If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Soon

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!