- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

Lol, waifu and Rebecca are like "do you have to type so much? Come back prince charming... ...I Am all NO! AND CALL ME MASTER BISON. SO ANYWAY SHORT coMMENT SEE? I DONT HAVE TO TYPE AS MUCH! AND NOW THAT THEY ARE ALL LAUGHING BECAUSE OF MY SHEET HERE I JUST KEEP TYPING YOU KNOW BECAUSE THEY ARE HANGING OVER ME AND I CANT MOVE.:: GIrls read this: (not you ladies not yet, I am talking about my gals here) IF YOU WANT ME TO JOIN YOU, MOVE THE FUCK OVER TO EACH OF YOUR SIDES, SO I CAN GET UP, YOU CAN SQUEEZE ON TOP OF EACH OTHER SO I CAN DO YOU BOTH. Lol Rebecca is all like "He is not really posting that stuff right? "Hey Nero you are not going to post that stuff are you? Lol Harris, does your sister know me again? Ps: Dont worry folks, I mean Harris is like my bro from another ho, seriously, I bang his sister, he goes like "THERE IS A GOOD CATCH SON!" And kept giving me the thumbs ups when she liked Anal too much and could not sit. ANYWAYSSSSSSS SHORT COMMENT GET! (Sorry id type more, but I think my dick is alive again... IT MUST DROWN IN THE JUICES OF WITCHES OF ENCHANT! "I wont post this Rebecca? Lol, you know why I do not care about their opinion Rebecca lady" BECAUSE I AM AWESOME, AND THEY ARE NOOOOOOOOOOT! Oh you do not want your bro to know... Rebbeca chan... Your bro just sent me a thumbs ups and "take good care of her bro" Yeah let me put this incredibly good laptop away and show you. Ps: SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOORT!

Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

I'll punch ya!

I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!