HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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You allergic to semen?

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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I hate you already.

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!