Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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You look exactly like my sister.

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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