Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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Hey, you want a ride?

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Fear not moral man is back, in a moment of weakness I let myself go... let us put it this way... some like me, some hate me, that is what happens when people such as I speak their opinion. And if someday the entire world wants to destroy Moral Man... Moral Man will unleash doomsday! Moral: I am back, like me, hate me, you can still ignore me... but until I get some sleep and can start working out again (icy weather is not for bicycling is it?) Then Moral Man stands... Ps: Hey, thanks there below, my most thumbed up comments had minus 5 and such, so I got kinda down since I thought the internet too needed someone that speaks his mind. More Morals: But then I remembered I do this to entertain myself, and that you downvoters can all go screw yourselves! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAN! MORAL MAAAAAAAAN! Action figures in store now!

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!