(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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Man enters bar and does a lot of magic tricks, all the prettiest women are extremely impressed: Girls: WOW! We would do anything to see more of that! Guy: Uh... damn I forgot what to do after this... Moral: Screw the game man, its a stupid book, just be your moronic self and someone will like you for the lovely disgusting moron that you are... by the way you lost the game :D

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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Do you live around here often?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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all in all it was a good orgy

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!