Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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Guy:I got stds! Wanna do it? Girl:what the f*** did u just say?guy:oh std ummmm save the dogs?uh ya that save the dogs I own a animal shelter! Girl:I'm not stupid guy: u sure? (Slap)

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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Man enters bar: Man: is there any... I mean ANY woman that would not instantly reject me here? If there is, I would like her... or in worst case scenario, HIM that she/he is very special to me and has the most beautiful eyes ever... THANK YOU

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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Drink this!

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!