Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +2

MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

thumb_up thumb_down +105

-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

thumb_up thumb_down -229

Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Do you want to see something swell?

thumb_up thumb_down -60

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

thumb_up thumb_down +112

I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

thumb_up thumb_down +82

I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

thumb_up thumb_down +46

"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

thumb_up thumb_down -50

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

thumb_up thumb_down -104

Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

What's the difference between a duck? An orange

thumb_up thumb_down -97

why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down +108

I think I shit myself

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -55

While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

thumb_up thumb_down +127

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!