Penis. I got it

thumb_up thumb_down

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

thumb_up thumb_down -152

Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

thumb_up thumb_down -1

-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

thumb_up thumb_down -141

Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +161

Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

thumb_up thumb_down +126

Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

thumb_up thumb_down -12

guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

thumb_up thumb_down -146

Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

thumb_up thumb_down +239

A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

thumb_up thumb_down +123

Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +125

hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +103

-Get in the Van

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

thumb_up thumb_down +138

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!