Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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why are you you touching me ????

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Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

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Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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