"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

- Did it hurt? - Yes.

Want to go out? No

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

Damn you look good in beer goggles.

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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