Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

thumb_up thumb_down -31

hey you look like a good practice girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

thumb_up thumb_down +172

- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +122

I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

thumb_up thumb_down +140

How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What's the difference between a duck? An orange

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!