Man: Comon babe a little BJ wont hurt anyone get down..... Woman: sorry im alergic to peanuts

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Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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you look like my mother

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Have you met Ted?

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

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Woman: ARGH! I hate fist-ing Man: Fist-Ing? THis tiny hand? Nah baby this is mah PINGAS! Moral: Once you go black, you cant go back.

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!