I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -179

Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

thumb_up thumb_down -96

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

thumb_up thumb_down +75

Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

ANYWAY... I have been married for around X years right? (My wife is anon because reasons valid reasons!) And I told my wife "Babe, you know what you got married into baby, how about you and I consider having a third one in the bed... No not a guy, thats disgusting, you agree? Awwride! So anyways, she was like "Uh... Ask me again in a year I need to think things trough, and I want you for myself..." Next week we was fucking my new (back then neighbor) which is 28 or whatever (I dont remember my neighbors name BAHAHA (actual laugher)... Peeps, say what you want about me, ill be the one fucking the prom queen tomorrow... And you know, maybe someone else, sex with more than my waifu the prom queen is addictive, I mean sharing (salive, cum juices) is caring right? Okay, I better stop here, Rebecca (SHADDAP AUTOCORRECT ITS HOW HER NAME IS SPELLED... I guess) is upset... No not because I am typing this, but because I am out here freezing my ballz off smoking her ciggs... Man The great stuff about "decent equipment" is that I dont need all that much energy, just the speed to keep the girls screaming!

thumb_up thumb_down -82

your almost as hot as my wife

thumb_up thumb_down -42

While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

thumb_up thumb_down +130

him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

thumb_up thumb_down -144

why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

thumb_up thumb_down +63

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

thumb_up thumb_down +4

- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down +137

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

thumb_up thumb_down +113

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

thumb_up thumb_down -148

If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!