It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!