What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!