Hey are you on your period? Because I've been following you and I've noticed there's a blood stain on your ass...

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Five dollar women... WOO!

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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-hey, come here a minute.

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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Guy: I got you a gift. It's a Necklace. Girl: Awww thats so nice. Guy: BAZINGA Its my dick.

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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Hey gurl, you smell like tape!

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- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

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Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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-Because you are not very attractive I figure you have low self-esteem. I will prey on your poor self-image for short-term sexual gratification. Also, you are really drunk. -OK.

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If we were confronted, by a vicious man-eating bear with chain-saws for hands and fangs, holding a hammer; than I would sincerley hope you wouldn't be harmed because you're pretty.

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BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

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Drink this!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!