-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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Me 17 years old: Hey, girl, you are hot how old are you? Girl: 14. Me: What but you have enormous... Never mind, uh nice evening huh?... My friend: Big boobs on er huh? I would have hit on her too had it not been for... Me: Shut up... Crap! Moral: That was a crappy day!

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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Woman: Hey hot stuff! Are you new around he... Man: Eh, I am not comfortable with women hitting on me, even hot ones like you, its just uh... awkward and... Woman: uh sorry, its not like I was hitting on you nor anything ;), Why dont you hit on me? Man: Uh... I err.. how you... uh... *the guy proceeds to stare at the floor for the next five minutes then runs out crying* Moral: NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD!

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Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

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At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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-Do you like me? -No

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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Did you just fart? 'cos you blew me away

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Grapist: I bet you like getting Graped, tied up and beaten muahahahahaha! I am so gonna do the worst things to you! Woman: YES PLEASE! Man: MAAAAAAAAAAAN your not fun anymore... Moral: Its not grape if she wants it... and I guess grapists dont like that... remember that girls whenever someone is gonna rape you just say YES unless they yell surprise though... then its surprise sex.

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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roses are red violets are blue My dog gives me a bigger orgasm then you

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!