Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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Stop Footing Around

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!