You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

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—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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- I'd go to the end of the world for you - Good,Stay There

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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Man- According to my magic watch you're not wearing any underwear. Woman- Yes, I am! Man- Damn! I guess my watch is 15 minutes fast.

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Hey girl, I just fuck my diapers, wanna change them ;) Moral: This has to be the one of the worst pickup lines in history.

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Hitler: Hey Mädchen, du bist Jude? Girl: What? Hitler: Ärmel hochkrempeln, ich brauche deine Nummer.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!