Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

i am with stupid l l l \/

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

wanna go halves on a b*stard?

Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

Yo imma let you finish yourself off

I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

all in all it was a good orgy

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

How do you get a black man out of a tree? Ask him nicely to come down, and if that doesn't work, he will most likely stay up there.

Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

Penis. I got it

Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!