Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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Have you met Ted?

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Hi I am THE MORAL MAN! Moral: I am not famous enough yet it seems... except around my block where woman screams have been so loud people have called the cops... RAWRS... yeah I am bragging, but at least its the truth... (I cant wait for the day I am so famous that I walk into a bar and tell women that I am Moral man and run before they beat me to death)

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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- Your place or mine? - Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!