*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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-- Hey, can I have your number? -- 12

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-Do you come here often? -Yeah, but now that you're here, I think I'll find another bar.

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I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

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He: I know all 21 letters of the Alphabet She: Isn't there 26?? He: Oh yeah...i keep forgetting URAQT

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Order Online Nightwear and short shop online in India

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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Do you believe in angels? Cool, what about goblins?

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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-Wanna go to my place? -Actually, I was gonna ask you the same question. -Really? Where do you live? -In a sexual harassment class.

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Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

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why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!