M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Lol man, you know this man would never sue your ass, but... Man it takes a message here to see that you are like a super whigger. Anyway DAD! Thanks for the kind words, and seriously, you dont kiss ass on regular basis just one thing, you can reply wherever, text is cool You got the hots for your sister dude? I mean the deal was 50 uh words? Letters? Anyway its good, but DAD!... You know I never asked you to write anything about your sisters ass, its kinda weird DAD! Anyway, what do I judge, I banged my 7 years old sister back at the days where I still called her mom... Well she trained me, then I returned with the force, and now her husband kinda knows my deal and... I STILL BANG HER! <<<<< Anyway, man, keep the cash, I just wanted to show the world... Moral: Ladies and gentlemen, and this is how you make someone and anyone your bitch! Nothing personal DAD! You know that as far as I care, all my friends kneel before while my enemies are crushed under my mighty heel. Charisma... Kiddo, I know you are struggling with cash and stuff, but seriously, just for that one online, (your sisters story which id never ask you to go for helps) BUT If you have read this far (BECAUSE THE WORDS OF YOUR DARK OVERLORD ARE LAW) Then just send me a reply saying 666 and I will pay to fix whatever the hell is wrong with your car man, I cant stand the sound, and I know you can pay up, its just that times are down... ...For you. Actual code 999 (not satanist here, I hate all religion) post 666 and ill get someone to slice your tires instead.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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