He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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free candy....

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

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Golf.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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For you that think your family are too overprotective when it comes to sex, this was my story as a teenager. Mom: Hi guys! Me and ladyfriend: Hi mom! This is my ladyfriend: (insert your name if you are female) Dad: Woho! Good catch son! *claps me on shoulder* Mom: Dont worry, you guys just go right up and "study" eh ;) eh ;) and we are gonna put the music REALLY LOUD down here! And there is no need to be ashamed of stains nor anything. Dad: No we understand ;) ;) ;) Girl: Uh... you invited me just to study right? Me: Believe it or not I did... Dad: Yeah you two young ones go study! Remember condom though! ;) Girl: Axel! WTF?! *leaves* Me: Mom.. Dad! WTF!? I dont know anything about algebra (not even to this day, and I am almost 30) Dad: Algebra eh? ;) Next time give her a good "algebra". Me: Mom tell that moron tha... Mom: Relax son, I understand that you boys have desires and the next time you take her with you, you dont need to be ashamed or come up with excuse.. Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Moral: To believe I learned most my ways by having ladyfriends... despite my parents... Mom and Dad overprotective? Good... trust me!

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!