Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

your almost as hot as my wife

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

I have no gag reflex.

Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

I'm your Edward and your my Bella

I've got candy.

-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

Anti-Pickup Line

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