Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

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Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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Are your prices by the hour

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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Welcome to DIE!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!