G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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will you marry me

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-I love you.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!