Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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Are you from Ireland cause my penis is dublin'

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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-Get in the Van

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Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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Wanna have sex?

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!