Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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all in all it was a good orgy

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

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Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

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Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!