Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

You look like a dog... Wana bone?

thumb_up thumb_down -83

Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Why are peploe gieving me thums up al of soodden? Moral: Its scawwy, normally the moral is what protects my genius comments from getting thumbed up.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down -36

-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Yo girl... My feelings keep growing, I just have to say it, but it might be too soon, it might even risk our friendship. Awww, just say it. Ok girl, I hate you more for every day, you fucking ugly bitch, if it where not for your money, id leave right away. Moral: Its not about what you want, its about what you need, therefore I decided I only need whatever I want, case closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

This doesn't have to be a rape.

thumb_up thumb_down +148

Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +145

- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

thumb_up thumb_down +85

Girl: I AM SICK of being with you! All you do is invite me to watch sports, and all you have ever treated me to is a six pack of beer and snacks! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SOMEWHERE NICE! Man: Hey hold one man! Get a grip! What do you mean? Girl: We have been dating for over 3 weeks and you have not made a single move on me! Man: Uh... this is awkward buddy, you see I am straight and... Girl: I AM A WOMAN! Man: WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? Really?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I mean you have short hair and the biggest mantits I have seen but... Girl: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Man; But hey, if you have a pussy that is the important par... Hey where did he... I mean she or... whatever go?

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -141

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

thumb_up thumb_down -64

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!