Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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-Get in the Van

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!