Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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my dick is 2 inches

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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