Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

hey Herpes Go Away!

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

-I love you.

*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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