Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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will you marry me

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!