Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Hey babe wats ur sign Caution men at work

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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Stop Footing Around

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Don't worry, I love fat birds....why are you crying?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!