And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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imgonna r@pe you

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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I just told Rebecca that the average man gets laid with about seven women during his life... ...She stares me in the eyes and goes "Noo! Really?" I mean should I feel cool? Is it because she has seen me with more women than... I dunno many, or because... Pssst: Harris... I mean you know I uh... Cherry pie this one right? Does this mean she goes around a lot doing a lot of other guys DAD!? (He calls me SON for like every third word, so yeah DAD... She is giving me a cold st... And she failed to take the laptop away from me, its kinda neat you know, typing while two girls cant share a... Well medium plus size dick... I mean... Wow they are making out... Imma gone forever. My fuckcount: Hell I know, when they say a guy bangs seven chicks during their lifetime, do they mean like a week? At once? Jk, I just pity the guys, for each extra gal for me, means one less for you right? Think positive folks, someone has to please them properly... Rebecca is like all "please sir?" "Thank you kind sir" (I hate being called kind) But in bed, she is all like FUCK ME HARDER YOU FUCKING MORON! Did I mention she has a sweet ass, and that my laptop is burning on her now... Multitasking: The key to threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes... I mean I wont say how many women I have done (rather been done by honestly) at once, why? Because you would never believe me. TWELVE... Eleven one wussed out actually because she just said it so she would look "cool among her friends... Poor little bitch..." Anyway, still twelve.

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Want to go out? No

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

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Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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your almost as hot as my wife

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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