You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!