Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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I have a gun.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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adam burdass

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!