Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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are you on fire?

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

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So you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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M: What's your name? W: Jenny. M: What's your number? W: eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-ni-yie-yen

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!