A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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-Did you fall from heaven? Because your an angel -No but did you? Because your face is fucked up!

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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