Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!