you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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You look exactly like my sister.

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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I have a gun.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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-When you see the most beautiful girl ever, you take her next to a cliff, a manhole or whatever and you kick her off the cliff. Man: THIS IS SPARTA! Girl: Wow what a manly man! *dies* Moral: What? This is anti-pickup lines! And its not like you are gonna get the most beautiful girl ever anyways... Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!