(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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So when' the baby due?

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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"You'll do."

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!