-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Are your prices by the hour

thumb_up thumb_down +1

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

thumb_up thumb_down +35

I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

thumb_up thumb_down -43

I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

thumb_up thumb_down -46

If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

thumb_up thumb_down +41

-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

thumb_up thumb_down -46

I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

thumb_up thumb_down +86

He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

thumb_up thumb_down +152

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

thumb_up thumb_down +169

What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

thumb_up thumb_down -137

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!