-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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rohypnol. rape drug

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And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

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Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!