greetings clarisse...

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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Mario: Ey princess, wanna make the sexy time eh? Princess: With a fat Italian plumber? HELL NO! Bowser: MWAHAHAHA I AM SO GONNA RAPE YOU WITH MY SPINY DICK! Princess: HELP HELP MARIO I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST SAVE ME! NO BOWSER PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT IN THERE! ITS TOO TIGH... Shigeru Miyamoto: So this is how I wanted to make the Super Mario series... sexy eh? Girl: DISGUSTING! Shigeru Miyamoto: Well what do you think about the idea with Monkey Dong and the other girl tha...HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!