Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

thumb_up thumb_down +116

Is it true you black men are as hung as a horse? Uh lady, no idea I like ignore their stuff. Yeah but you know, I seen a lot of them and they are huge and look salty an... Woman! Im so outta here! Moral: Now the man is goin! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Want to go out? No

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down +113

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

thumb_up thumb_down +1

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Im gonna rape you..

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

thumb_up thumb_down +58

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

thumb_up thumb_down +58

You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

thumb_up thumb_down +77

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

thumb_up thumb_down -49

him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

thumb_up thumb_down -145

- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

thumb_up thumb_down -74

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!