Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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cockface

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!