Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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I walked into the pub last night with a date and said to the barman, "I'll have a pint of Guinness." My date immediately looked at me and said, "Aren't you forgetting something?" "Of course, how rude of me." I said, "I'll have a pint of Guinness PLEASE."

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cumming too.

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Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

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Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Gurl, I'll do you like I do my homework. Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!