If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

thumb_up thumb_down +41

M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

thumb_up thumb_down +193

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Mario: Ey princess, wanna make the sexy time eh? Princess: With a fat Italian plumber? HELL NO! Bowser: MWAHAHAHA I AM SO GONNA RAPE YOU WITH MY SPINY DICK! Princess: HELP HELP MARIO I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST SAVE ME! NO BOWSER PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT IN THERE! ITS TOO TIGH... Shigeru Miyamoto: So this is how I wanted to make the Super Mario series... sexy eh? Girl: DISGUSTING! Shigeru Miyamoto: Well what do you think about the idea with Monkey Dong and the other girl tha...HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

thumb_up thumb_down +108

roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

thumb_up thumb_down +8

hey you look like a good practice girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

thumb_up thumb_down -5

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

I've got a black belt in lovin'.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

thumb_up thumb_down +53

did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!