He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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I'll punch ya!

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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free candy....

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!