M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Welcome to DIE!

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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greetings clarisse...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!