A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, take them off.

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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have met you before? i like eating my dogs shit.

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id violate your ass hole.

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Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

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Golgo12, sorry not here, If antijoke is down we will just have to chat another time, but you know for this piece of shit site`s rank as the worlds most useless man, its not the first time I achieve the impossible, or as I say "those claiming that somethings are impossible, should stay out of the way of those making it happen" Anyway, yeah point zero is my "world" and you can come see how you like it for yourself, so far its been working perfectly for 4 months, and while I am officially a cripple (for the meantime, a bit of lots of pain has never slowed me down for long, you get used to it) Ill keep talking long after I am dead apparently, as shutting up is a major factor with these painkillers. See ya.

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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Guy: Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night Girl: Well I have a car, how about I run you over with it instead?

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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hey wanna come back to my house, and help me kill my dog?

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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whats your name beautiful? ;) Tony... (silence)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!