Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!