I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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who wants to play EPAR

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Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

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Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

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man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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Man: Wow girl, you are so hot you remind me of my wife when she was young.. wanna come to my place for a quick one before she comes back? Girl: Sigh... this AGAIN? I told you! If you are gonna get that drunk, get out of our home and go to a bar daddy!

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Guy: Have you ever seen a rhinoceros? Girl:No. Why? Guy: So you don't have a mirror in your house?

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!