- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

Sugar-free sugar cookies

male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

Try to put your arm around her. If she pushes you away, then say: "Relax! Relax. I'll pay for the first abortion!"

A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

What's the difference between a Jew and a boyscout? The boyscout returned from camp.

I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book