WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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whats up ho

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I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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sound of zipper

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Anti-Pickup Line

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