I'll eat your poop

Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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