You smell just like my mom...

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

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Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Hey wanna smash pissers?

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!