My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

thumb_up thumb_down -45

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

thumb_up thumb_down -61

when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

thumb_up thumb_down -108

-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

thumb_up thumb_down +114

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +112

Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

thumb_up thumb_down -95

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +107

hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +124

You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

thumb_up thumb_down +127

In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

thumb_up thumb_down +18

-Get in the Van

thumb_up thumb_down -4

*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +210

Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!