Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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-I'll do anything,no matter how kinky it is if you can say it in three words. -Clean my house.

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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sound of zipper

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!