- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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"Don't scream"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!