You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Penis. I got it

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Wanna have sex?

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Your eyes are the color of my toilet water.

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Man - Hey hun.. .Can I kiss the most beautiful girl on the whole party? ;) Wowan - Hell no. Man - Ah, I see... And what about you? Can I?

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You look like I could use a drink - SMC Digital

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Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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Hey can I have your number? No.

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Van what van? GET TO THE CHOPPAH!

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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"Is it true you're a lesbian?"

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!