Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

thumb_up thumb_down +133

Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

thumb_up thumb_down +60

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

thumb_up thumb_down +137

Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

thumb_up thumb_down -85

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!