-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!