- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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Sex?

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- Hey, what do you do for a living? - Female impersonator

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Want to go out? No

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!