i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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-Do you like me? -No

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And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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- Did it hurt? - Yes.

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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nice kid... want another?

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!