- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

- OMG, OMG, OMG, Terry finally said he will go out with me! -OMG, When? -February 30th! -Stacey, There is no February 30th.

Akshay Kumar's 'Special Chabbis' is a mind-action film, says director

GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

Guy on phone:ok im on my way. Other guy:who was that,your mom? Guy on phone:no yours. (this is not mine ,its from Cyanide en Happines).

I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

You are so beautiful. You look just like my dead wife. You can come back to my place and the 3 of us can get to know each other better.

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

guy scientist: hey can i send a probe to explore uranus? girl scientist: hey can i send a rocket with you in it to the sun/

-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

You're like a drug to me. why because I'm so addicting?:) No, because you ruined my life.

Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book