Handsome rich looking man: I would like to take you somewhere nice, maybe watch a movie at the cinema, then we could go to my place and have a romantic dinner.. finally... Girl: YES YES! Man: as I was saying... Finally I can make sweet love with your dog...if its fine by you... Girl: wtf?

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Man at bar: Hey girls... want my banana in your pajamas? ;) ;) ;) Girls: YEAH! Man: "thinks for himself..."... man I never get this reaction from girls.. you are a bunch of skanks and sluts... (leaves the bar) In the end, we are never happy with what we get are we? yeah... this is kinda the moral of this story... (Ps: My banana in your pajamas... I got a girlfriend, but someday Im gonna try that pick up line... hahahaha

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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Nice legs what time do they open

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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-I love you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!