Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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ANYWAY... I have been married for around X years right? (My wife is anon because reasons valid reasons!) And I told my wife "Babe, you know what you got married into baby, how about you and I consider having a third one in the bed... No not a guy, thats disgusting, you agree? Awwride! So anyways, she was like "Uh... Ask me again in a year I need to think things trough, and I want you for myself..." Next week we was fucking my new (back then neighbor) which is 28 or whatever (I dont remember my neighbors name BAHAHA (actual laugher)... Peeps, say what you want about me, ill be the one fucking the prom queen tomorrow... And you know, maybe someone else, sex with more than my waifu the prom queen is addictive, I mean sharing (salive, cum juices) is caring right? Okay, I better stop here, Rebecca (SHADDAP AUTOCORRECT ITS HOW HER NAME IS SPELLED... I guess) is upset... No not because I am typing this, but because I am out here freezing my ballz off smoking her ciggs... Man The great stuff about "decent equipment" is that I dont need all that much energy, just the speed to keep the girls screaming!

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!