Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +156

nice kid... want another?

thumb_up thumb_down +97

-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

thumb_up thumb_down +118

Im gonna rape you..

thumb_up thumb_down +4

For you that think your family are too overprotective when it comes to sex, this was my story as a teenager. Mom: Hi guys! Me and ladyfriend: Hi mom! This is my ladyfriend: (insert your name if you are female) Dad: Woho! Good catch son! *claps me on shoulder* Mom: Dont worry, you guys just go right up and "study" eh ;) eh ;) and we are gonna put the music REALLY LOUD down here! And there is no need to be ashamed of stains nor anything. Dad: No we understand ;) ;) ;) Girl: Uh... you invited me just to study right? Me: Believe it or not I did... Dad: Yeah you two young ones go study! Remember condom though! ;) Girl: Axel! WTF?! *leaves* Me: Mom.. Dad! WTF!? I dont know anything about algebra (not even to this day, and I am almost 30) Dad: Algebra eh? ;) Next time give her a good "algebra". Me: Mom tell that moron tha... Mom: Relax son, I understand that you boys have desires and the next time you take her with you, you dont need to be ashamed or come up with excuse.. Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Moral: To believe I learned most my ways by having ladyfriends... despite my parents... Mom and Dad overprotective? Good... trust me!

thumb_up thumb_down -65

-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

thumb_up thumb_down +156

Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Get your coat, I've got a knife.

thumb_up thumb_down -99

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

thumb_up thumb_down -35

4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

thumb_up thumb_down +281

Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

thumb_up thumb_down +61

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!