As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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hey,are you a parking ticket? because nobody likes you.

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

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Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

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Are you an electrician? Cuz' you turn me on.

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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Hey babe, where've you been all my life. Well let's see, I used to live up north in Newcastle then I moved to Liverpool and I'm just down here in London for one day on work.

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Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!