sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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You look exactly like my sister.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!