Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

Stable relationships are for horses.

Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

fancy going halves on a bastard?

Man: What did you say this horrible machine did look like? Woman: It was terrible it was like a man sized yellow and red robot that shoot lasers! After I refused its offer to come home with him he shoot lasers and destroyed my house... buah ;( ;( Man: That is terrible! Despicable! We have to do something about this! Such a beautiful supermodel should never go trough such a terrible atrocity! Woman: Buah... sigh... sniff... I know... but it was terrible! Man: so so my lady... you can come live with me in my giant mansion and we can have a couple of drinks to calm your nerves and relax... ;) Woman: Thank you Mr.Stark... Man: Oh Just call me Iron Ma... I mean Tony!

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!