Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!