HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

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If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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At a drinking place :P: Man: You dare mock the great Sh... Woman: I am sorry I did not mean to humiliate that much... ehehehehe you are just a stupid jlttle nerd and all... :) Man: You will die moral... Woman: What?! Uh... did I mention how awesome you are? What was your name again? Man: You weak pathetic fool! 8 hours later: Woman: Please! Let me stay! Just for a little longer! Barman: Sigh... fine have a drink on the house. Woman: *sips drink and dies* Barman: Mission complete sir, she died instantly! Man: Instantly without pain? THAT WAS PATHETIC! Now... SUICIDE! Barman: No I refuse! Man: Drink it... or face the true WRATH OF SHAO KAHN! Barman: The true wrath? ANYTHING BUT THAT!*Punches himself in the balls hoping he dies from the pain, passes out and tries again* Man Is That your best? That was pathetic! Its official, you suck! Bhahahahahahaha! Moral: Fear the Wrath of Shao Kahn!

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Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

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Me during the noob days at a bar: Me: So this is fun, want to go to my place and watch The Matrix trilogy all night or something? She: Naaah, I already watched them, but I am sure we can watch something else all night right? Me: Nah, you see I just moved in, and I don't have any other movies, so yeah nice meeting you though! *facepalm*

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

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Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!