my dick is 2 inches

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!