Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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free candy....

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You look exactly like my sister.

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Penis. I got it

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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Man: Hello there my name is... Woman: I wish you where water... Man: So you can swallow me? Hey not so fast baby! I dont like em fast. Woman: You did not let me finish! Man: Whatever, gotta go... Moral: Girls... women... you may be mysterious, but unlocking your secrets is my favorite pastime... I CHARRENGE YOU!... Then again I never liked women throwing themselves at me without me saying a word (not that it happens very often)¨ Ps: I see some other people have started to add "morals" to their stories, without success sadly, keep going kids, and people will always of course know who the real "Moral man is" because of the cheap nature of my fantastically silly and "dragged out of the ass" nature of my morals...

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!