Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!