Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Have you met Ted?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!