-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

What's the difference between a duck? An orange

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

hey baby i just came in my pants

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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