- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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imgonna r@pe you

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Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!