If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

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I'm a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me.-Rodney Dangerfield

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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adam burdass

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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Lesbihonest

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!