- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

On your mark, get set, suck my dick.

-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

Man: I wanna know what love iiiiiiis... And I want you to show meeeeeeeeee! Woman slams man with baseball bat Man: Urgh... ARGH MY FACE BLEEDING EVERYWHERE! WHYYYY! Woman: I love baseball! Moral: Stupid singing idiot, if that is not the worst pick up line ever, then some other is!

Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book