Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

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Soon

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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On line post: Woman: HELLO! I love you, I am from Russia and find you particularly handsome and rich I am certain you could take care of me and I will do anything for you ;) here are some nice pictures I have never met someone as fantastic as you please contact me! (revealing pictures.gif) additional information: This message has been sent to 100.000 other recipients. FAIL! Moral: And I had not even moved out from my parents home yet... rich enough my ass...

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who wants to play EPAR

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!