man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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