man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

thumb_up thumb_down -12

roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down +42

I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Nice hair, can I pull it?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

thumb_up thumb_down +94

-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

thumb_up thumb_down +18

You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

thumb_up thumb_down +148

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

thumb_up thumb_down +151

Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

thumb_up thumb_down -54

You look like a dog... Wana bone?

thumb_up thumb_down -86

-hey, come here a minute.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +89

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +120

Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

thumb_up thumb_down +290

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!