I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!