- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" crying "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

My therapist says I should meet new people.

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

Man: I wanna know what love iiiiiiis... And I want you to show meeeeeeeeee! Woman slams man with baseball bat Man: Urgh... ARGH MY FACE BLEEDING EVERYWHERE! WHYYYY! Woman: I love baseball! Moral: Stupid singing idiot, if that is not the worst pick up line ever, then some other is!

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book