-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Welcome to DIE!

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!