i would drag my balls through miles of broken glass, just to hear you fart through a walkey-talkey

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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Hey, we have coresponding genetailia, we should converge in sexual intercourse.

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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Male: I have a large penis female: so do i.

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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What happens when you run over a mexican? The country gets one less illegal immigrant.

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!