-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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why are you you touching me ????

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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I have no gag reflex.

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!