If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

thumb_up thumb_down -92

-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

thumb_up thumb_down -29

That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down +5

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

thumb_up thumb_down +319

I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +239

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

thumb_up thumb_down -18

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

thumb_up thumb_down +60

At Barlevania: Man: Yo lady... mind if I hang around? Woman: Uh... wait... there is a weird song outside... Man: Yeah but you will you... yeah... its getting louder! *nana nanananana nana* Man: What the hell is that? Woman: No idea, its getting louder! *NANA NANANANANANA KATAMARI DAMACY NANA NANANANANANANA KATAMERUUUUU! DAMACY DAMACY*¨¨ *Both the man and the woman gets rolled up in a spirit ball by the prince, in no time the bar gets rolled up as well* Dun dun dun dun dun dun Du du dun dun STAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAAAAAR LIGHT! King of all cosmos: Eh.. buenos dias! That means good day in Spanish the king thinks... the king likes languages... Eh? What is this insignificant thing you rolled up? Earth? The king does not like it... it feels too earthy! To humanny and stuff... *The king of all cosmos throws the earth away towards outer space* "ROLLED UP EARTH HAS BECOME PLANET EARTH!" Moral: Katamari Damacy taught us all that it does not have to make sense to be funny, but its not a good idea to for anyone to hit on anything while the planet is being rolled up...

thumb_up thumb_down +32

And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

thumb_up thumb_down +233

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

thumb_up thumb_down -46

If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down -104

I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

thumb_up thumb_down +174

Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!