How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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Boy: If i can rearrange the keyboard, i'll put U and I next to each other Girl: It's already together dumbass

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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adam burdass

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!