That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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"OMG A SAMSUNG!" Lol, thats cool man, as for the car, the engine is shiny and flawless, (you know for a fiat) and I have not used it since I you know "bought it" as in won it from my ex while playing poker? Id give it back to her if she was not such a bitch. Honestly dude, its a fiat, and that piece of shit you call a car, I mean man, we have been towed from the free way like six times already? XD And that is just the few times I want to sit in that piece of shit XD I mean the seats pop off and there is "custom space to transport marijuana there man XD" I seriously hope you bought it that way, because stoners aint my friends. Seriously dude, the Fiat (aka "car") is yours, you know that you are bankrupt because you keep trying to fix that piece of shit on wheels of yours XD, and hey, surprise kiddo, I renewed the engine, so its new and shiny, and free, and fuck if not only the engine itself is worth ten more times than... A billion of those pieces of shit you drive XD No seriously, you know me, Im The Hannibal, I am the beast but I like it classy, and its pretty embarrassing sitting on that piece of shit you call for a car. I know we are from different worlds pal, but take it, just gave myself a bonus at work (legal of course) but I got to say it... "A SAMSUNG OMG" XD And yeah, I know you been eyeballing that "car" aka Fiat, its yours whenever you want it, just tell people I am leasing it to you (I mean it I really do, thats my only condition) Moral: "I DRIVE PIECES OF SHIT FOR BREAKFAST!" PROTIP FOR GETTING ANYWHERE IN YOUR CAR: Put it The opposite way, and have the towing car tow you TOWARDS the place you want to get to XD (hey, how many times you been towed JUST from the freeway? I mean I hate hunting, but do you really use that shit in the Forrest too? Answer here, be real, and come get your car.

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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"You'll do."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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