I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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I have no gag reflex.

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!