Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

thumb_up thumb_down -53

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

thumb_up thumb_down +250

do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

thumb_up thumb_down -96

If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

thumb_up thumb_down +164

adam burdass

thumb_up thumb_down +29

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +132

Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

thumb_up thumb_down +160

- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

thumb_up thumb_down +9

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

thumb_up thumb_down -44

- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +230

Still a better love story than Twilight

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!