Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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adam burdass

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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Male: Get in the van.

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Man: I am willing to give my life for you. Woman: How about you fucking get one instead and rather seek me out then? Moral: M-M-M-Morale breaker!

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Lesbihonest

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!