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Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

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You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!