Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

can i just touch your face for like, a couple seconds.

will you marry me

-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!