MALE: We can do this the easy way or the hard way. FEMALE: Excuse me? MALE: Hard way it is *zip* FEMALE: *gurgle gurgle* *scream*

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

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Glass Basketball

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!