How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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greetings clarisse...

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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HI, DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME DOCTOR RABBIT THE HYMEN DESTROYER? Nero the clit collector: Actually this works pretty good, just wear a random rabbit costume, cut a hole where your CAWCK is, and make sure they are girls under twelve or below (because it kinda loses its meaning with little boys but fuck it anyways, yeah fuck it! FUCK IT TO THE LIMIT!) I work at a daycare center: Because I care.

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

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- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

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"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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