Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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greetings clarisse...

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Are your prices by the hour

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!