Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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The Non Moral method: "Hi I am the jack off all trades and master of none!" Moral: "Yo, I am the jack of no trades, and master of all!" So uh, Anti Pickuplines are pickup lines that do not work... Hmm, I think I get it... Hmm, no I don't...

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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Him. "I'd sure like to get into your pants." Her. "No thanks. One asshole in my pants is my limit."

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!