I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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You allergic to semen?

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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Famous male actors guide on pick-up. 1. Enter Disco. 2. Say hello out loud. 3. By this point you`re screwed... literally.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!