I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!