Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!