Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!