He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Get in the van.

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Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!