Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Golf.

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!