- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

Male: Get in the van.

why are you you touching me ????

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

I think I shit myself

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book