What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

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I just killed my wife. What should I do?

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Lol man, you know this man would never sue your ass, but... Man it takes a message here to see that you are like a super whigger. Anyway DAD! Thanks for the kind words, and seriously, you dont kiss ass on regular basis just one thing, you can reply wherever, text is cool You got the hots for your sister dude? I mean the deal was 50 uh words? Letters? Anyway its good, but DAD!... You know I never asked you to write anything about your sisters ass, its kinda weird DAD! Anyway, what do I judge, I banged my 7 years old sister back at the days where I still called her mom... Well she trained me, then I returned with the force, and now her husband kinda knows my deal and... I STILL BANG HER! <<<<< Anyway, man, keep the cash, I just wanted to show the world... Moral: Ladies and gentlemen, and this is how you make someone and anyone your bitch! Nothing personal DAD! You know that as far as I care, all my friends kneel before while my enemies are crushed under my mighty heel. Charisma... Kiddo, I know you are struggling with cash and stuff, but seriously, just for that one online, (your sisters story which id never ask you to go for helps) BUT If you have read this far (BECAUSE THE WORDS OF YOUR DARK OVERLORD ARE LAW) Then just send me a reply saying 666 and I will pay to fix whatever the hell is wrong with your car man, I cant stand the sound, and I know you can pay up, its just that times are down... ...For you. Actual code 999 (not satanist here, I hate all religion) post 666 and ill get someone to slice your tires instead.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Man: Oh.. girl you smell so nice... Girl: TRY ANOTHER LINE AND STOP LOOKING AT MY TlTS LOSER! Man: Uh... I am blind... Girl: Um...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!