That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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Stable relationships are for horses.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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Have you been followed? 'Cuz i've been seeing people behind your back.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!