Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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I think I shit myself

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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-hey, come here a minute.

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!