Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Hello children! :D

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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your almost as hot as my wife

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!