M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

thumb_up thumb_down -119

Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +131

-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

thumb_up thumb_down +127

guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

thumb_up thumb_down +141

Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

thumb_up thumb_down -96

Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

thumb_up thumb_down +158

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!