Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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I'll eat your poop

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

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Glass Basketball

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!