From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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You like peanuts? Cause I like penis.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!