Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

thumb_up thumb_down +154

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

thumb_up thumb_down +177

you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

thumb_up thumb_down -18

-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Hello, it's nice to meet you.

thumb_up thumb_down +226

Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

your almost as hot as my wife

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -124

He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

thumb_up thumb_down +81

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +76

It that a tsunami in your panties or are you excited to see me.. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -36

You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

thumb_up thumb_down +47

Real life anti Joke: At my school Me as a teen: Hey, I don't know me, and I don't know you, but we both live at the same private school, how about you come with me later and so I can screw you really hard? Girl: My God I love confident guys, sure! Me: Wha...what? That is not quite what I uh... You mean *blush* really want to have sex with me? I mean I am... co-conifden I mean confident but like really? Girl: Meh, not anymore... Moral: Must have been quite some time ago because it took me years to understand why she refused at the end...

thumb_up thumb_down +162

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

thumb_up thumb_down +63

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!