-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!