male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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who wants to play EPAR

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!