Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

thumb_up thumb_down +247

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

- You look really nice - I know

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Yo imma let you finish yourself off

thumb_up thumb_down +54

What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +46

I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +126

male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

thumb_up thumb_down +66

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

thumb_up thumb_down -114

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

thumb_up thumb_down +65

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +212

*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!