Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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Have you met Ted?

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!