Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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-I love you.

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Hey, you want a ride?

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Guy: Can I have your number ? Girl: We are six.

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!