if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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Nice legs what time do they open

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Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!