- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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Woman enters a...uh Cafe that only sells alcohol and stuff... now that is variation from the usual bar eh? Woman: Yo bitchy hot stuff, you look cheap get over here! lets bang! Man: How dare you! Woman: Why? You dont wanna try my wiener? Man: "throws drink at woman", Im gonna tell my girlfriend! Woman: I start getting the feeling something is very wrong here man... Man: Humpf! Just wait to my girlfriend gets here and beats you u... wait I to think there is something very very wrong here. Moral: The world may never know...

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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I just told Rebecca that the average man gets laid with about seven women during his life... ...She stares me in the eyes and goes "Noo! Really?" I mean should I feel cool? Is it because she has seen me with more women than... I dunno many, or because... Pssst: Harris... I mean you know I uh... Cherry pie this one right? Does this mean she goes around a lot doing a lot of other guys DAD!? (He calls me SON for like every third word, so yeah DAD... She is giving me a cold st... And she failed to take the laptop away from me, its kinda neat you know, typing while two girls cant share a... Well medium plus size dick... I mean... Wow they are making out... Imma gone forever. My fuckcount: Hell I know, when they say a guy bangs seven chicks during their lifetime, do they mean like a week? At once? Jk, I just pity the guys, for each extra gal for me, means one less for you right? Think positive folks, someone has to please them properly... Rebecca is like all "please sir?" "Thank you kind sir" (I hate being called kind) But in bed, she is all like FUCK ME HARDER YOU FUCKING MORON! Did I mention she has a sweet ass, and that my laptop is burning on her now... Multitasking: The key to threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes... I mean I wont say how many women I have done (rather been done by honestly) at once, why? Because you would never believe me. TWELVE... Eleven one wussed out actually because she just said it so she would look "cool among her friends... Poor little bitch..." Anyway, still twelve.

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NO WAIT SON ITS 999 FUCK COME ON! DONT GO "NERO SAYS WITH ME SON!" I mean that shit you pull on everyone, come on man, I posted wrong... Yeah your word is law and all that So can we like make a deal? You pay my repair wreck of a car and you can slash the damn tires yourself if you wanna later?

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!