You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

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Handsome rich looking man: I would like to take you somewhere nice, maybe watch a movie at the cinema, then we could go to my place and have a romantic dinner.. finally... Girl: YES YES! Man: as I was saying... Finally I can make sweet love with your dog...if its fine by you... Girl: wtf?

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!