Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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I have a gun.

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!