wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

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Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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Yet another one from real life: At law school: Kid to woman: Why don't I ever get any of you?! *Woman laughs* Me: You could start by not whining so much... Kid: That wont ever work! You know that is bullshit! Its not like I am whining I just whine whenever blahblahblah... Me: Sigh... Girl: He is kinda cute... Me: Wha? Moral: Not a real anti joke, since I had not heard from any of them until today, I just got invited to their wedding...

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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cockface

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!