Welcome to DIE!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down +39

if i see you naked i'll die happy Well if i see you naked i'l die instandly

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Wanna have sex?

thumb_up thumb_down +24

-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +410

-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +370

A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

thumb_up thumb_down -67

I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +92

At a moral man bar... "the most awesome place on earth": Man: I thumb down my comments now, and somehow they end up thumbed the next day... Woman: Uh... what comments? Moral: Be specific... or at least dont brag to pick up chicks... now if you wanna be yourself and could not give shit about the rest, then go ahead! It will actually improve your chances!

thumb_up thumb_down +141

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

thumb_up thumb_down +576

So when' the baby due?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

thumb_up thumb_down

I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

thumb_up thumb_down +136

Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!