The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

thumb_up thumb_down +133

Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +64

"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

thumb_up thumb_down +13

-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

thumb_up thumb_down +108

Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

thumb_up thumb_down +42

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

thumb_up thumb_down +2

He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!