You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

thumb_up thumb_down +134

Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

thumb_up thumb_down +180

Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

thumb_up thumb_down +166

As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

thumb_up thumb_down +85

So when' the baby due?

thumb_up thumb_down -5

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Woman: Hey you look hot and cool, wanna chat? "Man": Meh.. I just stand here with my beerglass trying to look cool in hopes that women ask me out... Woman: UGH! "Man": May I please come with you? Eh... where are you going... HEY! Moral: Trying to look like James Bond in the darkest corner of a bar is not flirting you trucking moron!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Hey girl, I May not be Fred Flinstone but I can make your bed rock! ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +69

- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

thumb_up thumb_down +166

-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

thumb_up thumb_down +214

Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

thumb_up thumb_down +98

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Q: Continue the pattern. 1,2,3,4,..... A: other numbers.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

thumb_up thumb_down +27

hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!