Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

thumb_up thumb_down -52

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

thumb_up thumb_down +52

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +171

Business Y U No Advertise?

thumb_up thumb_down +68

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

thumb_up thumb_down -38

man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

thumb_up thumb_down +102

You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

thumb_up thumb_down -24

My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Have you met Ted?

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

thumb_up thumb_down +161

-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

thumb_up thumb_down +23

He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

thumb_up thumb_down -23

- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

thumb_up thumb_down +121

-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

thumb_up thumb_down -30

"Hmm...you'll do."

thumb_up thumb_down +55

If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

thumb_up thumb_down +173

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

thumb_up thumb_down -116

Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

thumb_up thumb_down +118

Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

thumb_up thumb_down -144

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!