Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!