Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

thumb_up thumb_down +69

What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

thumb_up thumb_down

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -166

What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Whatever I'll just date myself.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

thumb_up thumb_down +201

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

thumb_up thumb_down -204

Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

thumb_up thumb_down -58

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

thumb_up thumb_down +122

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

thumb_up thumb_down -63

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -95

I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!