If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +65

does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -35

- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

thumb_up thumb_down -2

what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

thumb_up thumb_down +147

-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

thumb_up thumb_down -27

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

thumb_up thumb_down +60

- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

thumb_up thumb_down +96

You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

thumb_up thumb_down +78

- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

thumb_up thumb_down +126

Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

thumb_up thumb_down +240

Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

thumb_up thumb_down +92

- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

thumb_up thumb_down -55

A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!