-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

thumb_up thumb_down +83

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

thumb_up thumb_down +263

-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

thumb_up thumb_down +184

Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

thumb_up thumb_down -115

- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

thumb_up thumb_down +195

-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +131

I have no gag reflex.

thumb_up thumb_down +143

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

thumb_up thumb_down -95

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +141

"Don't scream"

thumb_up thumb_down +108

You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +160

-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

thumb_up thumb_down +192

Walking to your car alone later?

thumb_up thumb_down +152

Your body would look good in my trunk.

thumb_up thumb_down +162

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

thumb_up thumb_down +236

- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +227

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down +165

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +113

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

thumb_up thumb_down +79

I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +309

man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

thumb_up thumb_down -223

if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

thumb_up thumb_down +130

-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +339

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!