"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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Are your prices by the hour

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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Welcome to DIE!

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!