does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +51

This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Eat me, I'm organic!

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

thumb_up thumb_down +44

As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

thumb_up thumb_down -76

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

thumb_up thumb_down -71

You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

thumb_up thumb_down +126

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!