Roses are red violets are blue i got a gun get in the van!

M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

So, you're a girl, huh?

Is someone following you? Cuz ive been seeing people behind your back.

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

You look exactly like my sister.

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

Yo imma let you finish yourself off

At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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