- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

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How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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-Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I'd be in prison.

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!