guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

thumb_up thumb_down +37

The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

thumb_up thumb_down +34

your boobs are bigger than my nose

thumb_up thumb_down +30

-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

thumb_up thumb_down +12

-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down -8

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

thumb_up thumb_down +31

To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

thumb_up thumb_down -39

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

thumb_up thumb_down -91

M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!