Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Glass Basketball

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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You smell just like my mom...

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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Did you just fart coz you're blowing me away!

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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You look exactly like my sister.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!