Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

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Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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