Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Are your prices by the hour

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!