You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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-hey, come here a minute.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!