You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

thumb_up thumb_down +142

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

thumb_up thumb_down +72

You're so hot I'd do you sober.

thumb_up thumb_down +196

Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

thumb_up thumb_down +89

Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

thumb_up thumb_down +238

-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

thumb_up thumb_down +41

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

thumb_up thumb_down +197

Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

thumb_up thumb_down +213

I have no gag reflex.

thumb_up thumb_down +128

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

thumb_up thumb_down -108

Your body would look good in my trunk.

thumb_up thumb_down +148

Walking to your car alone later?

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Get your coat, I've got a knife.

thumb_up thumb_down -103

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

thumb_up thumb_down +77

man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

thumb_up thumb_down -241

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +322

-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +334

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!