Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!