SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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-I love you.

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!