- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

thumb_up thumb_down -40

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

thumb_up thumb_down -109

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

thumb_up thumb_down -152

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

thumb_up thumb_down +100

- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

thumb_up thumb_down +125

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Billy Hill: Man...THAT WAS GOOD SEX! I am glad I did not just bring one of those bitches that I usually drag home, your great Currie... great pussy! Ok Currie time to go home! Currie: meow... Moral: And you think that by bitches he meant bad women ahahahahha... BIlly Hill! Ring a bell nao?

thumb_up thumb_down +71

A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

thumb_up thumb_down +128

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -30

"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +51

As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

thumb_up thumb_down -72

guy:do you know how much a polar bear weighs? girl: ..no, how much?? guy:i dunno but probly not as much as you

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

thumb_up thumb_down +118

The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down +130

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!