Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

WOMAN! GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH NOW! Girl: But I do not even know you!? Man: Oh... uh.. hi sexy.. wanna get to know me?

Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

Gaywatch starts

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

Eat me, I'm organic!

Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

Drink this!

Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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