Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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Guy:My tummy hurts Girl: Oh!! Are you pregnant ? Guy: Yeah!!! With a baby elephant!! Girl:WHAT!!!! Guy: Yeah!! Wanna see its trunk

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Male: I'm all you've got good lookin' Female: then I must not have alot

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U togather Female: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together.

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M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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-Your eyes like diamonds, they give me hope. -Your eyes are like coal, they do nothing for me. Now please go away.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!