why are you you touching me ????

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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Girl:Want to go out this Friday? Boy: No I like to stay inside. Girl: No I mean are you free this Friday? Boy:No Im expencive!

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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Wow...you don't sweat much for a fat girl.

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Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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Boy: Is your mom mexican? Girl: No/Yes why? Boy: Just wondering.

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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my dick is 2 inches

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Man: Wanna come home watch my REALLY big stamp collection? ;) ;) Girl: Sure ;) ;) At home: Man: Why are you taking your clothes off? Girl: Uh... nevermind... Moments later: Man: And this one is a rare misprint from 1980, and this one is actually quite common but.., Girl: Sigh... :(

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!