Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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I hate you already.

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!