Want to go out? No

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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I've got candy.

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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sound of zipper

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!