Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

thumb_up thumb_down +96

Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

thumb_up thumb_down -96

-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

thumb_up thumb_down +112

if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

thumb_up thumb_down +138

"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

thumb_up thumb_down +90

male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

thumb_up thumb_down +122

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down -11

To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

thumb_up thumb_down -38

The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

thumb_up thumb_down +335

You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +158

You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

thumb_up thumb_down -72

Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

thumb_up thumb_down -207

M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

thumb_up thumb_down +73

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

thumb_up thumb_down +82

-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

thumb_up thumb_down +188

-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

thumb_up thumb_down -131

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!