Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Sex?

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!