Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

thumb_up thumb_down -106

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +53

B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

thumb_up thumb_down +40

I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Does it smell in here or it just you?

thumb_up thumb_down -126

M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

thumb_up thumb_down -172

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

thumb_up thumb_down +46

M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

thumb_up thumb_down +32

"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Give me some sugar... honey.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

thumb_up thumb_down +98

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

thumb_up thumb_down +30

You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

thumb_up thumb_down +167

"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

thumb_up thumb_down +167

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!