Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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greetings clarisse...

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Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!