so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

Get your coat love. I've got a knife

Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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