Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

-Hey babe, wanna go to my place and bang all night long? -No you freak. -Well, I gave you a choice.

Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

haha

-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

Drink this!

Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: Breaking through the earth's crust ascending from hell.

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!