My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

thumb_up thumb_down +129

Dude: I don't wanna be friends anymore! Dudette: I take it that you found out about my feelings. Dude: Yes. And, at the rate this is going, staying where we are now gets us nowhere. Dudette: *sparkly eyes* So... you mean... Dude: Yes. We are more than friends. I realize that you have realized that. In fact... *steps to whisper in her ear* ... we're like BROTHERS. Dudette: 3

thumb_up thumb_down -106

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

thumb_up thumb_down -145

Hey giiiiiiiiiiirl, I'm no Flinstone but I can make your bedrock.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -34

http://scriptsbay.com http://scriptsbay.net

thumb_up thumb_down -72

roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

thumb_up thumb_down -32

I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

thumb_up thumb_down -53

At Barlevania: Man: Yo lady... mind if I hang around? Woman: Uh... wait... there is a weird song outside... Man: Yeah but you will you... yeah... its getting louder! *nana nanananana nana* Man: What the hell is that? Woman: No idea, its getting louder! *NANA NANANANANANA KATAMARI DAMACY NANA NANANANANANANA KATAMERUUUUU! DAMACY DAMACY*¨¨ *Both the man and the woman gets rolled up in a spirit ball by the prince, in no time the bar gets rolled up as well* Dun dun dun dun dun dun Du du dun dun STAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAAAAAR LIGHT! King of all cosmos: Eh.. buenos dias! That means good day in Spanish the king thinks... the king likes languages... Eh? What is this insignificant thing you rolled up? Earth? The king does not like it... it feels too earthy! To humanny and stuff... *The king of all cosmos throws the earth away towards outer space* "ROLLED UP EARTH HAS BECOME PLANET EARTH!" Moral: Katamari Damacy taught us all that it does not have to make sense to be funny, but its not a good idea to for anyone to hit on anything while the planet is being rolled up...

thumb_up thumb_down +26

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back becausemfalling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

thumb_up thumb_down +108

- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

thumb_up thumb_down +71

He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

my dick is 2 inches

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

thumb_up thumb_down +52

I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -59

knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

thumb_up thumb_down -106

Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +138

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!