Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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men: Do you ride horses, because I'd let you ride me all night!

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

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#1 You're breath smells like Skittles, can I taste the rainbow? No, because , while mine may smell like Skittles, yours reeks. #2 Girl: Hey, I got this new Kiss Proof lip gloss, wanna try it out? (there are 2 answers to this) 1.Boy: Well, yours may be Kiss Proof, but mines not, and I don't have time to re-apply this after 2. Yeah, I do want to try it out, but not with you.

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Is that a mirror in your pants? We should have sex immediately.

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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-Hi Honey I'm home! -I'm not talking to you! -Oh, Okay. -Don't you want to know why? -No, I trust and respect your decision dear

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!