-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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I am sick of pretty girls, I want something sick smelly disgusting, fat or anorexic, with a personality that kills flowers and that makes me vomit... I guess you will have to do for now. :( Moral: At least she was not the perfect match huh? Always look at the bright side of eternal darkness.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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Man:Yeah, hey yo I'm feelin' like Ray Charles I got my shades on, I don't know where they are You couldn't find me even if you had a radar And I spit rapidly AKAR! Woman: OK ok so you claim to be Ray Charles and all, not that you look like him nor have the same voice... but tell me, how the hell did Ray Charles himself manage to get himself stuck in the ladies sauna room eh? Man: To catch the sight of them boobies! I mean... uh... I do not know young lady, I must feel my way out of here, I hmm... no, this is too soft and round to be a doorknob, and this one is too big and round... hmm... maybe if I try lower I will... oh excuse the pole its my walking stick which I keep in my pants...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!