Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Big Black Guy: Yo, whats your name there sexy? My name is Tyrone Bigs Dicks, but my NBA teammates call me Mr.BigDingDong, I play for the HUGE Chicago BIGC0cks if I seem familiar to you ;),... Woman: Wow, awesome ;) and why do they call you that? Big Black Guy:Sigh... I was afraid you would ask... I actually got no idea... But I do not think there are any Big HUGE hard facts... Woman: :/ Big Black Guy: Where you going? Hey! Moral: Lol cannot stop laughing myself! "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE PRESENT TO YOU THE HUGE CHICAGO BIGC0CKS!

thumb_up thumb_down +168

Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +88

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Hello my name is Pogo. Would you like to jump on my stick?

thumb_up thumb_down +38

-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

thumb_up thumb_down +98

Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +9

-Do you like me? -No

thumb_up thumb_down -29

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

thumb_up thumb_down +9

You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

thumb_up thumb_down -41

*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

thumb_up thumb_down -99

Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down +55

-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

thumb_up thumb_down -4

man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

thumb_up thumb_down -23

- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!