hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Guy: I got you a gift! Girl: Thanks.. make sure it's not you....

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

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Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

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Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!