He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

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Yet another one from real life: At law school: Kid to woman: Why don't I ever get any of you?! *Woman laughs* Me: You could start by not whining so much... Kid: That wont ever work! You know that is bullshit! Its not like I am whining I just whine whenever blahblahblah... Me: Sigh... Girl: He is kinda cute... Me: Wha? Moral: Not a real anti joke, since I had not heard from any of them until today, I just got invited to their wedding...

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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