your boobs are bigger than my nose

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Penis. I got it

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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Lol, again I am on a adrenaline... well let me be subtle... GANGBANGING WITH ANAL, PUSSY, TWO GIRLS FIGHTING OVER ONE COCK (Ladies there is enough down there to share)... ...Anyway, it reminds me of when I was 21, and I was like "You know what? Threesomes and that kinda stuff is nice and all, but I am a grown up now and... ...TSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs Today I am 32, Married, (Hey my wife is into stuff, so its not cheating if she is the one enjoying while I videotape sometimes okay? (Never on cam, you crazy? You cant sell that shit! Okay I am kidding, the collection is personal) Ps: Seriously girls, one thing is that you smear yourself with my cumshots okay? But Hugging me afterwards? DATS SICK! (Name is Nero, I am not black, I am Hispanic, Latino Sexy... Well, actually when I take a look in the mirror I go, "meh well some guys got the looks"... ...I wont lie though, either my looks dont matter shite, or girls really like it...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!