My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

thumb_up thumb_down -76

Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

thumb_up thumb_down +182

Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

thumb_up thumb_down +199

if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

thumb_up thumb_down +131

-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

thumb_up thumb_down +201

- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down +162

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

thumb_up thumb_down +255

"Don't scream"

thumb_up thumb_down +123

Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

thumb_up thumb_down -116

- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

thumb_up thumb_down +151

-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

thumb_up thumb_down +450

I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

thumb_up thumb_down +136

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

thumb_up thumb_down -10

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

thumb_up thumb_down +38

It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!