Stop Footing Around

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

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Wanna have sex?

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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I'll punch ya!

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!