I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

Man: DAMN BABE YOUR SO DAMN HOT I... Woman: You know what? Im so sick of you guys hitt... Man: OOOOOOOOOOOOH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YEEEEEEEEEES THIS IS DELISHUSH! Woman: WHAT HAPPENED? :O Man: Huh? Never mind, ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

The word of today is "leg's",no whom are i kidding, bird is the word!

Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

Male: Hey babe! Wanna come to my house for a party? Female: Sorry! Don't have my herpes shot!

Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!