Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

Keep it classy! Man: Hello mylady may I be as rude as to say you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? Girl: Oh, wow I mean such class! Man: Yes you see, I am only asking... You see, would you mind a bit of some violent rapage? Girl: How dare you! Man: Oh I mean not be rude mylady, just a bit of torture and some few stylish cuts with my fancy knife? Moral: Whatever you do, whatever you want, KEEP IT CLASSY!

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!