Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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Have you met Ted?

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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Nice legs what time do they open

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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