If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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-Get in the Van

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- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!