How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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-hey, come here a minute.

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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are you on fire?

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!