If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!