Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

Are you from Wales, because...well...

So, you're a girl, huh?

Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

Hello children! :D

- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

Walking to your car alone later?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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