-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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This doesn't have to be a rape.

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!