Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

thumb_up thumb_down +54

A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

thumb_up thumb_down +89

You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

thumb_up thumb_down -28

- You look really nice - I know

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +121

guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

thumb_up thumb_down -58

sex me.

thumb_up thumb_down +106

MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

thumb_up thumb_down +51

This doesn't have to be a rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +152

Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Yeah... you'll have to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

thumb_up thumb_down +114

Hey can I have your number? No.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!