If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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boy: hey wanna hang out some time?! girl: O MY GOD! r u hannah montanna?!

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Come lay your head upon my chest. (After a moment) Perhaps you'd be more comfortable onmy stomache (pushes head down)

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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I have a gun.

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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How do you know where gonna have sex tonight.Im stronger than you.

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At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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Your skin would make a nice coat.

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Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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Hello children! :D

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!