-Did you just fart? Cause you blew me away.

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together Female: I don't need to rearrange the alphabet, N and O are already together!

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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my dick is 2 inches

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Hey, you look like a hooker I fondled in Las Vegas

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Man: Hey whore! I got a job for you! A blow-Job... get it? HAR HAR HARR! Woman: Wtf? Man: Just a joke whore... wanna come to my place?

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Hey Baby, Whats your name? Dave ...(silence)...

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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- If you were a booger I'd pick you first - If you were a booger I'd throw you away...

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Didnt I just meet you at world of warcraft? My nickname is desperaterapist838493

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

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Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!