Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

Male: Get in the van.

If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

HI, DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME DOCTOR RABBIT THE HYMEN DESTROYER? Nero the clit collector: Actually this works pretty good, just wear a random rabbit costume, cut a hole where your CAWCK is, and make sure they are girls under twelve or below (because it kinda loses its meaning with little boys but fuck it anyways, yeah fuck it! FUCK IT TO THE LIMIT!) I work at a daycare center: Because I care.

EVERYONE ELSE

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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