A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

so... you're a girl,huh?

damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

I wish my sister was as hot as you.

Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

"My mom won't be home for hours..."

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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