I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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my dick is 2 inches

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!