What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

thumb_up thumb_down +65

-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

thumb_up thumb_down +119

Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back becausemfalling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +349

i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

thumb_up thumb_down +296

Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +114

I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

thumb_up thumb_down +85

You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Drink this!

thumb_up thumb_down +100

The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

thumb_up thumb_down +343

Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

thumb_up thumb_down +99

Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

thumb_up thumb_down -104

Glass Basketball

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Baby! you're on fire! Yeah, well I am an arsonist.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!