He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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sound of zipper

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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Want to go out? No

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!