male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

thumb_up thumb_down +55

-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

thumb_up thumb_down -20

How you doin? go away- I have a gun

thumb_up thumb_down +24

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

thumb_up thumb_down +127

Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

thumb_up thumb_down -105

At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

thumb_up thumb_down +51

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

thumb_up thumb_down +120

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

thumb_up thumb_down +95

whats up ho

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Yo imma let you finish yourself off

thumb_up thumb_down +47

To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

thumb_up thumb_down -157

Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

thumb_up thumb_down -45

greetings clarisse...

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

thumb_up thumb_down +179

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!