Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

thumb_up thumb_down +39

If you were a booger, that'd be pretty nasty.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Woman: Ugh I wish I could remember who you are, I mean you could even have Aids or H.I.V... Man: Hey yo don worry, Dogta tol `d I am positive so thats that Moral: The H.I.V awareness group was a message: We will go literally f/ck ourselves to death have a nice day.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Boy: You know, just because one is beautiful does not mean that she is intelligent. Girl: Really? Boy: Yeah. But I'd like to tell you that you're a very good exception. Girl: Do you really think so? Boy: Of course! You're already ugly, yet you're so incredibly stupid!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

thumb_up thumb_down -117

What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

thumb_up thumb_down +64

why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

thumb_up thumb_down +74

- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +57

Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Wanna go back to my place and watch some CarVideos?

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Welcome to DIE!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Man: May I please sit next to you for a brief moment? Woman: Sure :), you`re such a gentleman :). Man: Would you care for a bit of violent rapage in you`re anus?

thumb_up thumb_down +45

I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Guy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No, but it will hurt when I pepper spray you.

thumb_up thumb_down -128

BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!