He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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Dont people ever get tired of PRETENDING like they dont need others aproval? I NEED APPROVAL I NEED APPROVAL! Moral: I REALLY DO! YEEEEEEEEES BECAUSE...Uh...you matter more than me? Nah, nothing like that, only I matter more than you...

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!