Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

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hey, your cute. hey, your not.

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My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

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Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Hey, I your dad a baker?...Cuz it would be really cool if he were a baker.

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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Q: Why are Italian girls so hairy? A: Because it turns out its a genetic predisposition in which almost all males and females have when of the Italian ethnicity, these genetics are also parts of other race types.

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Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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-how much do i have to pay you to **** me? -how much do i get for taking you back to the zoo?

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!