- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

Do you want to see something swell?

You look exactly like my sister.

Woman: Quit staring at me and undressing me with your eyes! Man: I was just imagining you in a tasteful outfit.

"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

will you marry me

Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight? Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book