- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book