- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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Man: Well... you seem female enough at least... wanna come home? Woman?: Uh... well... okay ;) But I am a man thought ;) Man: That is disgusting! I am so ashamed! Not Woman: Oh, well sorry :(.. Man: So... as I said you SEEM female enough so wanna come home? The other man: :D I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ASKED ME! ITS SO BEAUTIFUL... so well... NO! Man: This is not getting anywhere is it? Author. NO!

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Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

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It's not Rape* If you yell surprise.

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Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

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Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

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-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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*a guy and a girl meet at a bar and has a great conversation* girl - can I borrow your phone? I told my ex I'd call him when I found someone better. boy - sure, here you go *gives phone* girl - *silence* *after awkward phone call* boy - give me my phone back girl - you dont seem to get it do you... boy - give me my phone back girl - *silence* boy - GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK YOU BITCH *boy takes out a shotgun with him and repeatedly shoots girl* *girl dodges and takes a bazooka and aims for boy* *boy manages to get out of the bar* *boy installs bomb in center of bar* *boy leaves bar* *everyone attempts to get out of bar* *boy locks the door* boy - Yippie kai yay, moth- *explosion* *everyone dies* MORAL OF THE STORY - DO NOT GO INTO A BAR

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Shorts and pants compilation: Hey you a cheap prostitute or just out of my league? Hey mom I just watched some more hentai today and wonder if you would... Why are you screaming? Its just me naked with a boner! According to hentai its completely natural! I mean I am getting to do you when I turn eighteen right? No? You are a horrible mother! I am so telling dad you wont give it up! Bitch, you like men that beat you up while fucking you? You do? Oh, my! This is like too freaky too me! *runs out girlie screaming* Dad, I watched some other hentai today and, I wonder if you... Moral: *Pants*, there you go.

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Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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