-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

thumb_up thumb_down +122

There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

thumb_up thumb_down -43

*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

thumb_up thumb_down -86

HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

thumb_up thumb_down -78

-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Get your coat, I've got a knife.

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

thumb_up thumb_down -53

So when' the baby due?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

thumb_up thumb_down -115

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

thumb_up thumb_down +130

-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

thumb_up thumb_down +26

he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

rohypnol. rape drug

thumb_up thumb_down -69

- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!