Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Man: Hi ladies I am back for more if you know what I mean ;) Ladies: Get lost you damn hippie! The seventies are over! Man: Whaaat? I died for your sins you know! Moral: Ever heard of Jesus`s ladyfriends? There, now you see what I mean.

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -236

Yo imma let you finish yourself off

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Are your prices by the hour

thumb_up thumb_down -3

By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

thumb_up thumb_down -139

I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

thumb_up thumb_down -151

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

thumb_up thumb_down +216

Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

thumb_up thumb_down -154

A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

thumb_up thumb_down -73

A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Hi I'm Shaniqua.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

thumb_up thumb_down -67

You look like a dog... Wana bone?

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!