Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

I think I shit myself

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

thumb_up thumb_down -122

He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

thumb_up thumb_down -62

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Male: Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

thumb_up thumb_down -48

I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

thumb_up thumb_down +69

I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

thumb_up thumb_down +45

-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

thumb_up thumb_down -81

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

thumb_up thumb_down +100

I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

thumb_up thumb_down -85

M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -126

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down -104

Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

thumb_up thumb_down -102

hey baby i just came in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down

HI, DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME DOCTOR RABBIT THE HYMEN DESTROYER? Nero the clit collector: Actually this works pretty good, just wear a random rabbit costume, cut a hole where your CAWCK is, and make sure they are girls under twelve or below (because it kinda loses its meaning with little boys but fuck it anyways, yeah fuck it! FUCK IT TO THE LIMIT!) I work at a daycare center: Because I care.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!