I have no gag reflex.

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!