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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

Sugar-free sugar cookies

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

Are you from tennessee? Cause you've got fine written all over you.

Jdkfk

What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!