"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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free candy....

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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guy: hey baby come join the PEN15 club with mee ;) girl: whats that?? guy: come and i will show you...*goes into the guys restroom with her*....lets go to the restroom and never rest...except you can rest on my PEN15

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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haha

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!