-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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free candy....

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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- Did it hurt? - Yes.

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HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!