Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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-Get in the Van

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!