That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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Him: I'd go through anything for you. Her: The exit's over there.

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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You look exactly like my sister.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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Keep it classy! Man: Hello mylady may I be as rude as to say you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? Girl: Oh, wow I mean such class! Man: Yes you see, I am only asking... You see, would you mind a bit of some violent rapage? Girl: How dare you! Man: Oh I mean not be rude mylady, just a bit of torture and some few stylish cuts with my fancy knife? Moral: Whatever you do, whatever you want, KEEP IT CLASSY!

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!