the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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It rubs the lotion onto it's skin

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

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Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!