Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!