i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

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G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!