Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

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greetings clarisse...

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Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!