- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

Hey wanna smash pissers?

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

Does it smell in here or it just you?

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

Give me some sugar... honey.

Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book