- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... gets up and leaves Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book