Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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I'll eat your poop

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!