-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!