-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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Sex?

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Want to go out? No

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!