Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

Hey baby i have a 3 inch penis but i produce two galons of semen everytime i cum...

As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

do you work at subway? 'cause you give me foot long. i'll do you a favour and cut it up

cockface

- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

-Hey baby wanna paint the whole town red? -Yeah, with your blood

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

A modified classic, props to the original poster: Man: Ask me out! Woman: Ok, get out! Man: No no, I said ASK me out. Woman: Okay... will you please get out? Man: No but thanks for asking me out, I am so gonna tell your friends how I rejected you asking me out. Moral: When beaten... THERE IS NO BEATING! If negative people can turn everything into a loss, thinking positive call help you turn anything into victory. I mean Hitler murdered millions right? Arent you happy (Jew or not), that it was not you? VICTORY! (if somehow Pyrrhic depending on how you turn on it... But if you wanna turn a gain to a pain, go ahead...)

- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

For Christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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