“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

thumb_up thumb_down -14

male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down -14

-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

thumb_up thumb_down +135

Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

thumb_up thumb_down -144

Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

thumb_up thumb_down -27

How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Girl: Hey classy older man, wanna get to know me better? Man: Sigh... sorry lady I am the man that played Gandalf in that... shitty lords of something movie... Girl: so what? Man: Sigh... you know.. Gandalf the white and Gandalf the gay...? Girl: Huh? Man: Ever seen the X-men? Girl: Yeah... Man: ONE WORD: FAGNETO! Girl: uh.. okay.. "leaves". Ian McKellen: Sigh... should have come out of the closet sooner...

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

thumb_up thumb_down -22

My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Glass Basketball

thumb_up thumb_down -20

on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

thumb_up thumb_down +37

whats up ho

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!