- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day! ...I'm a paraplegic, asshole.

Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

Guy: (Walks up to girl) "I do not think it is a girls body that makes her special, it is her personality that really counts". Girl: "Well that's to bad because you can't have sex with my personality". (Then walks away)

Man: Your so hot, i think heavens missing an angel Girl: ... Man: ... Girl: ... Girl 2: Sophie turn your hearing aid on Man: oooh.

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

I think I shit myself

Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book