If you were my daughter id still be bathing you

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Are your prices by the hour

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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I think I shit myself

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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I have no gag reflex.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!