- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

This doesn't have to be a rape.

Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

At a concert guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book