Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Ugly begins with U. But awesome ends with ME.

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!