boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. female: Are you from Delaware? Because I'm del aware that you have a girlfriend.

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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The return of everyone`s pimps pimp! Pimp: Amma so cool I can piss on this electric fence no problemo! Pzzzzzzzzz.. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA... Moral: Its better to end a sucky character early, am I right or am I right? Thumb me down if I am right...;) Ps: His name was Tyrese Whiner XD you can read his fantastic anti-joke some pages down or whatever...

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!