Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

thumb_up thumb_down +238

You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

thumb_up thumb_down +121

I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +15

man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

thumb_up thumb_down -82

nice kid... want another?

thumb_up thumb_down +104

Actor walks in street... Woman: HEY ITS YOU! THE GUY THAT PLAYED GANDALF THE GAY!... Uh I mean Gandalf the GRAY! Actor: WRONG WOMAN! I AM FAGNETO! MASTER OF FAGNETISM! Moral: Please take no insult Esteemed Mr.Ian McKellen you are a fantastic actor... as for the rest of you, feel free to feel as insulted as you want... I mean its your own trucking choice :P.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

-Do you mind if i smoke? -No. I dont even mind if you burn....

thumb_up thumb_down +113

-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

thumb_up thumb_down +108

Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

thumb_up thumb_down +130

Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

thumb_up thumb_down -78

I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

thumb_up thumb_down +72

- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

thumb_up thumb_down -73

so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

thumb_up thumb_down +52

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -41

my love for you is like diarrhea. i can never hold it in

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!