Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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-Get in the Van

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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cockface

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Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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For you that think your family are too overprotective when it comes to sex, this was my story as a teenager. Mom: Hi guys! Me and ladyfriend: Hi mom! This is my ladyfriend: (insert your name if you are female) Dad: Woho! Good catch son! *claps me on shoulder* Mom: Dont worry, you guys just go right up and "study" eh ;) eh ;) and we are gonna put the music REALLY LOUD down here! And there is no need to be ashamed of stains nor anything. Dad: No we understand ;) ;) ;) Girl: Uh... you invited me just to study right? Me: Believe it or not I did... Dad: Yeah you two young ones go study! Remember condom though! ;) Girl: Axel! WTF?! *leaves* Me: Mom.. Dad! WTF!? I dont know anything about algebra (not even to this day, and I am almost 30) Dad: Algebra eh? ;) Next time give her a good "algebra". Me: Mom tell that moron tha... Mom: Relax son, I understand that you boys have desires and the next time you take her with you, you dont need to be ashamed or come up with excuse.. Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Moral: To believe I learned most my ways by having ladyfriends... despite my parents... Mom and Dad overprotective? Good... trust me!

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!