So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Man: did you just fart cuz you blew me away! Woman: actually I did, sorry if it smells I had enchiladas for lunch.

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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What do u get when u mix a black a guy and an octopus The best dam cotton pickin machine you'll ever see!

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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Here, flowers for a pretty lady. These arent flowers they are leaves. Well you arent a pretty lady so hah!

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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Adventures of Drunken man with standards 2: Man: Well you are kinda uh... big for me... no offense lady, I mean you are sexy but you are... well fat.. in fact you are TRUCKING HUGE! and I have standards, HIGH STANDARDS ACTUALLY... but since you are so charming and have such a great personality... I guess we can go for it... Kid: Mommy... what is that naked man doing to that blimp? Moral: Standards... we all got them... they are invisible for a reason though...

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You seem rapable enough... wanna see some back alleys with me?

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Your breast is like a beer holder, you would allow me to store beer in between your breasts, while I talk on the phone

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You're a bit heavier but i think I can fit you in a barrel.

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't.

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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-Are you the sun? -No.. Why? -Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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Guy: I believe in women's rights. That's what women deserve. Girl: Oh really? Because I was just gonna go make you a sandwich and get in bed with you, but I guess not...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!