Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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Moral man: Hey ladies... wanna read my "moral man original jokes?" then you are at the right place! Just scroll down the newest section and you will feel, insulted, charmed, happy, sad, and all that stuff you always wanted! Except beaten up... Moral man do other things to women... BTW I used to write comics (not draw them) for STUPIDO once... well I cant say more... Girl: "Reads": OMG I SO WANT YOU! Moral: If you are gonna like me less (or more) because of the "infomercial" nature of this anti-joke, then you must be the kind that yells to the TV a lot, and throw bricks at the television when it says "this show is presented by" So just do it, prove you are a nutcase, give me that luxury.

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Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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Hi I am THE MORAL MAN! Moral: I am not famous enough yet it seems... except around my block where woman screams have been so loud people have called the cops... RAWRS... yeah I am bragging, but at least its the truth... (I cant wait for the day I am so famous that I walk into a bar and tell women that I am Moral man and run before they beat me to death)

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!