Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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rohypnol. rape drug

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

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Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!