-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!