Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right." I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

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Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

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Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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Stop Footing Around

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!