Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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Get in the van.

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!