-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

thumb_up thumb_down +112

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

thumb_up thumb_down +117

While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

thumb_up thumb_down +128

B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

thumb_up thumb_down +249

if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

thumb_up thumb_down +121

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

thumb_up thumb_down -150

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

thumb_up thumb_down +693

My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

thumb_up thumb_down -113

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

thumb_up thumb_down +24

He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Stop Footing Around

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

thumb_up thumb_down -40

the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

thumb_up thumb_down -90

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

thumb_up thumb_down +253

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!