I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

thumb_up thumb_down +190

-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

thumb_up thumb_down -21

The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down +90

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Drink this!

thumb_up thumb_down +72

You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

thumb_up thumb_down +174

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

thumb_up thumb_down +19

-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

thumb_up thumb_down -141

Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

thumb_up thumb_down +203

-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

thumb_up thumb_down -129

*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +76

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

thumb_up thumb_down -340

- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

thumb_up thumb_down -73

She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

thumb_up thumb_down -113

guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!