-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!