Do you live around here often?

"Next!"

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

Are you from Jamaica because I'm from Jamaica and I think I recognize you? Your ugly as hell by the way.

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

Mario: Its a me Mario! Woman: Uhuh... Mario: Its a me Mario? Woman: Yeah you got a point? Mario: Okey dokey! Woman: So? Mario: Letsa go! Woman: Well okay, I mean *chews bubblegum* at least I know who you are and stuff... Moral: I once saw a red mushroom come out of a question block, so I just touch it with my Richard and... ...Wait ill take the green one, just in case, I good with what I have...

*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

Golf.

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

M- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? W- I'm an atheist.

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

You must have a large mass because i am highly attracted to you

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!