He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

thumb_up thumb_down -24

No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down -47

guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

thumb_up thumb_down +13

" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Yeah... you'll have to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

thumb_up thumb_down -9

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

thumb_up thumb_down +40

-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

thumb_up thumb_down +128

Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

thumb_up thumb_down -57

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

thumb_up thumb_down +121

Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +225

- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!