Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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- You look really nice - I know

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Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!