If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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H3LL0 Girls, You need some THERAPEY? Call Nero The Moralman For A qualified TheRapist. The number? You wont get it, so then you will go mad with lust and need therapey Moral: Ooooh... I says ANTI Pickup line... Whats that? More Moral: Nothing is immoral! Everything is Moral MORAL MAN!

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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Lesbihonest

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Glass Basketball

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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- You look really nice - I know

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!