont blame me for using moral all the time its just part of my sig...nature XD Moral: Not a pick up line, so its pretty anti.

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!