if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

thumb_up thumb_down +171

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

thumb_up thumb_down -95

Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

thumb_up thumb_down -139

-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

thumb_up thumb_down +17

So, you're a girl, huh?

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

thumb_up thumb_down +135

Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +197

- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

You smell just like my mom...

thumb_up thumb_down +32

fancy going halves on a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down -5

GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

thumb_up thumb_down -40

roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -130

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

thumb_up thumb_down -107

So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Man: Wanna go to my home and have sex? Woman: Well... OK! Man: Wow you are easy!... wait! Where are you going? COME BACK! Moral: They are not easy, they just like a man with balls... and you where obviously not one of them... LAME OVER.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

thumb_up thumb_down +59

How much do you like peanut butter?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!