Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

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Guy- Hey girl do u like math Girl-um, sure Guy- ok I got a problem... Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and multiply the bodies.... What does that equal.... Girl- u and ur homo friends

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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Wanna have sex?

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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- Is it hot in here, or is it just the broken A/C unit?

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!