You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +141

Eat me, I'm organic!

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +148

- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

thumb_up thumb_down -53

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

thumb_up thumb_down +19

My therapist says I should meet new people.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

thumb_up thumb_down -131

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +316

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +75

If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

thumb_up thumb_down +42

can i take a dump in your mouth?

thumb_up thumb_down -126

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

thumb_up thumb_down +68

-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +69

I hate you already.

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!