Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!