you actually look alright with the lights on.

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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I have no gag reflex.

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"Don't scream"

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Get your coat, I've got a knife.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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"You'll do."

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man:hey can you help me look for my dog i lost him in this cheap motel room girl: oh really i didnt know rotten garbage like you actully a had a friend even if it is a pet!

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!