I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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You remind me of America. How so? Because you so fat!

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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If you and I were squirrels, I'd bust a nut in that hole.

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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I have no gag reflex.

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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I hope you're not a vegetarian.... because my dick is made of meat.

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I AM LOVE! I AM LOVE! Moral: Seriously, I have never been QUUUUUITE this happy, shouting I am love is probably not the best move, thanks for your thumbs ups, thumbs downs, and while my work is done here, that does not mean Ill leave, I need to keep my reputation as the fourth, smoothest, aka pointless invention in the world, and unless you want to count that girl Justina Bitcherina, that means that I am the smoothest man alive, THANK YOU THANK YOU! And feel free to vote this down if you cant handle being thanked by the smoothest most awesome man alive. Hey, I get it, we cant all be me ;)

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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Hey baby, are you Star Trek? Because I watch you every night in the darkness.

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Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Will you marry me? WHO ARE YOU?

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!