You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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you look like my mother

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

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Walking to your car alone later?

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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my dick is 2 inches

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!