Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

thumb_up thumb_down +48

What did the priest say to the rabbi? We are both religious figures at the head of our places of worship.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

thumb_up thumb_down +179

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

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You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

thumb_up thumb_down +269

-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

thumb_up thumb_down -57

-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Pooh... my my... it sure its fucking cold outside, I have cooled down now, excuse me while I get back to... My well... Je ne sais quoi... Allright, foursome sex! There you got it, thumb this bitch down because I dont like bragging, but these girls dared me to do it, and we all gotta provide and share ;) Moral: I am the only man of course feck! The alternative is disguting!

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*Boy looks at cloth* -Does this smell like chlorophorm?

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

thumb_up thumb_down -44

- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!