Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

hey bitch

- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

What's the difference between a duck? An orange

Drink this!

the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!