What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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You allergic to semen?

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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Keep it classy! Man: Hello mylady may I be as rude as to say you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? Girl: Oh, wow I mean such class! Man: Yes you see, I am only asking... You see, would you mind a bit of some violent rapage? Girl: How dare you! Man: Oh I mean not be rude mylady, just a bit of torture and some few stylish cuts with my fancy knife? Moral: Whatever you do, whatever you want, KEEP IT CLASSY!

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!