- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!