Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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sssssssssssssssssssssssss sss sssssssssss x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x xx sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x xxsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x xssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x xsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x x xssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x x xsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x x xssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss x xxxxx xsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss xxxxxxx xssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss xxxxx xx xsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ... ssss xx xsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. ..... ssss xxx xxxx xsssssssssssssssssssssssssss... ...... sssss x xxx xxx xsssssssssssssssssssssss .... .......... sssx x xx xsssxxssssssssssssssssss ........ ............ sssss xssssssssssssssssssssssss ........... ............. 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.............. ............. ............. ............ ............. ............ ............ ............ ........... ............ ........... ............ ......... ............ ......... ............ ......... ........... ......... ...........

Dont let this rape turn into a murder

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!