Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

adam burdass

This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

You smell just like my mom...

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd probably leave it as is, seems to be working OK just fine without my internvention. And imagine the work it'd create in terms of all the re-filing alone. Librarians would have apoplexy, and if I came out I was responsible..well, there'd be hell to pay. No, thank you, but no thank you, the alphabet can stay as it is, no matter how hot your body.

- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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