so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

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Male: Get in the van.

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!