B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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"Hey girl, is there a mirror in your pants?" "No, that's just my penis."

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

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Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!