I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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Me. Would you like me to get you a ring for valentines day? Girlfriend: Nothing would make me happier! So I got her nothing...

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

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Man: (Ugh worst food ever). Girl: U like it? Man: I love it girl! Girl: Aww, I am gonna make this every day ever! Moral: Hey, if she got big tits, then keep lying.

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Girl, you must have fallen from heaven...because you're dead.

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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will you marry me

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!