Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!