"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Super man and Lois lane doing it... Supes: WOMAN I AM SO uh.. tHORNY that I want to thrust as hard as I can and... Lois: YAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Supes: Oh noes! R.I.P Lois Lane... Ripped In Pieces Indeed... Moral: Hey at least moral man can get laid... (a moral man fake... well actually original)

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

thumb_up thumb_down +384

Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

thumb_up thumb_down +113

girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

thumb_up thumb_down +56

(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

thumb_up thumb_down -167

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

thumb_up thumb_down +37

-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Are your prices by the hour

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!