M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

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You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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greetings clarisse...

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!