Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

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(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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For the males that do not know what I mean with "woman screams" comment below... well HAHAHAHAHAH LOSERS LOOOOOOOOOOOSEEEEEEEEERS! Moral: Read a book about females more interesting parts one day you lazy bastard... as for the girls... I am not talking about anything bad nor dirty... just 12 hour orgasms and such nice things... WHAT? YOU GONNA TELL ME THAT IS HORRIBLE? Well in that case you dont know what you are missing... and you wont ever know.... Ps: Can you believe I am actually trying to get thumbs downs but keep getting upped? Thanks for accepting my ever growing controversial nature, lets keep it that way and soon moral man will uh... receive a medal for uh... well a small keychain for... uh... you know what? Never mind.

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Soon

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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Glass Basketball

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!