- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 lies

He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book