- You're so hot, that if you ate a piece of bread, you'd poop out toast! -You're so cold that if you drunk a glass of water, you'd poop out ice.

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Hey ladies ;) I like to post lots of anti-pickuplines! ;) Girls: WOW! I WANNA JOIN YOU HOME! ME TOO ME TOO! The anti-part: This will never happen in real life.

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

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Q: What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? A: My zipper.

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imgonna r@pe you

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

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-Is there anything I can do for you? -Fill my care cup. Oh, actually, I don't think you can manage to do that.

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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You stole my heart..... Don't worry, i have three more back home in my freezer.

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Boy: So...Um...How's life? Girl: Great, until you came along.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!