(in a loud club) -Do you wanna dance?! -Umm, with YOU? NO! -What?! oh no, i said, "you look FAT in those PANTS!"

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!