Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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Do you live around here often?

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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Man: So you will come home with me later? Girl: Sure! Man: Great then ill just go find more women I can bang later in the meantime... Moral: Depending of the kind of woman, this is of no consequence...

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

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you look like my mother

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

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I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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when ilfe gives you lemons i squirt the jiuce in my eyes so i dont have to stare at you anymore :)

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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- Did it hurt? - Yes.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!