- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

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-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

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Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!