- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

Do you work at subway? Because i often enjoy eating there and i think the food is good. I do not eat there every day because i do not want to get over weight.

You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

Waiter- For you, sir? Male: I'll have a Strawberry Daquiri, non-alcoholic, please. Waiter- And, for your company? Male: For her, a long-island-iced-tea, with a twist of Rohypnol.

Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book