"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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adam burdass

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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