"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

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You're so hot, you should wear a burkha over your face.

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!