i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!