Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +152

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +37

-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

thumb_up thumb_down +80

man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

thumb_up thumb_down -103

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

thumb_up thumb_down -42

I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

thumb_up thumb_down -115

You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +62

-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

thumb_up thumb_down +113

Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

thumb_up thumb_down -86

roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down +161

man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

thumb_up thumb_down +292

Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!