Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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adam burdass

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!