- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

I've got candy.

-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

Girl walks into restaurant - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book