You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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Are you an erection? 'Cause you're growing on me.

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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Jdkfk

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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-So, you wanna...? -I'm on my period.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!