Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

thumb_up thumb_down -110

Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

thumb_up thumb_down +155

- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

thumb_up thumb_down +44

-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

thumb_up thumb_down +118

that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Im gonna rape you..

thumb_up thumb_down +12

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -39

If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

thumb_up thumb_down -119

Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

thumb_up thumb_down

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

thumb_up thumb_down +58

(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

thumb_up thumb_down -58

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -17

-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

thumb_up thumb_down +84

Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

thumb_up thumb_down -134

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down +107

You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!