roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +98

do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

thumb_up thumb_down +66

F: I AM SO DRUNK AND HORNY I COULD FUCK ANYONE M: Hey, wanna fuck? F: I SAID ANYONE.. Not anything... Heck I got standards! Moral: Heck she has standards! Her dog is someone!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

thumb_up thumb_down +181

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

thumb_up thumb_down +79

Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +383

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +139

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +124

Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +348

hey you look like a good practice girl.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

thumb_up thumb_down +698

Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +74

Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

thumb_up thumb_down -37

-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

thumb_up thumb_down +87

you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

thumb_up thumb_down +44

baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!