-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so shove it up your A$$.

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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whats up ho

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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good thing i got my library card cuz im checking you out. i hate people who have library cards.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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-wow I could just drown in the ocean of your eyes -well why don't you -well I'll steal your sisters number, get lost at sea, and shipreck in her bed Then you can come and save us when she is shouting S.O.S out of the other room

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!