-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

thumb_up thumb_down -151

Man enters bar and does a lot of magic tricks, all the prettiest women are extremely impressed: Girls: WOW! We would do anything to see more of that! Guy: Uh... damn I forgot what to do after this... Moral: Screw the game man, its a stupid book, just be your moronic self and someone will like you for the lovely disgusting moron that you are... by the way you lost the game :D

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

thumb_up thumb_down +81

McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

thumb_up thumb_down +154

Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

http://pirater-gratuit.fr hacker un compte fb

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

thumb_up thumb_down -100

So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

thumb_up thumb_down -217

-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +183

Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -229

If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Do you live around here often?

thumb_up thumb_down +161

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!