Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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Man: "Let's play Titanic. You'll be the Titanic, and I'll be the iceberg making you go down." Woman: "That would be a massive disaster."

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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you look like my mother

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!