"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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I think I shit myself

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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sound of zipper

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!