- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... door slams

your almost as hot as my wife

HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

Man: If I ask you to go on a date, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this one? Woman: (pause) Rape!

Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book