him: why are you so gorgeous? her: i dont know i guess my parents had some really good sex.

Sorry to take up space, but this is simply my reply to the vile threats to that person whose line starts with "what did you say little bitch", know that he has no idea what he is talking about, and is possibly a simple mental case. Seriously, who the hell are you? And even so, who the hell do you think you are? Yeah with your terrible lack of discipline there is no way in hell you are or would become a soldier. You know very well that the navy would never waste its resources on helping your selfish and childish acts of revenge (or whatever you seek) Death threats will get you nowhere, and you can fully threaten me, but know that I live in Norway, and you can trace me and send your whole unit (if you had one) but by then you would solely be responsible for acts of war and be properly executed for international treason. Know your place civilian, we fight to protect you, do not shame us with your childish vendetta. Drill Sergeant Axel "Strength" Godøy. Aka "Moral Man" Ps: Threaten anyone again, and I will fill a full report and assure that your IP is banned from this network, you are shaming your people, your country and all that fight to defend world peace, try me out and see, give me that luxury.

Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

You look like a dog... Wana bone?

-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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