Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -124

Soon

thumb_up thumb_down -71

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

thumb_up thumb_down -47

2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

thumb_up thumb_down +148

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

thumb_up thumb_down -16

-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

thumb_up thumb_down +146

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

thumb_up thumb_down -133

Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

thumb_up thumb_down -77

- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!