Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

thumb_up thumb_down -150

You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -122

-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

thumb_up thumb_down +288

How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

hey, your cute. hey, your not.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

your so beautiful im blinded! aww really?! no. i was kidding. im just blind.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

thumb_up thumb_down +124

- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

thumb_up thumb_down +217

Hello, it's nice to meet you.

thumb_up thumb_down +221

I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

thumb_up thumb_down +46

the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down -29

there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

thumb_up thumb_down +59

He: did it hurt? She: when i fell from heaven? He: no. when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. go put some clothes on.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -9

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +33

- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

thumb_up thumb_down +162

Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

thumb_up thumb_down +138

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!