"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

thumb_up thumb_down +69

Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

thumb_up thumb_down +242

Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

thumb_up thumb_down -119

Man; Wanna play the rape game? Girl; No Man; That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Guy: You must put sugar in your cereal every morning... Girl: Why cause I am so sweet :) Guy: No because you haven't been able to see your toes in at least 20 years...

thumb_up thumb_down -25

- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

are you on fire?

thumb_up thumb_down -71

all in all it was a good orgy

thumb_up thumb_down +202

hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

I take the the out of psychotherapist

thumb_up thumb_down -4

I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar. You look way better from over there.

thumb_up thumb_down -111

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +108

Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down -197

You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

thumb_up thumb_down +127

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

thumb_up thumb_down +19

You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

thumb_up thumb_down +696

-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!