Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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You allergic to semen?

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!