guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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"My mom won't be home for hours..."

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Stop Footing Around

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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You're hot, I'm ugly. Lets make average babies.

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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i am with stupid l l l \/

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!