He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm using my hand but thinking of you ;)

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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Eat me, I'm organic!

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!