Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

thumb_up thumb_down +143

As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

thumb_up thumb_down -40

The Non Moral method: "Hi I am the jack off all trades and master of none!" Moral: "Yo, I am the jack of no trades, and master of all!" So uh, Anti Pickuplines are pickup lines that do not work... Hmm, I think I get it... Hmm, no I don't...

thumb_up thumb_down -12

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +268

Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +53

-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

thumb_up thumb_down -142

While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

thumb_up thumb_down +129

Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

thumb_up thumb_down +99

At a bar... sigh... Woman: Hey cutie wanna go home? "Man" hello I am twelve... what is this? Moral: Hello I am eight... what is this?

thumb_up thumb_down +102

Man at a restaurant (that is out of everything but bar stools and alcoholic drinks): Man: Die monster! You don't belong in this world! Woman: Uh? Oh! Nice tribute to the cheesy Castlevania lines! Man:Tribute!?! You steal men's souls and make them your slaves! Woman: Uh... well with most of you men lacking a spine nowadays... I cant truly disagree with you... Man: Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a savior such as you! Woman: Savior? Who do you think I am? But now I am annoyed *throws glass that breaks* have at you! *slaps man* Man: HYDRO STORM! Throws a flask of water upwards as it breaks on the floor splashing the woman... Woman: NOW I AM ALL WET! YOU MORON! Dont you know me? Man: Man: M-Maria? Uh... What happened? Shaft: Damn you broke free from your spell! But it is too late! Muahahaha! Castlevania has already become a bar! Richter: Well... that's fine to me, as long as Dracula does not STEAL MEN`S SOULS! Shaft: Relax, he is into business now... Richter: Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a businessman such as him! Shaft: Seriously! I invite you both at its VIP lounge and free beer to make up for the past mistakes... Richter: Excellent! But now feel my unbridled wrath!!!!! *punches Shaft* Shaft: Ouch! So... are we even now? Richter: Considering the free beer... okay... As they arrived Castle Barlevania they both got drunk and played "vampire killer" at the stage all night... Moral: Not much a Anti-Pick up line you say? Not only did Richter make a fool out of himself, but he also got her wet ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +3

"You look like an angel that fell from heaven and hit its face on the pavement."

thumb_up thumb_down +163

You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

thumb_up thumb_down -39

You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Yo mama so stupid she traded her shoes for a pair of socks!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

wanna go halves on a b*stard?

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

thumb_up thumb_down -55

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Haven't we met somewheer before? Yes, son.

thumb_up thumb_down -160

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -32

On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!