It's not rape if you say "Surprise!"

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!