- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

thumb_up thumb_down +259

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

thumb_up thumb_down +99

-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +181

He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

thumb_up thumb_down +106

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

thumb_up thumb_down -247

"Next!"

thumb_up thumb_down +103

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

thumb_up thumb_down +129

Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

thumb_up thumb_down -124

Yo imma let you finish yourself off

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

thumb_up thumb_down +89

M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

thumb_up thumb_down -19

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!