-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

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Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!