- Anti-Pickup Line

man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

yo im will smith yo, thats my name and I was juzz wonderin if you ever you know like the beach or bbq because stuff happen yanno and while I do some rap id just belieeve that things are a bit crazy these times so I was thinking maybe ill ask you out right? But then I was like WHAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAA and... Hey gurl where you goin im just getting warmed up. Moral: I met the guy, day one I had a great day, day two I didnt get any sleep and now I hate him, the end.

Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

Yeah you got me there dude, you really got my bragging rights... I am here with some "just" (nothing special) friend of my wife, that is wearing me out as she wont get off my Swagger, but while mentioning it like this makes me just as depraved as her... Gotta say, woman pleading me to get jumping on my cock, while my wife makes us breakfast... ...Im done being the king, im a fucking God. Anyway, "Eriksen" (you know who I mean) is pissed at me because I was supposed to be at work, and he apparently spends time here looking for me when he knows I am getting down and... Man this woman needs the cock... I mean at this rate she will bang me to death... ...But what a way to go. But seriously, would I really be at work, and allow you to come get my/now your car from garage whose walls are so paper thin that the police and securitas would be on your ass if I was not at least nearby? (well securitas are lazy, but as a lawyer, I benefit from suing them... Again) There are like eight alarms there, and you so gangsta you would get jailed. UPDATE: Punches, not slaps, remember the guy who punched that sweet chick when he got drunk, and then you punched me down and I got up and broke your jaw? Yeah that shit stings still, Five punches, at any time (no haymakers hey, I know my haymakers/uppercuts) but you take five punches... The fuck am I talking to, whigs is here already... Moral: I wont just write this shit just to make it all disappear with a delete button, fuck, im a super sayan!

Dont blame me for using moral all the time its just part of my sig...nature XD Moral: Not a pick up line, so its pretty anti.

Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

Jack is riding his new yellow bicycle. His father bought it for his 12th anniversary. Jack is ecstatic to have his first ride down his street. Erick thinks its ugly.

hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!