guy: can i rape you? girl: No Guy: great that means any sex we have from now on is consensual, thanks

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

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Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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This tux is rented by the hour, are you?

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Fear not moral man is back, in a moment of weakness I let myself go... let us put it this way... some like me, some hate me, that is what happens when people such as I speak their opinion. And if someday the entire world wants to destroy Moral Man... Moral Man will unleash doomsday! Moral: I am back, like me, hate me, you can still ignore me... but until I get some sleep and can start working out again (icy weather is not for bicycling is it?) Then Moral Man stands... Ps: Hey, thanks there below, my most thumbed up comments had minus 5 and such, so I got kinda down since I thought the internet too needed someone that speaks his mind. More Morals: But then I remembered I do this to entertain myself, and that you downvoters can all go screw yourselves! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAN! MORAL MAAAAAAAAN! Action figures in store now!

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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sound of zipper

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!