Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

thumb_up thumb_down -116

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

thumb_up thumb_down +337

Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

thumb_up thumb_down +92

are you on fire?

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

thumb_up thumb_down -76

I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -178

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

thumb_up thumb_down +85

- Hey good looking, where've I seen you before? - I'm one of the nurses at the plastic surgery department. Want another visit?

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? nwaaahhh *blushing or something* Because it looks like you landed on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

thumb_up thumb_down -2

- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +76

"I'd like to get you out of those clothes. Really, they aren't very flattering. That color looks awful on you and those pants make you look fat."

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

thumb_up thumb_down -36

M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

whats up ho

thumb_up thumb_down +18

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

thumb_up thumb_down -98

M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

thumb_up thumb_down -170

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

thumb_up thumb_down -20

He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!