If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

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Wanna have sex?

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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I'll punch ya!

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!