The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

thumb_up thumb_down +336

Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

thumb_up thumb_down -20

-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

thumb_up thumb_down -131

Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

thumb_up thumb_down +183

guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

thumb_up thumb_down +175

Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

So when' the baby due?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

thumb_up thumb_down +33

If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!