Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

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Every girl wants to be swept off her feet... It's when you put her in the trunk of your car that she starts to freak out.

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Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

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Male: Get in the van.

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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Damn girl did you just come from the dump? Cause you smell like shit.

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Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

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#1 You're breath smells like Skittles, can I taste the rainbow? No, because , while mine may smell like Skittles, yours reeks. #2 Girl: Hey, I got this new Kiss Proof lip gloss, wanna try it out? (there are 2 answers to this) 1.Boy: Well, yours may be Kiss Proof, but mines not, and I don't have time to re-apply this after 2. Yeah, I do want to try it out, but not with you.

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I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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- if I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U next to Y, just why

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wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!