How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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-Isnt this the bus to Vermont? -No, its an pineapple without a flute. -Are you a bus driver? -No, im an umbrella!

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!