Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

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It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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-Do you like me? -No

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Gaywatch starts

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!