Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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"Hmm...you'll do."

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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- I want to give myself to you. - Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

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Am I having a erection or am I just glad to see you? Moral: My d1ck in my hand is HARDly a better option than my d1ck in a bush.

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Dont blame me for using moral all the time its just part of my sig...nature XD Moral: Not a pick up line, so its pretty anti.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!