Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

I'd hit that.... with a truck.

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

you look like my mother

Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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