Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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"Don't scream"

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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A man comes home from his doctor and tells his wife that he only has 12 hours to live so he asks his wife later that night if they can do it one last time she agrees but after an hour the man wakes his wife and says honey in a few hours I will be dead can we do it again please. So they do it again a few hours later the man wakes his wife again and says dearest since I'm going to die soon can we please? to this the wife says look honey tomorrow I have to get up you don't!

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!