Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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-hey, come here a minute.

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!