Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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Did you fall from heaven? Because, I believe in the afterlife.

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!