Man at bar: Hey girls... want my banana in your pajamas? ;) ;) ;) Girls: YEAH! Man: "thinks for himself..."... man I never get this reaction from girls.. you are a bunch of skanks and sluts... (leaves the bar) In the end, we are never happy with what we get are we? yeah... this is kinda the moral of this story... (Ps: My banana in your pajamas... I got a girlfriend, but someday Im gonna try that pick up line... hahahaha

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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Nice legs what time do they open

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Are you from hogwarts, because I really want to put my basilisk into your chamber of secrets

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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Glass Basketball

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!