MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

thumb_up thumb_down -67

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

thumb_up thumb_down +120

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down -44

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

free candy....

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

thumb_up thumb_down +126

HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

thumb_up thumb_down +118

-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

thumb_up thumb_down -150

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

thumb_up thumb_down -48

How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

thumb_up thumb_down +158

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!