Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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You smell just like my mom...

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J.B: You smile, I smile. Girl: I wasn't smiling...

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adam burdass

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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free candy....

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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Lol, again I am on a adrenaline... well let me be subtle... GANGBANGING WITH ANAL, PUSSY, TWO GIRLS FIGHTING OVER ONE COCK (Ladies there is enough down there to share)... ...Anyway, it reminds me of when I was 21, and I was like "You know what? Threesomes and that kinda stuff is nice and all, but I am a grown up now and... ...TSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs Today I am 32, Married, (Hey my wife is into stuff, so its not cheating if she is the one enjoying while I videotape sometimes okay? (Never on cam, you crazy? You cant sell that shit! Okay I am kidding, the collection is personal) Ps: Seriously girls, one thing is that you smear yourself with my cumshots okay? But Hugging me afterwards? DATS SICK! (Name is Nero, I am not black, I am Hispanic, Latino Sexy... Well, actually when I take a look in the mirror I go, "meh well some guys got the looks"... ...I wont lie though, either my looks dont matter shite, or girls really like it...

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MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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