Hello children! :D

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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You smell just like my mom...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!