Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!