Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

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Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Hey babe, are your parents arseholes? Because your the shit.

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

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Are you a beaver? Because your overbite seems to be made for my wood. Moral: Take what you see, improve it, and steal the glory... We all do it... maybe not as obvious as this... but judging me badly would be hypocrisy...

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

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-Your eyes are as blue as toilet water

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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