Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Lol man, you know this man would never sue your ass, but... Man it takes a message here to see that you are like a super whigger. Anyway DAD! Thanks for the kind words, and seriously, you dont kiss ass on regular basis just one thing, you can reply wherever, text is cool You got the hots for your sister dude? I mean the deal was 50 uh words? Letters? Anyway its good, but DAD!... You know I never asked you to write anything about your sisters ass, its kinda weird DAD! Anyway, what do I judge, I banged my 7 years old sister back at the days where I still called her mom... Well she trained me, then I returned with the force, and now her husband kinda knows my deal and... I STILL BANG HER! <<<<< Anyway, man, keep the cash, I just wanted to show the world... Moral: Ladies and gentlemen, and this is how you make someone and anyone your bitch! Nothing personal DAD! You know that as far as I care, all my friends kneel before while my enemies are crushed under my mighty heel. Charisma... Kiddo, I know you are struggling with cash and stuff, but seriously, just for that one online, (your sisters story which id never ask you to go for helps) BUT If you have read this far (BECAUSE THE WORDS OF YOUR DARK OVERLORD ARE LAW) Then just send me a reply saying 666 and I will pay to fix whatever the hell is wrong with your car man, I cant stand the sound, and I know you can pay up, its just that times are down... ...For you. Actual code 999 (not satanist here, I hate all religion) post 666 and ill get someone to slice your tires instead.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Are your prices by the hour

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!