Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

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Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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Excuse me, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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The word of the day is 'legs'. Wanna come to my place and spread the word?

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Real life again. I was about twenty and things where going on really well with a shy Swedish girl... Me: Hey, my name is Axel, you know, like Axel Rose? ;) She: I hate that guy! Me: Me too! She: Are you being fake? I dont want to talk to you anymore. Me: No wait I really hate him! She: So desperate... (pats me on the head and leaves me feeling pretty stupid) Moral: Last time I used that one, I hate Axel Rose and I hate my parents naming me after that bastard

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the car.

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Female: Hey do you wanna buy me a drink? Male: I really don't like your face.

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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I've got candy.

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Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

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Hey I used to be a man, but I'm pretty horny.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!