Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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Do you live around here often?

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Hey did you fall from Heaven? Cos I think you are angel. If I'd fallen from anywhere that high I'd be in hospital with serious injuries or dead. Do the logic.

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!