I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Im gonna rape you..

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Hello children! :D

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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you look like my mother

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!