M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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I have no gag reflex.

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!