- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

Hello, it's nice to meet you.

Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

your almost as hot as my wife

Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book