He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Hey girl, I heard you are a lesbian! So which part of lesbia are you from? Moral: Geography is overrated, he got laid.

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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Superman: I bet I can bang you faster than the speed of light! Woman: OOOOH! OK DO IT! Superman... uh... I already did it 30 times already... "pant" "pant" Woman: uh... really? Uh... was I suppose to feel anythi... Moral: Since when has fast sex been good sex?

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Baby, I'm no Flintstone, but I can sure make your bed rock...

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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Man: Hey babe ;) I may not be the smartest guy around, but look at these muscles! (flexes like crazy). Girl: Sorry, I am blind... Man: Oh... do you hear my sexy raspy voice though? Girl: Sorry I am also deaf... Man: Oh... (leaves) 2 Weeks later: Man: HEY THAT WOMAN TRICKED ME! SHE SAID SHE WAS DEAF BUT WAS CAPABLE OF SPEAKING! DEAF PEOPLE DO NOT SPEAK!.... I think...

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Boy: Hey girl, do you wanna play hard to get? Girl: No. Boy: That's the spirit!

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!