Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Hi, GET IN THE VAN, Drink this, Don't Scream whisper* "does ur body fit in my trunk?"

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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I've got candy.

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!