Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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Gaywatch starts

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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all in all it was a good orgy

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You look exactly like my sister.

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!