After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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- I know how to please a woman. - Then please leave me alone.

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At a bar: Man: Hi according to horsehead network I am the third most useless "invention" in the world! Moral: See what I did there? No? Then go see the pointless inventions section :P

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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-You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -You look like a rapist.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!