I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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- Did it hurt? - Yes.

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!