How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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(this is only funny if ur a guy!) you go to a party im a man you get a drink im a man you laugh with friends im a man u see a hot chick im a man you invite her over to ur place im a man you go up in the bedroom im a man you go to pull her pants off im a man and she says... im a man!

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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Girl: I like a romantic man. Man: oh yes? Girl: Yeah he would have to sing to me... Man: Ehem... cough... okay here goes:Madness? Madness! Madness? Madness! Girl: What? Man: THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A A-A-A-A-A! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! THIS IS SPARTA! A-A-A.... Girl: EEEK MY EARS! *runs away* Man: Wait where are you going I am not even finished singing my youtube sparta mix!! Moral: When its hot, they pinch back, *wheeze*

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Get in the van.

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!