I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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Damn you look good in beer goggles.

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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You smell just like my mom...

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

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Man: I can control all women in the world! Guys: WOOOOT YEAH! Me: I can control all men! Guys: Huh?? Man: What the fuck is that good for you like guys or something? Wait hey let go of me! Moral: And off the endless cliff you all go MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ladies, it seems it is up to us to repopulate this world, not sure if we can make it, but I shall do my best, but since I am just one, you better do all the moving, so I can conserve my energy.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!