At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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2 fake blondes hitting on me. blondes: we're twins! me: so where are you from? blonde1: canada! blonde2 (at the same time): finland!

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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Get in the van.

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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Soon

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!