Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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hey bitch

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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Drink this!

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!