Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!