Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!