- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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- So what do you do for a living? - I'm a female impersonator.

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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- Hey, baby, what's your sign? - Do not Enter

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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- Is this seat empty? - Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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- Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason - Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!