- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book