you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!