- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back becausemfalling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

Dont let this rape turn into a murder

Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book