Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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Want to go out? No

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!