hey, your cute. hey, your not.

thumb_up thumb_down +77

Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

thumb_up thumb_down +101

all in all it was a good orgy

thumb_up thumb_down +187

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

thumb_up thumb_down +214

You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

thumb_up thumb_down +183

guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

thumb_up thumb_down -31

-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

thumb_up thumb_down +71

Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

thumb_up thumb_down +89

I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

thumb_up thumb_down -158

Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

thumb_up thumb_down -182

you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!