Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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