-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Do you want to see something swell?

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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greetings clarisse...

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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Man: HELP! I am dying of disease and have only one day left to live! My only wish... "sob" is to procreate... to have a son or a daughter... Woman: Aww... well maybe I can help you... Man: :D I cant believe it (tears in eyes) Woman: What are you dying of? Man: Aids... Woman proceeds to disappear in a ball of smoke. Moral of the story: Dunno find it yourself ffs I dont even know why people read this crap... funny typing it though.. thumbs ups for that :D

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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who wants to play EPAR

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!