Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Woman: What does ui spell?

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

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Do you want to see something swell?

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!