here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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- You look really nice - I know

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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