Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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You look exactly like my sister.

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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I have a gun.

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!