If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Jdkfk

thumb_up thumb_down +137

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

hey baby i just came in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

thumb_up thumb_down -81

I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

thumb_up thumb_down -40

What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

thumb_up thumb_down -6

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Man:Yeah, hey yo I'm feelin' like Ray Charles I got my shades on, I don't know where they are You couldn't find me even if you had a radar And I spit rapidly AKAR! Woman: OK ok so you claim to be Ray Charles and all, not that you look like him nor have the same voice... but tell me, how the hell did Ray Charles himself manage to get himself stuck in the ladies sauna room eh? Man: To catch the sight of them boobies! I mean... uh... I do not know young lady, I must feel my way out of here, I hmm... no, this is too soft and round to be a doorknob, and this one is too big and round... hmm... maybe if I try lower I will... oh excuse the pole its my walking stick which I keep in my pants...

thumb_up thumb_down +92

So, you're a girl, huh?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

thumb_up thumb_down -114

GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

thumb_up thumb_down +156

-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!