Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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As long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Are your prices by the hour

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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MAN: Did it hurt? WOMAN: Did what hurt? MAN: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? WOMAN: Did it hurt when you were dropped as a baby?

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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My wife does not know it but every time we have sex I put a dollar aside to go toward her Christmas present. So far she is getting a cup of coffee.

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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*on Halloween* Male: My name's Dick, and you're a very pretty PUSSY-cat. Female: I'll cut off your penis.

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Monday went by and he didn't see her Tuesday was the same Wednesday came and the swelling had finally gone down for him to make his wife out

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I hate you already.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!