Man: Hello! Mishimush! This is a Mister Borat eh? I would like to make the sexy time with you now woman... Eh can I make the rape on you? I will not make much crushings on you if you do not bite okay? Girl: WOW! SURE! Man: Sigh... I... (takes of wig and mustachio) I am actually Sasha Baron Cohen and this is just a hidden camera scene for my movie an.. Girl: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU YOU UGLY BASTARD! GET LOST! Man: DAMN! But its me the same guy and I think I just fell in love with you an... Girl: GET OUT YOU PERVERT! 10 minutes later: Man: Hello there oh honey, this is da berlinen wassenflass Bhruno and I would like you to help me make me the hetrosexal man for das werbungen of my movie star eh? Girl: .( Sigh... I miss that Borat guy... Man: But its me! I am Both Borat and Bruno and... Girl: YOU AGAIN?! GET LOST ASSHOLE! Man: Damn... something just went very very wrong here did it not? Borat: Hello the mister Baron eh? Mishimush! I am the making movie of Crushings of America! And this is my very Manly Man Bruno! Bruno: Hello hot stuff! Cohens! Me and Borat would like to make the very manly thing with you in a threycantzen of tree peepols! Borat: EH YES! We make bang bang in the anoos together with man man and man so no gays make us they slaves! Director: Is something wrong Mr.Cohen? Man: Uh... I think I need to see a shrink for a while after this experience...

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

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I have no gag reflex.

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

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are you on fire?

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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hey bitch

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sex me.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!