greetings clarisse...

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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Farewell to thy, you have been most amusing. Moral: Has left the building.

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!