- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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Glass Basketball

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

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Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

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"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

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Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!