hey Herpes Go Away!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

thumb_up thumb_down -87

You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +112

him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

thumb_up thumb_down -144

MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

thumb_up thumb_down -13

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down +102

Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

thumb_up thumb_down +150

Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I'll punch ya!

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +120

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

thumb_up thumb_down -193

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!