Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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Hey wanna smash pissers?

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!