Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Lesbihonest

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!