At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Soon

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!