roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!