-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back becausemfalling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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"Don't scream"

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The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

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Jdkfk

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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if you were my sister i'd totally get with you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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