Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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"Don't scream"

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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nice kid... want another?

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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At Barlevania: Man: Yo lady... mind if I hang around? Woman: Uh... wait... there is a weird song outside... Man: Yeah but you will you... yeah... its getting louder! *nana nanananana nana* Man: What the hell is that? Woman: No idea, its getting louder! *NANA NANANANANANA KATAMARI DAMACY NANA NANANANANANANA KATAMERUUUUU! DAMACY DAMACY*¨¨ *Both the man and the woman gets rolled up in a spirit ball by the prince, in no time the bar gets rolled up as well* Dun dun dun dun dun dun Du du dun dun STAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAAAAAR LIGHT! King of all cosmos: Eh.. buenos dias! That means good day in Spanish the king thinks... the king likes languages... Eh? What is this insignificant thing you rolled up? Earth? The king does not like it... it feels too earthy! To humanny and stuff... *The king of all cosmos throws the earth away towards outer space* "ROLLED UP EARTH HAS BECOME PLANET EARTH!" Moral: Katamari Damacy taught us all that it does not have to make sense to be funny, but its not a good idea to for anyone to hit on anything while the planet is being rolled up...

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!