Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!