Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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"Don't scream"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!