-So...wanna come back to my place? -I Dont Know If two people can fit in a box on the street.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +150

why are you you touching me ????

thumb_up thumb_down +21

i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

thumb_up thumb_down -38

he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down

4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

thumb_up thumb_down +100

-hey, come here a minute.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +106

(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

thumb_up thumb_down +436

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

thumb_up thumb_down -233

-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

thumb_up thumb_down +50

-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

thumb_up thumb_down +101

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

thumb_up thumb_down +108

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!