boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

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Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

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Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

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Hi I am THE MORAL MAN! Moral: I am not famous enough yet it seems... except around my block where woman screams have been so loud people have called the cops... RAWRS... yeah I am bragging, but at least its the truth... (I cant wait for the day I am so famous that I walk into a bar and tell women that I am Moral man and run before they beat me to death)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!