Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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adam burdass

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Welcome to DIE!

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Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!