Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

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-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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My penis becomes hard and hard when I see your mom, but weak when I see you.

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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EVERYONE ELSE

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!