Woman: The church is fantastic, I see Jesus wherever I go! Me: I see a psycho wherever you go. Moral: PSYCHO CRUSHER!

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

"Next!"

men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on! Great! Maybe next time I'll electrocute you to death!

Man - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" Woman - "Yes it does."

damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

guy: r u from mcdonalds, coz im luvin it :D Girl: r u from burger king coz ur fat :L

A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

Yo wazzup hoes? You knew black guys have the biggest dicks ever? ;) Uh, so what? You are white. Oh... yeah... Moral: Damn wiggers.

I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!