On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

thumb_up thumb_down +85

I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

thumb_up thumb_down -39

boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

thumb_up thumb_down +49

you know what rhymes with hug me LET'S HAVE SEX

thumb_up thumb_down +3

At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Were your parents chemists? cuz you look like TEST TUBE BABY :D

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

thumb_up thumb_down -59

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

thumb_up thumb_down +108

G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

thumb_up thumb_down +36

hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

thumb_up thumb_down -125

M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

thumb_up thumb_down -156

Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!