Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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Man: Hello! I am SUPERMAN! And you are so hot you are my Kryptonite! Woman: then you better get lost before you die! Man: Uh well... yeah uh... walks away (in non super speed strangely) Moral: Think things trough sometimes...

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause the ground around you looks like it's cracked.

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!