did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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sound of zipper

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!