so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

thumb_up thumb_down +48

-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

thumb_up thumb_down +195

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

thumb_up thumb_down +239

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

thumb_up thumb_down -11

- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -164

Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

thumb_up thumb_down

I wish my sister was as hot as you.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

thumb_up thumb_down +24

boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

thumb_up thumb_down +277

Jdkfk

thumb_up thumb_down +145

wanna go halves on a b*stard?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!