Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

thumb_up thumb_down +56

F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

thumb_up thumb_down +4

what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

thumb_up thumb_down -34

boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

thumb_up thumb_down +254

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +194

Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

thumb_up thumb_down +153

- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

thumb_up thumb_down +139

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

thumb_up thumb_down -103

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Is your father a gardener? -No, why? ..Because I was wondering what a cactus like you doing in a place like this.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!