Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

thumb_up thumb_down +97

Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Want to go out? No

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

thumb_up thumb_down +96

I've got candy.

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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sound of zipper

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!