Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Are you from Tennessee? Because you're a fucking hillbilly.

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Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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"Don't scream"

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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