Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Welcome to DIE!

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!