I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!