Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

thumb_up thumb_down -33

"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

thumb_up thumb_down +43

- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Drunk woman enters what she thinks is a bar... (how original). "man gets close to her" Woman: You men are all dogs! Man: Bark bark! Woman: No need to get cheeky with me asshole! Man: Bark bark... Woman proceeds to pass out and wake up at a kennel... "Mandog": Bark bark. Moral: If you think every man is a dog, then you may just be bark barking the wrong tree... or place... I mean dont expect to find nice men at a dirty bar, and dont expect to find horny jerks at your church reunion. (A moral man original... and I actually like this one!)

thumb_up thumb_down -9

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

thumb_up thumb_down -142

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

thumb_up thumb_down -60

-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

thumb_up thumb_down -85

- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

thumb_up thumb_down -231

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

thumb_up thumb_down -81

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!