M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

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Hey, you want a ride?

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Sex?

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!