Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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all in all it was a good orgy

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Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!