Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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yo im will smith yo, thats my name and I was juzz wonderin if you ever you know like the beach or bbq because stuff happen yanno and while I do some rap id just belieeve that things are a bit crazy these times so I was thinking maybe ill ask you out right? But then I was like WHAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAA and... Hey gurl where you goin im just getting warmed up. Moral: I met the guy, day one I had a great day, day two I didnt get any sleep and now I hate him, the end.

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!