TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

thumb_up thumb_down -68

If you're still here when I get drunk, this is your lucky night.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

thumb_up thumb_down -125

Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

thumb_up thumb_down +65

hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

thumb_up thumb_down +12

- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Is that a ladder in your tights or are you just a cheap whore?!

thumb_up thumb_down -29

If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

thumb_up thumb_down -25

If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

thumb_up thumb_down -129

Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Lesbihonest

thumb_up thumb_down -112

Yo imma let you finish yourself off

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

thumb_up thumb_down +576

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

thumb_up thumb_down +70

“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

thumb_up thumb_down +88

- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

thumb_up thumb_down +198

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!