Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!