Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +164

You look... clean

thumb_up thumb_down +120

-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

thumb_up thumb_down -25

I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Welcome to DIE!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

thumb_up thumb_down -58

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

A man is pulled over by a police officer and a conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Steven. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Steven, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Steven, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

thumb_up thumb_down +364

- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

thumb_up thumb_down +269

There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

thumb_up thumb_down +105

hey baby i just came in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -19

-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

thumb_up thumb_down +199

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!