Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

thumb_up thumb_down +111

the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

thumb_up thumb_down -85

-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

thumb_up thumb_down +289

-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

thumb_up thumb_down -39

“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.” ? Groucho Marx

thumb_up thumb_down -75

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +140

Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Low confidence edition: Woman: Hi there cutie, you new here? Guy: Lady, believe me I am out of your league. Woman: You look really nice and I was wondering if... Guy: No really, believe me, I am boring and a virgin, but my mom says I am nice, but pfft no, just stop wasting your time and giving me false allusions please... Moral: Someone kill that faggot!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

thumb_up thumb_down +152

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

thumb_up thumb_down +55

You dont need makeup, plastic surgery is really cheap nowadays!

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Girl: Do you know any good movies? Boy: Snakes on a plane Girl: Whats it about? Boy: It's about Horses.. on a boat.

thumb_up thumb_down

-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +367

How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as my dick.

thumb_up thumb_down +115

At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

thumb_up thumb_down -30

You look exactly like my sister.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

thumb_up thumb_down -47

You're like a star in the sky. Nothing but gas.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +182

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!