adam burdass

Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

At Barlevania: Man: Yo lady... mind if I hang around? Woman: Uh... wait... there is a weird song outside... Man: Yeah but you will you... yeah... its getting louder! *nana nanananana nana* Man: What the hell is that? Woman: No idea, its getting louder! *NANA NANANANANANA KATAMARI DAMACY NANA NANANANANANANA KATAMERUUUUU! DAMACY DAMACY*¨¨ *Both the man and the woman gets rolled up in a spirit ball by the prince, in no time the bar gets rolled up as well* Dun dun dun dun dun dun Du du dun dun STAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAAAAAR LIGHT! King of all cosmos: Eh.. buenos dias! That means good day in Spanish the king thinks... the king likes languages... Eh? What is this insignificant thing you rolled up? Earth? The king does not like it... it feels too earthy! To humanny and stuff... *The king of all cosmos throws the earth away towards outer space* "ROLLED UP EARTH HAS BECOME PLANET EARTH!" Moral: Katamari Damacy taught us all that it does not have to make sense to be funny, but its not a good idea to for anyone to hit on anything while the planet is being rolled up...

Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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