Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

thumb_up thumb_down +704

Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

thumb_up thumb_down +26

guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +79

When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

thumb_up thumb_down +37

If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

thumb_up thumb_down +127

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

thumb_up thumb_down +36

At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

thumb_up thumb_down +101

MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

thumb_up thumb_down +23

He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back becausemfalling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

thumb_up thumb_down +17

A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

thumb_up thumb_down +22

male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

thumb_up thumb_down -96

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!