roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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Are those space pants? Because no one is going to hear you scream later.

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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I've got candy.

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Is it hot in here or are you just suffocating me in this relationship

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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My therapist says I should meet new people.

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Man: Hey sexy girl there... Whats your name? Cena: I am John Cena! I can rap because you can eat.. uh crap... wait I need some allsholes to write some rad lyrics for me here...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!