Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

thumb_up thumb_down +158

Business Y U No Advertise?

thumb_up thumb_down +61

In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

thumb_up thumb_down +115

Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down +38

So when' the baby due?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

thumb_up thumb_down +89

What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

thumb_up thumb_down -12

-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

thumb_up thumb_down +77

-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

thumb_up thumb_down +132

can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

thumb_up thumb_down +155

Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Get your coat love. I've got a knife

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

thumb_up thumb_down +67

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!