-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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sound of zipper

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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Boy: Do u have a pen? Girl: Yeah, here Boy: Umm..its out of ink Girl: What? Boy: It doesn't work Girl: R u sure? Boy: Don't believe me? Fine, u try it... Go on, write your cell phone number right here....

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Man: Hey I am the hunk that writes the stories with morals, and I thumb them up myself... since they mostly get thumbed down slower that way... Ladies: REALLY! WOW WE NEVER THOUGHT WE WOULD MEET A CELEBRITY! LETS HAVE AN ORGY! Man: HEY! LADIES WAIT WAIT! ONLY 8 AT THE TIME! HELP I AM GETTING GRAPED!... Anyway who am I kidding please proceed but stop fighting over the joystick I have enough joy to all thanks to my writing progress!¨ Moral: His-tory AKa My-Story, and you know that they say that the winners are the one to write history ;), and if you do not know what I mean, you are probable banging me too right now... (true story)

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Guy: Hey is your dad a jeweler? Girl: No, He died a year ago due to a heart condition.

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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Moral: Hey, how you doing? ;) Woman: Moral? Are you that guy that signs all his posts on horsecrapz network and adds miscellaneous notes? Moral: Yep that's me ;) Woman: OMG LIKE EWWW! Id never do you! Moral: Uh, when did even make such a suggestion? Moral:Well I am married...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!