I want you to come over, so we can go in my room, turn off the lights, go under the covers, and ill show you my glow in the dark watch..just kidding my penis.

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

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Hey, nice shoes. Where did you buy them ? My girlfriend wants shoes like that.

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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hey you look like a good practice girl.

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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- What's a shabby girl like you doing in a lovely place like this?

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why was the girl stupid beacuse she had brain sergy

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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Why can't Sally brush her hair? Because she has leukemia.

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!