bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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-I love you.

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!