What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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Jdkfk

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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Her: Are you from China? Because I’m China get your number Him: Tibet you are. But I'm not Russian into anything, sorry.

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!