A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

Wanna have sex?

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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