-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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whats it like being the only beautiful girl in the world? Whats it like having the smallest dick in the world?

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!