Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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Hey wanna smash pissers?

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Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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I also got a phd. Awesome in what? Uh wait, is phd and std the same? Wait I mean... Moral: Just leave you dont want to find out the wrong way.

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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Yeah you got me there dude, you really got my bragging rights... I am here with some "just" (nothing special) friend of my wife, that is wearing me out as she wont get off my Swagger, but while mentioning it like this makes me just as depraved as her... Gotta say, woman pleading me to get jumping on my cock, while my wife makes us breakfast... ...Im done being the king, im a fucking God. Anyway, "Eriksen" (you know who I mean) is pissed at me because I was supposed to be at work, and he apparently spends time here looking for me when he knows I am getting down and... Man this woman needs the cock... I mean at this rate she will bang me to death... ...But what a way to go. But seriously, would I really be at work, and allow you to come get my/now your car from garage whose walls are so paper thin that the police and securitas would be on your ass if I was not at least nearby? (well securitas are lazy, but as a lawyer, I benefit from suing them... Again) There are like eight alarms there, and you so gangsta you would get jailed. UPDATE: Punches, not slaps, remember the guy who punched that sweet chick when he got drunk, and then you punched me down and I got up and broke your jaw? Yeah that shit stings still, Five punches, at any time (no haymakers hey, I know my haymakers/uppercuts) but you take five punches... The fuck am I talking to, whigs is here already... Moral: I wont just write this shit just to make it all disappear with a delete button, fuck, im a super sayan!

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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