-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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I have no gag reflex.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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"Don't scream"

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!