roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!