-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!