What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Man: Hello there my name is... Woman: I wish you where water... Man: So you can swallow me? Hey not so fast baby! I dont like em fast. Woman: You did not let me finish! Man: Whatever, gotta go... Moral: Girls... women... you may be mysterious, but unlocking your secrets is my favorite pastime... I CHARRENGE YOU!... Then again I never liked women throwing themselves at me without me saying a word (not that it happens very often)¨ Ps: I see some other people have started to add "morals" to their stories, without success sadly, keep going kids, and people will always of course know who the real "Moral man is" because of the cheap nature of my fantastically silly and "dragged out of the ass" nature of my morals...

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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greetings clarisse...

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Hey, you want a ride?

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!