Welcome to DIE!

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!