Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to F*** you with a rake.

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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You're parents must be assholes because baby you're the shit!

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

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Gaywatch starts

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-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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I have been known to give women the best fake orgasms ever ;)

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!