Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

Man: Hello there my name is... Woman: I wish you where water... Man: So you can swallow me? Hey not so fast baby! I dont like em fast. Woman: You did not let me finish! Man: Whatever, gotta go... Moral: Girls... women... you may be mysterious, but unlocking your secrets is my favorite pastime... I CHARRENGE YOU!... Then again I never liked women throwing themselves at me without me saying a word (not that it happens very often)¨ Ps: I see some other people have started to add "morals" to their stories, without success sadly, keep going kids, and people will always of course know who the real "Moral man is" because of the cheap nature of my fantastically silly and "dragged out of the ass" nature of my morals...

You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

free candy....

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

Man: Yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Mirror: yoyoyoy my lady wanna get some? Man: SHIET!!! This never works! Moral: Take a look at yourself before you break yourself! By the time you start looking, sounding, feeling and even smelling awesome in the mirror, then the girls will feel the same way about you, no kidding.

Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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