Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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H3LL0 Girls, You need some THERAPEY? Call Nero The Moralman For A qualified TheRapist. The number? You wont get it, so then you will go mad with lust and need therapey Moral: Ooooh... I says ANTI Pickup line... Whats that? More Moral: Nothing is immoral! Everything is Moral MORAL MAN!

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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Hello, it's nice to meet you.

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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Girl: Go f**k yourself Guy: can you help me?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!