-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

thumb_up thumb_down -43

-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

thumb_up thumb_down -86

I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

thumb_up thumb_down +28

I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

thumb_up thumb_down +7

You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

thumb_up thumb_down -35

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Yeah you got me there dude, you really got my bragging rights... I am here with some "just" (nothing special) friend of my wife, that is wearing me out as she wont get off my Swagger, but while mentioning it like this makes me just as depraved as her... Gotta say, woman pleading me to get jumping on my cock, while my wife makes us breakfast... ...Im done being the king, im a fucking God. Anyway, "Eriksen" (you know who I mean) is pissed at me because I was supposed to be at work, and he apparently spends time here looking for me when he knows I am getting down and... Man this woman needs the cock... I mean at this rate she will bang me to death... ...But what a way to go. But seriously, would I really be at work, and allow you to come get my/now your car from garage whose walls are so paper thin that the police and securitas would be on your ass if I was not at least nearby? (well securitas are lazy, but as a lawyer, I benefit from suing them... Again) There are like eight alarms there, and you so gangsta you would get jailed. UPDATE: Punches, not slaps, remember the guy who punched that sweet chick when he got drunk, and then you punched me down and I got up and broke your jaw? Yeah that shit stings still, Five punches, at any time (no haymakers hey, I know my haymakers/uppercuts) but you take five punches... The fuck am I talking to, whigs is here already... Moral: I wont just write this shit just to make it all disappear with a delete button, fuck, im a super sayan!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Sorry Nero, this is still Golgo 12, I am trying to reach you here as the other place is down, I can see why some people consider you insane, sorry to admit I left the order by the time you left as well, Eliza was the only one that could keep up with your stuff, the rest well you know... So point zero is some kind of elysum now huh? For real? And you rule there? I mean I never doubted your wisdom, but six million people living some kinda new world order at point zero? Thats hard to believe.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Handsome rich looking man: I would like to take you somewhere nice, maybe watch a movie at the cinema, then we could go to my place and have a romantic dinner.. finally... Girl: YES YES! Man: as I was saying... Finally I can make sweet love with your dog...if its fine by you... Girl: wtf?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!