Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

Gaywatch starts

Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

sex me.

-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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