"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!