Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

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Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

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Do you have cancer, because you look diseased.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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him: your like the sun in the morning. her: that so sweet! him: Your very big and i can even stare at you for more then 2 secondes.

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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Are you an ornithologist?... because my penis is incredibly swollen with blood.

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If i'd ask you if you want to f*ck me, would your answer be the same as to this question?

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Moral man enters a bar and spots a sad girl. MMan: Why so sad? Lady: My father died... MMan: And you want him to see you sad, from wherever he may be? Lady: No but how am I supposed to be happy about it? MMan: Remember the happy days you spent, because they are many more than the days you will see his gravestone, and if nothing else, we can always keep those alive within our heart happily, as long as we are happy in OUR heart... Moral: I would have called this meaningless bull before, but this is a true story, and those words are the reason I just celebrated my two year anniversary with my girlfriend, the most amazing girl ever... which just sang out of joy btw... I may be different... but if a man can keep those he loves happy, he is indeed a true man... Ok now she wants to know what I am typing, so I say nothing and put this self brag away, because I share with you, but heck, what am I? Somekind of romantic? Answer: Meh, I am the ever lovable jerk you may not like, but cant stop loving once you know me either... The anti-part? Dunno, dont care :D

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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