Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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Drunken man: Hey sexy ;) what is such a pretty thing doing in this shitty place? wanna come home with me? Nun: I am a nun! And this is a church! Drunken man: I know dammit im not THAT drunk... so what do you say? Nun: Uh... okay...

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I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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who wants to play EPAR

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!