I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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whats up ho

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-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!