I think I shit myself

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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