Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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Want to go out? No

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Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!