Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

thumb_up thumb_down +81

- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

You smell just like my mom...

thumb_up thumb_down +33

J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

thumb_up thumb_down +48

adam burdass

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

free candy....

thumb_up thumb_down +3

You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

thumb_up thumb_down -94

Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

thumb_up thumb_down +181

M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!