-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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#1 You're breath smells like Skittles, can I taste the rainbow? No, because , while mine may smell like Skittles, yours reeks. #2 Girl: Hey, I got this new Kiss Proof lip gloss, wanna try it out? (there are 2 answers to this) 1.Boy: Well, yours may be Kiss Proof, but mines not, and I don't have time to re-apply this after 2. Yeah, I do want to try it out, but not with you.

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!