Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

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-I love you.

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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Soon

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!