Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

thumb_up thumb_down +49

hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

thumb_up thumb_down -66

on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

thumb_up thumb_down +36

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

thumb_up thumb_down +173

Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

thumb_up thumb_down +75

-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

thumb_up thumb_down +115

If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

thumb_up thumb_down -39

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

thumb_up thumb_down +154

Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

thumb_up thumb_down +106

So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Guy: Hey would you like to dance? Girl: No! Guy: Oh come on! Don't be picky. I wasn't!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

thumb_up thumb_down -154

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +125

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!