Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!