I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +241

- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

thumb_up thumb_down -2

guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

thumb_up thumb_down +181

Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

thumb_up thumb_down -65

If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

thumb_up thumb_down -102

I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

thumb_up thumb_down +88

"My mom won't be home for hours..."

thumb_up thumb_down +34

fancy going halves on a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down -4

can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

thumb_up thumb_down +147

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

thumb_up thumb_down +112

Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Im gonna rape you..

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

thumb_up thumb_down +180

The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!