I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!