A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

If I asked you out on a date, would your answer to that question be the same as your answer to this question?

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

Guy : Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Girl : No, why? Guy : Because I can totally see myself in your pants!

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

Are you a dinosaur? Because you look like you got hit by an asteroid.

You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

Is that a banana in your pants? Can I have yours?

You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

Man: I bet I can scream so loud I can break the walls this post is made of. Woman: Pfff bullshit.. Man: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!! Woman: Wow, I wanna go home with you! Man: Sorry, I dont wanna go home with you Moral I dont bang women I "have something to prove to" if ever... heck just ask a woman what makes her cool enough to ask/demand you to prove yourself... and you may just hit the soft spot...

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

Hello children! :D

Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!