Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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can i take a dump in your mouth?

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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showing people this http://hahgay.com/ p.s after seeng any girls want to come back to my place

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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Man: Wow you are my cousin? Damn girl you are hot! I mean nothing wrong you know, I was just wondering if you wanna get a innocent cup of coffee Woman: Uh, thanks, but I have never met you... Man: Not my cousin? Bah, what a turnoff im outta here... Moral: Yeah moral... Pffft! You will have an easier time finding Waldo here.

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M. Haven't I seen you some place before? W. That's why I don't go there anymore

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

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Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

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ur so hot, i'd let u put ur vagina inside of me

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

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I'll punch ya!

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!