-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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nice kid... want another?

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greetings clarisse...

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-I can see forever in your eyes. -But all I can see is never in yours.

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Your the penisbutter to my vagmite;)

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Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!