-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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your almost as hot as my wife

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Batman enters a bar: Batman: Ladies... I am Batman... *everyone runs out screaming* Batman: *facepalm* Moral: Want to be feared? Well what did you expect? Who I am? Are you dense? Retarded or something? I am the goddamn Moral-Man!

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

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Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!