Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

thumb_up thumb_down -109

I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

thumb_up thumb_down +45

-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

thumb_up thumb_down +83

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

whats up ho

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

thumb_up thumb_down +197

Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

thumb_up thumb_down +139

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

thumb_up thumb_down -84

-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

thumb_up thumb_down -26

hey you look like a good practice girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

thumb_up thumb_down -38

How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!