-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Im gonna rape you..

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

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man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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I hate you already.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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Male: "Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this room?" Female: "Because you're here"

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!