"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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my dick is 2 inches

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!