Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Welcome to DIE!

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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Nice legs what time do they open

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!