him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Close you`re eyes and open you`re mouth. *unzips pants*

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: Seriously just give up, this must be the worst "pickupline" ever

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!