Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

i am with stupid l l l \/

thumb_up thumb_down +214

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

thumb_up thumb_down +84

M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

thumb_up thumb_down +117

Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Hey can I have your number? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

thumb_up thumb_down +21

At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

thumb_up thumb_down +94

Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Welcome to DIE!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

thumb_up thumb_down -62

"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

thumb_up thumb_down +31

—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!