At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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Want to go out? No

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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sound of zipper

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!