Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Boy : Gurle: hi

thumb_up thumb_down -22

M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

thumb_up thumb_down +117

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

thumb_up thumb_down -14

I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down +148

Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

thumb_up thumb_down +295

- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

thumb_up thumb_down +70

He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

thumb_up thumb_down -46

How much do you like peanut butter?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

thumb_up thumb_down +87

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

thumb_up thumb_down -88

You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

thumb_up thumb_down -151

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!