- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

why are you you touching me ????

Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book