Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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Your father must have been a theif, because you look like a pikiey

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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- you come here often? -i used to until you came here

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

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you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!