Have you met Ted?

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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I have a gun.

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

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Man at bar: Hey girls... want my banana in your pajamas? ;) ;) ;) Girls: YEAH! Man: "thinks for himself..."... man I never get this reaction from girls.. you are a bunch of skanks and sluts... (leaves the bar) In the end, we are never happy with what we get are we? yeah... this is kinda the moral of this story... (Ps: My banana in your pajamas... I got a girlfriend, but someday Im gonna try that pick up line... hahahaha

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why are you you touching me ????

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Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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Drunk woman enters what she thinks is a bar... (how original). "man gets close to her" Woman: You men are all dogs! Man: Bark bark! Woman: No need to get cheeky with me asshole! Man: Bark bark... Woman proceeds to pass out and wake up at a kennel... "Mandog": Bark bark. Moral: If you think every man is a dog, then you may just be bark barking the wrong tree... or place... I mean dont expect to find nice men at a dirty bar, and dont expect to find horny jerks at your church reunion. (A moral man original... and I actually like this one!)

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!