Man: Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -112

I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

thumb_up thumb_down -79

- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

thumb_up thumb_down +135

baby please dont make this rape turn into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -66

if i was a fly, i'd be all over you, because you are the SHIT.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

4 out of 5 people enjoy being gangraped

thumb_up thumb_down -26

why are you you touching me ????

thumb_up thumb_down +20

So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Damn, girl, you're hot... You look just like my mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +139

Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +198

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

are you from subway cause you givin me a footlong

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

thumb_up thumb_down -102

The invention that gets me around 20 red thumbs averge. Moral: <<<<< Thiz. Its better tto be infamous, than forgotten.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Male-where have you been all my life ? Female-not in it thats for sure Male-i was singing a song i wouldn't want YOU in my life Female-i was singing a song 2 *lies*

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

thumb_up thumb_down +310

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!