This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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Drink this!

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Yet another one from real life: At law school: Kid to woman: Why don't I ever get any of you?! *Woman laughs* Me: You could start by not whining so much... Kid: That wont ever work! You know that is bullshit! Its not like I am whining I just whine whenever blahblahblah... Me: Sigh... Girl: He is kinda cute... Me: Wha? Moral: Not a real anti joke, since I had not heard from any of them until today, I just got invited to their wedding...

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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"Don't scream"

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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Mario: Ey princess, wanna make the sexy time eh? Princess: With a fat Italian plumber? HELL NO! Bowser: MWAHAHAHA I AM SO GONNA RAPE YOU WITH MY SPINY DICK! Princess: HELP HELP MARIO I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST SAVE ME! NO BOWSER PLEASE DO NOT PUT IT IN THERE! ITS TOO TIGH... Shigeru Miyamoto: So this is how I wanted to make the Super Mario series... sexy eh? Girl: DISGUSTING! Shigeru Miyamoto: Well what do you think about the idea with Monkey Dong and the other girl tha...HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

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Hey, are you from Tennessee? Because you look like you are from Tennessee.

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!