Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

thumb_up thumb_down -53

At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

thumb_up thumb_down -119

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

thumb_up thumb_down +57

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Drunk woman enters what she thinks is a bar... (how original). "man gets close to her" Woman: You men are all dogs! Man: Bark bark! Woman: No need to get cheeky with me asshole! Man: Bark bark... Woman proceeds to pass out and wake up at a kennel... "Mandog": Bark bark. Moral: If you think every man is a dog, then you may just be bark barking the wrong tree... or place... I mean dont expect to find nice men at a dirty bar, and dont expect to find horny jerks at your church reunion. (A moral man original... and I actually like this one!)

thumb_up thumb_down -11

My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

thumb_up thumb_down +108

Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!