baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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why are you you touching me ????

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

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Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!