Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Roses are red violets are blue this isn't a poem I'm a botanist.

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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Is your dad a terrorist?? 'Cause you're a sex bomb.

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Dont let this rape turn into a murder

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your almost as hot as my wife

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!