Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Dont blame me for using moral all the time its just part of my sig...nature XD Moral: Not a pick up line, so its pretty anti.

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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Hello, it's nice to meet you.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!