The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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I have no gag reflex.

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

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Man: Your red thumbs cannot hurt me! Im the MoralmanBitch! *Throws couch at woman* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH!* Woman: *dead* Man:Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up or ill have my way with you!... Moral got jugs! Moral: Works every time

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do I need to beat you again?

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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*is your name angel cuz that's all i see? *is your name asshole cuz that's all i see

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

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If you were a Pokemon I'd choose you!

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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For you that think your family are too overprotective when it comes to sex, this was my story as a teenager. Mom: Hi guys! Me and ladyfriend: Hi mom! This is my ladyfriend: (insert your name if you are female) Dad: Woho! Good catch son! *claps me on shoulder* Mom: Dont worry, you guys just go right up and "study" eh ;) eh ;) and we are gonna put the music REALLY LOUD down here! And there is no need to be ashamed of stains nor anything. Dad: No we understand ;) ;) ;) Girl: Uh... you invited me just to study right? Me: Believe it or not I did... Dad: Yeah you two young ones go study! Remember condom though! ;) Girl: Axel! WTF?! *leaves* Me: Mom.. Dad! WTF!? I dont know anything about algebra (not even to this day, and I am almost 30) Dad: Algebra eh? ;) Next time give her a good "algebra". Me: Mom tell that moron tha... Mom: Relax son, I understand that you boys have desires and the next time you take her with you, you dont need to be ashamed or come up with excuse.. Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Moral: To believe I learned most my ways by having ladyfriends... despite my parents... Mom and Dad overprotective? Good... trust me!

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!