I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

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A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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I'm a black belt at pretty much everything, Karate, Larate, Jiu-Jitsu, Kickpunching, Beltmaking, Taekwondo.........bedroom...|:D ~Rick, the Adventure Sphere

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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-Do you come here often? -I'm about to.

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!