Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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You look exactly like my sister.

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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I have a gun.

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Im gonna rape you..

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!