- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

Get in the van.

Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? looks down pants Meh!

Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

Does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

you have your job, I have mine, so let's do it in the kitchen

I just killed my wife. What should I do?

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

WHEN I ACTUALLY DIE SOME PEOPLE ARE GOING TO GET REALLY HAUNTED. Originally Posted at: Collection of Funny WhatsApp Status

- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together - U and me - Grammer freak

I love you more than my jar of fingers.

Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

I'm an Ice Bear, I guess i just broke the "ICE" between us ....

Are you from Wales, because...well...

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book