Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

thumb_up thumb_down -103

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

thumb_up thumb_down +128

Do you want to see something swell?

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

thumb_up thumb_down +133

Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

I heard this one in real life in Spain, pretty good one: Man: Please marry me! I am nothing without you! Woman: If you are worth nothing then why should I want you? Man: Uh... Moral: Its a great honor having a dedicated group of followers making sure my comments always have red thumbs, thanks to this my sociology studies are complete. My thanks to every azzhole out there.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

thumb_up thumb_down +245

Girl: Hey you cutypie! want to ride my newest pimpmobile and get drunk and have unprotected sex? Man: Gee that was mighty brave of you, teehee.. Maybe though, but cant we just get to know each other a bit first? ;) I mean I am a partygirl bu.. Girl: ...Uh, something feels wrong here. Man: Cut! I think we picked up each other scripts... Moral: About mother fucking time someone noticed something! This is anti-pickupline enough for me...

thumb_up thumb_down -89

hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

thumb_up thumb_down +88

The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

thumb_up thumb_down +81

B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +56

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

thumb_up thumb_down -98

Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!