What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

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Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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Male: Get in the van.

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!