Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!