Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

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Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

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Guy: What's your name? Girl: Damisha. Guy: I can't believe it! You're called just like my highschool's platonic love. Girl: Impossible, I just made it up.

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I heard you were looking for a STUD, well I have an STD all I need is U

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Woman enters a...uh Cafe that only sells alcohol and stuff... now that is variation from the usual bar eh? Woman: Yo bitchy hot stuff, you look cheap get over here! lets bang! Man: How dare you! Woman: Why? You dont wanna try my wiener? Man: "throws drink at woman", Im gonna tell my girlfriend! Woman: I start getting the feeling something is very wrong here man... Man: Humpf! Just wait to my girlfriend gets here and beats you u... wait I to think there is something very very wrong here. Moral: The world may never know...

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sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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You look... clean

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Do you live around here often?

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hey Herpes Go Away!

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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Hey baby. Do you drive a slug bug on a rainbow? If so, I'll drive.

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-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

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haha

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!