-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!