"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

thumb_up thumb_down +142

You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

thumb_up thumb_down -74

- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

thumb_up thumb_down -66

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

thumb_up thumb_down -3

there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

thumb_up thumb_down -55

whats up ho

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -42

- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +252

Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

thumb_up thumb_down -139

whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

thumb_up thumb_down +208

Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

thumb_up thumb_down +40

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

thumb_up thumb_down +102

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down

-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

thumb_up thumb_down +115

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

thumb_up thumb_down +12

This is what Nero calls for his "destroyer" not sure if I should consider that flattering, he thinks so anyways, he just wants to say, that why the fuck are people suddenly scared of looooooooooooooooooooooong messages on the interbewbs. "No leave it be, interbewsbs sounds prefect" Nero The Hero "FINAL FRESH" What Nero And Vagina shouts? :)) Something is off here but he has passed out again :)) "God woman, you suck at pop cultural quotes" Nero, the fucklord (omg, he is crazy, gotta love this guy) "thanks" Nero the grateful. "I Ask you if you know who I am by saying "ITS ME MARIO and you still do not know what name is? THe red plumber Nintendo HIS NAME IS MARIO!?" Nero The (fucking annoyed at me) :)) Sorry guys just having fun. "THOU SHALL NEVER APOLOGIzE FOR THE WORD OF NERO" -Nero insists, I mean the LORD OF DARKNESS INSISTS "Can we fucking stop making quotes of me now? All the girls are laughing at me, WHY AM I SO DEFEATED!" Last quote added without his consent

thumb_up thumb_down -17

You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

thumb_up thumb_down -148

It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!