I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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Hello children! :D

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!