Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

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Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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sex me.

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!