I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like O Mg.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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-I bet you put extra sugar in your cereal every morning. -Aww, because I'm so sweet? -No. Because you're fat as hell.

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Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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"Hey can I get your number?" "-12 Like the inches of your dick."

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guy: ermm...i like blondes ;) ima blonde too...we r a perfect dumb blonde match!!!! girl: yeah but im the dumb one in this situation. and have u taken a look in the mirror lately?!?! guy: yeah...well...uhh...maybe.........no not really... girl: well first of all you got pimples the size of mars, you have cross-eyes, you nose is bigger than squidwards nose, and let me see ur d!ck...now!!!! guy: oooh getting right to the point!!! i like it *unzips his pants and pulls out his nub* girl: uhh well u aint got no point, it looks like ur point just broke... guy: well midgets cant help it!!!!!!!!! dont judge my falses!!!!!! girl: okayy...besides theres wayyy too much to judge...no point...ur a complete waste of my timee!!!!!!!! now go watch porn and see if it grows a little bigger than his little nub u got.

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

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Are your legs tired? cuz ive got a raging boner and need to get rid of it

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Guy: Have you ever been to Thailand? Girl: No Guy: Well maybe I should take you to Bangkok

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Man- Hey, baby, wanna come back to my house for some pizza and sex? Woman- No! Man- What's wrong, you don't like pizza?

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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- Hey, baby, are your parents retarded because you're pretty special.

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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Does it smell in here or it just you?

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? because I can... Yes actually, it's my new LCD Mirror Screen Protector for my iPhone.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!