- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

cockface

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book