Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

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BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

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Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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Man: Wanna come see my collection of stamps? ;) Woman: Actually id prefer we go to your place have sex ;) Man: GEEEEEEEZ! What does a man have to do to show off his stamp collection here?

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I hate you already.

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Are you cold? Because you're just not hot.

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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Guy: You look like a suitable mate and I'd thoroughly enjoy engaging in rough, sweaty sex with you and your lady parts.

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Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

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If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" as far apart as possible.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

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Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a footlong

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- You must be tired, you've been running through my mind all day. -No, your mind is so small I can't even take a step in it!

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-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

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Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!