"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

thumb_up thumb_down +82

There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

thumb_up thumb_down +19

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

thumb_up thumb_down -229

men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

thumb_up thumb_down +97

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down -89

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

thumb_up thumb_down -182

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Keep it classy! Man: Hello mylady may I be as rude as to say you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? Girl: Oh, wow I mean such class! Man: Yes you see, I am only asking... You see, would you mind a bit of some violent rapage? Girl: How dare you! Man: Oh I mean not be rude mylady, just a bit of torture and some few stylish cuts with my fancy knife? Moral: Whatever you do, whatever you want, KEEP IT CLASSY!

thumb_up thumb_down +53

At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Nice legs what time do they open

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!