Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Do you believe in love at first hear? Because ive never dated a blind chick before.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

thumb_up thumb_down +54

-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

thumb_up thumb_down +162

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

M - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. F - Yeah, it's too bad that N and O are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +269

“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

thumb_up thumb_down +241

Are you from tennessee? Cuz it looks like your missing some teeth.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

thumb_up thumb_down +111

Pick up lines from the stoneage: Man: RARGH GROG BEAT YOU WITH CLUB! AND MAKE THE LITTLE GROGS WITH YOU! Woman: But I just had one! Aww not this again whatever... Moral: And over time women adjusted to clubs and often end up knocked up when passing out in them, While men that own their own clubs usually end up knocking up a lot more of them... Some things never change...

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Do you believe in rape by first sight? Moral: I think its immoral enough as it is already.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Eyh! its me Black Metal, I seriously cant pay you right now son! Sorry if this comes late this page do not work for shit, (I bet thats why you pick this page you egomaniac son, If you was not full of em charisma id never do this alright?) Okay Overlord, I got your message, hell you know my sister loves you crazy crazy man, why the hell would I try to "hold her away" I mean fuck its banging, so yeah thumbs ups man High five for my sister, its you know, she was super shy before you showed up, now she cant do gym anymore (haha man you so hardcore) but she has lots of friends and you know... So am I absolved now Overlord Black Metal? Moral: Because this guy made me put this, man, you making me feel like a total bitch, good play son!

thumb_up thumb_down -80

-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

thumb_up thumb_down +122

Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

thumb_up thumb_down +144

Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

thumb_up thumb_down +120

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!