Your skin would make a nice coat.

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Man: Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven? Woman: Did it hurt when they kicked-- *sound of gun clicking* Woman: Thanks!

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

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Welcome to DIE!

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Man: Hey lady, wanna come home with me? Woman: A man like you :D would ask a woman like me? I... I cannot believe it... sniff... excuse me this is so beautiful... ;D I want to of course of course I want to... Man: Want to? Woman: Tell you to go screw yourself moron! Man: But you said beautiful as you looked into my eyes and seemed so happy... Woman: Yes I was looking at my reflection in your eyes to avoid having to look at your disgustingly ugly face! REJECTED like a SONIC BOOM! (now that one was for the non lesb... I mean non drunk women, see? I am quite equal, even to the weaker, yet hot gender)

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

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imgonna r@pe you

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Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!