Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

-I love you.

*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

You look exactly like my sister.

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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