Guy: Roses are red Violets are blue Girl:Violets aren't blue there violet... dumbass read a book

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

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HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!