Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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greetings clarisse...

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!