Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Lesbihonest

thumb_up thumb_down -119

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

thumb_up thumb_down +87

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

thumb_up thumb_down +94

-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

thumb_up thumb_down +17

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

thumb_up thumb_down -82

HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +57

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

thumb_up thumb_down -69

At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

thumb_up thumb_down -49

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

"Rate your looks out of 10" "awkward... maybe 8 or 9 i guess?" "I said 10, not 100"

thumb_up thumb_down -56

man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

thumb_up thumb_down +176

Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +29

guy: hey baby come join the PEN15 club with mee ;) girl: whats that?? guy: come and i will show you...*goes into the guys restroom with her*....lets go to the restroom and never rest...except you can rest on my PEN15

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down -26

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!