Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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Stop Footing Around

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!