-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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