roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down +149

Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

thumb_up thumb_down +106

I'll punch ya!

thumb_up thumb_down +59

-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

thumb_up thumb_down +36

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +54

SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

thumb_up thumb_down +64

I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

thumb_up thumb_down -119

- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

thumb_up thumb_down +382

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

thumb_up thumb_down +105

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

thumb_up thumb_down +121

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

thumb_up thumb_down -98

that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

thumb_up thumb_down -137

Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

thumb_up thumb_down -140

You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!