B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!