I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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Young Man: Mom.. oh mom I want you so bad! Mom: I want you so bad too son! (starts ripping of clothes) Young Man: Uh... I want you to make me a sandwich... what is going on? Mom: Uh... never mind... Next day: Mom: Hey I bought you some cartoons... Young Man: Huh? I am too old for carto... HEY! :D what is this? What is this Hentai stuff? OOH! Moral: Hentai, the reason asians are smart and families stick together in Japan... sometimes they literally stick together...

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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At some random bar: Man: I am Duke Nukem! Woman: DISGUSTING! Man: Huh? Moral: Sometimes you have to play the new games to understand the old...

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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At the library: So girl, how about we find a nice quiet place? Moral: Location, location...

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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He: Did you fall from Heaven? She: Well... He: 'Cos I got an erection. She: -__-

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!