- Anti-Pickup Line

Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

EVERYONE ELSE

Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

I'm your Edward and your my Bella

The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

Get your coat, I've got a knife.

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

Yeah you got me there dude, you really got my bragging rights... I am here with some "just" (nothing special) friend of my wife, that is wearing me out as she wont get off my Swagger, but while mentioning it like this makes me just as depraved as her... Gotta say, woman pleading me to get jumping on my cock, while my wife makes us breakfast... ...Im done being the king, im a fucking God. Anyway, "Eriksen" (you know who I mean) is pissed at me because I was supposed to be at work, and he apparently spends time here looking for me when he knows I am getting down and... Man this woman needs the cock... I mean at this rate she will bang me to death... ...But what a way to go. But seriously, would I really be at work, and allow you to come get my/now your car from garage whose walls are so paper thin that the police and securitas would be on your ass if I was not at least nearby? (well securitas are lazy, but as a lawyer, I benefit from suing them... Again) There are like eight alarms there, and you so gangsta you would get jailed. UPDATE: Punches, not slaps, remember the guy who punched that sweet chick when he got drunk, and then you punched me down and I got up and broke your jaw? Yeah that shit stings still, Five punches, at any time (no haymakers hey, I know my haymakers/uppercuts) but you take five punches... The fuck am I talking to, whigs is here already... Moral: I wont just write this shit just to make it all disappear with a delete button, fuck, im a super sayan!

Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

I've got a black belt in lovin'.

guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!