Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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Stop Footing Around

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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-You smell nice Thanks....... -Have you ever thought of turning your sweat into perfume?

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

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Hey girl, I am a rich guy with a huge estate and stuff, while you live under a cardboard box so... Your place or mine? Both, I to your place, and you to mine.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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MAN- Wanna have sex? WOMAN- No get away from me you freak?!!! MAN- Well... I gave you a choice...

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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You smell just like my mom...

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-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!