me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!