Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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cockface

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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adam burdass

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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