Man: What did you say this horrible machine did look like? Woman: It was terrible it was like a man sized yellow and red robot that shoot lasers! After I refused its offer to come home with him he shoot lasers and destroyed my house... buah ;( ;( Man: That is terrible! Despicable! We have to do something about this! Such a beautiful supermodel should never go trough such a terrible atrocity! Woman: Buah... sigh... sniff... I know... but it was terrible! Man: so so my lady... you can come live with me in my giant mansion and we can have a couple of drinks to calm your nerves and relax... ;) Woman: Thank you Mr.Stark... Man: Oh Just call me Iron Ma... I mean Tony!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

thumb_up thumb_down +137

Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

thumb_up thumb_down -77

There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

thumb_up thumb_down +109

-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

thumb_up thumb_down -65

who wants to play EPAR

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

thumb_up thumb_down +23

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

thumb_up thumb_down +107

- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

thumb_up thumb_down -62

GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

thumb_up thumb_down +163

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +119

And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

thumb_up thumb_down +231

-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

thumb_up thumb_down -68

At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

thumb_up thumb_down -41

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!