I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Lesbihonest

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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You smell just like my mom...

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!