Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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Want to go out? No

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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sound of zipper

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Stop Footing Around

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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I've got candy.

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!