Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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Woman enters a...uh Cafe that only sells alcohol and stuff... now that is variation from the usual bar eh? Woman: Yo bitchy hot stuff, you look cheap get over here! lets bang! Man: How dare you! Woman: Why? You dont wanna try my wiener? Man: "throws drink at woman", Im gonna tell my girlfriend! Woman: I start getting the feeling something is very wrong here man... Man: Humpf! Just wait to my girlfriend gets here and beats you u... wait I to think there is something very very wrong here. Moral: The world may never know...

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-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!