Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

thumb_up thumb_down -61

He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +29

are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

thumb_up thumb_down +18

He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

thumb_up thumb_down +282

Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I've got candy.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

thumb_up thumb_down -19

-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

thumb_up thumb_down -128

Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

thumb_up thumb_down +45

your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -88

Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

thumb_up thumb_down -126

Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

thumb_up thumb_down -322

me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

thumb_up thumb_down +55

-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

thumb_up thumb_down +107

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!