- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

He:walks over She: What is it now? He:Unzips fly. She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book