- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Stop Footing Around

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!