Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

thumb_up thumb_down +34

-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

thumb_up thumb_down -35

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

thumb_up thumb_down +103

-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

thumb_up thumb_down -19

BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

thumb_up thumb_down +71

There must be an angel missing from Heaven, because I've got it tied up in my basement. (It keeps saying something about a fancy dress party, but I'm not falling for that one again; that's how Batman escaped.)

thumb_up thumb_down +105

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +154

Keep it classy! Man: Hello mylady may I be as rude as to say you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen? Girl: Oh, wow I mean such class! Man: Yes you see, I am only asking... You see, would you mind a bit of some violent rapage? Girl: How dare you! Man: Oh I mean not be rude mylady, just a bit of torture and some few stylish cuts with my fancy knife? Moral: Whatever you do, whatever you want, KEEP IT CLASSY!

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Does anyone have a toothpick? I need to pick the crabs out of the cracks of my teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

thumb_up thumb_down +136

Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

thumb_up thumb_down -60

My therapist says I should meet new people.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

thumb_up thumb_down +91

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!