I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Nice hair, can I pull it?

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

thumb_up thumb_down +94

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

thumb_up thumb_down -87

Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

thumb_up thumb_down +40

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

thumb_up thumb_down -91

A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

thumb_up thumb_down -140

You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +114

-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

thumb_up thumb_down -6

-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

thumb_up thumb_down -165

Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

thumb_up thumb_down -99

Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

thumb_up thumb_down +4

-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

thumb_up thumb_down +70

-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!