Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

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You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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greetings clarisse...

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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whats up ho

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!