Man: Wanna see the best pick up line ever? Its an ancient secret kept for millions of years! Girl: SURE! Man: It only reveals to the fully drunk though so lets get drinking.. Girl: uh... okay... I guess.. Man: Drunk enough? Girl: Ulp... you betcha weird man! Man: Ok its hidden at my place so lets go! Girl: WOHOO!

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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Hello, it's nice to meet you.

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M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

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Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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I'll eat your poop

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You like my boobies ;) Girl: I said no you disgusting fat bastard! Moral: What fucking kind of MOTHERFUCKING MORAL are you expecting to find here?!?

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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sound of zipper

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Male: Get in the van.

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!