Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Yeah! Keep drinking girl! Ill just lube your backdoor, what? Dont ask, just drink! Moral: I love it when women call me a pig, all men are pigs, and real women dont want some boy...

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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Boy:Nice hair Girl: (removes the wig) there you go! have fun

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Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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Man: Would you like to dance? Woman: Hell No! Man: I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me. I said - You look fat in those pants!

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The word of the day is 'legs' , The word of tomorrow is Aardvark .

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Man enters bar: Man: I AM MORAL MAN! My spear shall cut down the zealots, and my shield shall block (yeah you wish) be used as a additional weapon to push people down so I can thrust my spear even deeper into their hatred filled hearts! Woman: WOW! Moral: This pickup line wont work of course... not for you you aren`t the one and only EPIC: MORAL MAN! ;) Aka Epic man to those that still fail to understand that my morals are morals for a new order! No more religious wars, no more pedophiles, no more hatecrime... stand by me, and I shall not only speak for you, but also fight for you!

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!