-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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Have you met Ted?

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!