"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Im gonna rape you..

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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greetings clarisse...

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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I'll punch ya!

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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imgonna r@pe you

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!