Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Man enters a bar... ORIGINALITY FOR THE PEOPLE! Man: Hey, wanna go to my place later? Woman: Ok Ronald McDonald but you gotta take of your costume first and... Man: What costume? I am Michael Ja.. Moral: Stop it right there! Its too early for jokes about uh... Michael J Fox... yeah him yeah... lets keep it that way...

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!