You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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Drunk woman enters what she thinks is a bar... (how original). "man gets close to her" Woman: You men are all dogs! Man: Bark bark! Woman: No need to get cheeky with me asshole! Man: Bark bark... Woman proceeds to pass out and wake up at a kennel... "Mandog": Bark bark. Moral: If you think every man is a dog, then you may just be bark barking the wrong tree... or place... I mean dont expect to find nice men at a dirty bar, and dont expect to find horny jerks at your church reunion. (A moral man original... and I actually like this one!)

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!