Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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You look exactly like my sister.

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!