I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!