The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +61

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

thumb_up thumb_down +149

Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

thumb_up thumb_down +58

man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

thumb_up thumb_down -73

So when' the baby due?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

thumb_up thumb_down -54

What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

thumb_up thumb_down +35

"You'll do."

thumb_up thumb_down +132

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

thumb_up thumb_down -26

are you on fire?

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

thumb_up thumb_down -136

My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

thumb_up thumb_down -22

In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!