-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!