Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

Gaywatch starts

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

I'll eat your poop

Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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