If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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He says: Are you're from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. She says: Well, if we're making bad jokes: Are you from Illinois? Because you make me ill, and when I throw up from your face I'll make a lot of nois.

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He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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free candy....

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You look exactly like my sister.

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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- I can make your wildest dreams come true. - I know. I had this nightmare some creep wouldn't leave me alone...

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I love Mark Wahlberg!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!