do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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