Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

thumb_up thumb_down -27

- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

thumb_up thumb_down +210

-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

thumb_up thumb_down -134

Jdkfk

thumb_up thumb_down +149

I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

thumb_up thumb_down -114

Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

thumb_up thumb_down

I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +307

So I saw you walk into the bar from the scope of my rifle and I was wondering if you'd enjoy some unconsentual sex in the back of my van?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

thumb_up thumb_down +112

Sugar-free sugar cookies

thumb_up thumb_down +30

-Get in the Van

thumb_up thumb_down +11

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Roses are red, Violets are Blue, Dont talk to me, and I wont talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down -76

- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

thumb_up thumb_down +157

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

thumb_up thumb_down -82

Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

thumb_up thumb_down -35

If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +64

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Your body would look good in my trunk.

thumb_up thumb_down +175

Pick up lines from the stone age: Fail. Man: Hello, you look beautiful, I speak very well, and if you allow me to make love with you, I promise I will protect you and raise the child with you :)! Woman: WHAT? A guy without wild chesthair that speaks instead of grunting and yelling? You to sex me and you do not even got a club? I am SOOO gonna go to Grogg instead! He has like the biggest club and knows how to really HIT a woman! Moral: I would say somethings do change, but Id rather be Grogg than the loser above, of course I prefer hitting ON women first, if that does not work I... Oh right, I am married :P

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Guy : Hey, there's a party in my pants. Wanna join? ;] Girl : Can't, I'm allergic to crabs.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!