-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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That King that said: Kill all male babies... Lets say he was a teenager? Moral: Excellent job son, but you see, sharing is caring, have a victory drink!... Thing is... I don't care... rest well...For eternity... Hughman Heffer... The seed has been sown... you got nothing on me...

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!