I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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why are you you touching me ????

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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free candy....

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!