"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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I know what you guys are all thinking when you read my crazy stuff below: "That guy is crazy as fuck" My reply? Yeah I admit it, I get crazy as fuck when I and two or more ladies fuck for more than eight hours, my life is so sad. Anyway... I am chillaxing again, getting old here, not sure if I can go another round, soon I am gonna have to lie down and let the ladies do some work too... Wish me luck girls! Guys go fuck yourself its all you got. Anyway, I saw this famous book today: ALPHA MAN: LEADER OF MEN. I Lolled, someday I am gonna write ALPHA MAN: LEADER OF WOMEN TO YOUR BED... YOu might learn something girls... Where I live and stuff ;) You see I dont even lead them here anymore, they come to me! AND IN RETURN I COME IN THEM! AND THEY COME FOR ME! AND WITH EACH OTHE... ...Bitch opened the window (not my wife, our bitch) I am sweaty, the bedsheets are wet and... Rebecca is nice and all, cutest girl ever loved anal, but damn she is stupid. Sorry Harris, but you know your sistah has more curves than a racetrack... Harris if you ever read this, stop calling me SON all the time my bro from another ho. My point Harris, is that regardless of your sistah being smart maybe just pretending to be stupid, a girl with the face of an angel and the body of the goddess of sex dont need to use her brains DAD! YOU KNOW DAD! I JUST FUCKED YOUR SISTER DAD! CAN YOU HEAR HOW WRONG IT IS! YOU CANT CALL ME SON LIKE DAT!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!