me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

thumb_up thumb_down -97

hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

thumb_up thumb_down -206

As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

http://pirater-gratuit.fr hacker un compte fb

thumb_up thumb_down -63

-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

thumb_up thumb_down +143

Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

thumb_up thumb_down -100

hey bitch

thumb_up thumb_down -5

So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

thumb_up thumb_down -217

-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

thumb_up thumb_down -90

Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +183

Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down -229

-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!