Do you know karate... 'Cause I wanna know if you can fight back!

Woman enters gynecologist office: Man: YO I am the vaginator! Woman: Vaginator? Man: You know, the guy that is gonna fu.. I mean study your pussy with the long hard spear and see if your juices are okay and stuff... Woman: HuuuuuuuH? Moral: Writing this makes me understand why some women dont exactly enjoy a trip to the "Vaginator" so I forgot the moral and the point... my sympaties though...

- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

Did it hurt? When you fell from the hoe tree and banged every dick on the way down?

What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "your sister" and "I" together.

are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

you look like my mother

Guy: Can we go on a date? Girl: A date? You couldn't find a date if I handed you a bag of fruit!

I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

What do you get when you cross a chicken with glue? My d***

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

My therapist says I should meet new people.

-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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