Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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Gaywatch starts

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Penis. I got it

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

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I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!