Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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sound of zipper

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Want to go out? No

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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I've got candy.

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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Stop Footing Around

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!