Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Im gonna rape you..

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!