Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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-Can I have your number? -Can my boyfriend punch you in the face?

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Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

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Id catch a grenade for ya, but you won't do the same

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guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!