-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

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-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

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As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!