Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

Good news: you'll never-ever-ever have a zit again. Bad news: because there's no more space for it to pop out.

Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

-Want my number? -I already know it. It's 1. -Phone numbers have more then one digit... -Oh, I thought we were referring to your IQ level...my bad.

You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

-If I could arrange the alphabet, that would be cool.

man: wanna know how i know we're going to f**k tonight? woman: how? man: cuz im stronger than you!

Hi, since its our first "Set Time Date" , I want you know I haven't got any STD's

I scream, You scream, The Police come, It's Awkward...

Every kiss begins with K. Except for ugly, that begins with U.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!