The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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greetings clarisse...

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!