How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Get in the van.

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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Sorry to take up space, but this is simply my reply to the vile threats to that person whose line starts with "what did you say little bitch", know that he has no idea what he is talking about, and is possibly a simple mental case. Seriously, who the hell are you? And even so, who the hell do you think you are? Yeah with your terrible lack of discipline there is no way in hell you are or would become a soldier. You know very well that the navy would never waste its resources on helping your selfish and childish acts of revenge (or whatever you seek) Death threats will get you nowhere, and you can fully threaten me, but know that I live in Norway, and you can trace me and send your whole unit (if you had one) but by then you would solely be responsible for acts of war and be properly executed for international treason. Know your place civilian, we fight to protect you, do not shame us with your childish vendetta. Drill Sergeant Axel "Strength" Godøy. Aka "Moral Man" Ps: Threaten anyone again, and I will fill a full report and assure that your IP is banned from this network, you are shaming your people, your country and all that fight to defend world peace, try me out and see, give me that luxury.

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

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Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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