You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back becausemfalling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

thumb_up thumb_down +21

If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

thumb_up thumb_down -98

-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

thumb_up thumb_down +97

How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +61

"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

thumb_up thumb_down +164

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

thumb_up thumb_down -30

-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

-What's your favorite color? -bl... -mine too! Let's f***

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Lol man, you know this man would never sue your ass, but... Man it takes a message here to see that you are like a super whigger. Anyway DAD! Thanks for the kind words, and seriously, you dont kiss ass on regular basis just one thing, you can reply wherever, text is cool You got the hots for your sister dude? I mean the deal was 50 uh words? Letters? Anyway its good, but DAD!... You know I never asked you to write anything about your sisters ass, its kinda weird DAD! Anyway, what do I judge, I banged my 7 years old sister back at the days where I still called her mom... Well she trained me, then I returned with the force, and now her husband kinda knows my deal and... I STILL BANG HER! <<<<< Anyway, man, keep the cash, I just wanted to show the world... Moral: Ladies and gentlemen, and this is how you make someone and anyone your bitch! Nothing personal DAD! You know that as far as I care, all my friends kneel before while my enemies are crushed under my mighty heel. Charisma... Kiddo, I know you are struggling with cash and stuff, but seriously, just for that one online, (your sisters story which id never ask you to go for helps) BUT If you have read this far (BECAUSE THE WORDS OF YOUR DARK OVERLORD ARE LAW) Then just send me a reply saying 666 and I will pay to fix whatever the hell is wrong with your car man, I cant stand the sound, and I know you can pay up, its just that times are down... ...For you. Actual code 999 (not satanist here, I hate all religion) post 666 and ill get someone to slice your tires instead.

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down +39

My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!