You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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So when' the baby due?

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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Nice legs... what time do they open? Cos there is a pungent fish smell and I think you need to wash.

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- I put the STD in STUD, all I need is U - ...

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Want to go out? No

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!