Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

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HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Hey baby that dress is amazing! It would look even better as a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor!

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Man seriously? Free Samsung? And that Fiat, I been wondering how much you want for it, not that i got it but I was considering buying it sometime. Son, I got no idea what brand this piece of shit car is, but the wheels are cool. No really, if you mean it, ill take that Fiat man, man, ill kiss your feet, ill do it, no really I mean Really? I mean really really? Man If you mean it, ill get over there right away, and man, you can have dunno, bad times, hell ANYTHING Okay? But if you are just messing with me, you can go fuck yourself and your phone man!

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Man: Hey, you dont look that fucking ugly, wanna go home with me? mirror: *shatters* Moral: If your ugliness ever shatters your mirror let me know, ill look at it and it will assemble itself back on its own.

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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If i could re-arrange the alphabet i'd put you and that other girl together.

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Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!