Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

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greetings clarisse...

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!