Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

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Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!