-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Do you live around here often?

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!