Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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cockface

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!