Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

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Man: Do you like a sensitive guy? Women: Yeah, I used to be one.

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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Yet another one from real life: At law school: Kid to woman: Why don't I ever get any of you?! *Woman laughs* Me: You could start by not whining so much... Kid: That wont ever work! You know that is bullshit! Its not like I am whining I just whine whenever blahblahblah... Me: Sigh... Girl: He is kinda cute... Me: Wha? Moral: Not a real anti joke, since I had not heard from any of them until today, I just got invited to their wedding...

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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cockface

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!