A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!