Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

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Soon

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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cockface

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!