At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +210

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

thumb_up thumb_down +132

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

thumb_up thumb_down -521

Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

thumb_up thumb_down -20

You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

hey baby i just came in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

thumb_up thumb_down -179

If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

thumb_up thumb_down +162

My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

thumb_up thumb_down +131

Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

thumb_up thumb_down -24

i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!