Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!