Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!