The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

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Man: Hey... wanna join me at my big mansion and have a friendly discussion? Girl: A mansion eh? Well.. sure! At the mansion: Man: MUAHAHAHAHA! I am gonna r@pe you! Girl: NO PLEASE! I am not drun.. uh not ready yet! 5 minutes later: Woman: OUCH! ouchie! That hurts! Stop it! ITS TOO HARD! Man: HAHA AND TAKE THIS GRAPE! AND THIS GRAPE! Oh... never mind this is one has turned a raisin... AND THIS GRAPE!... so uh... anyway wanna move on to the "lovers room" later? Want some more Champagne by the way? AND THIS GRAPE, AND THIS ONE IS REALLY BIG AND HARD! GET READY! Woman: Yeah sure... sigh... just get done with this weirdness already... damn these eccentric millionaires... OUCH! OOF!

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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Woman: lol you are get nervous when I speak to you! Man: Yeah, I get nervous when fucking ugly attention seeking bitches speak to me, nothing personal its just you being a fucking ugly attention seeking bitch which happens to be speaking to me. Moral: Flawless Victory.

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

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I've got a black belt in lovin'.

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!