Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Now this one is for the ladies: Girl: Hey there Alexa! Long time no see! Woman: Indeed dear, so... do you still do YOGA!? Girl: Nah I stopped after the YOGA FIRE! lessons and the YOGA TELEPORT! Lessons where too expensive... Woman: too bad! Can you still bend your legs behind your back though? ;) It looked so sexy... Girl: Oh well, as long as you can still do you YOGA STRETCH tongue you can come home with me and teach me a thing or two since I am just 19 and you are a 35 year old couger... if you know what I mean ;) Woman: Sure! I can teach you a lot of lusty immoral things ;). Conclusion: Girl: Not there... its hurts. Woman: Just relax girl, and it will work... Girl: YES OH YES!!! Moral: To show that my stories also support the ladies ;) Hey... its called the ANTIPICKUPLINE after all right?

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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M:Hey baby you must be a GENERAL because your making my PRIVATES stand up F:Hmm, Your still a MAJOR disappointment See whaat i did tharrgh?

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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Man: HEY BITCH! LETS HAVE SEX! Damn ugly woman: OKAY! Next day... Man: Damn that was some nice sex, too bad the bitch was damn ugly though, even trough the beer googles... I wonder where she is... "damn ugly woman": woof woof! Bark bark! Moral: Do you see any moral in this immoral piece of shit? (Ps if you are stupid, the bitch was actually a dog... get it?)

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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-I know you want to ask me out. I am free anytime. -Ok, then go out.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Do you want to see something swell?

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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I just shat my pants..... can I get in yours?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!