Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -111

Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

thumb_up thumb_down -130

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down +194

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

thumb_up thumb_down -84

-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

thumb_up thumb_down +171

Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

you look like my mother

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

thumb_up thumb_down -126

Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

thumb_up thumb_down -84

And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

thumb_up thumb_down +230

Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!