Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!