Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

thumb_up thumb_down -192

Hi, my name is Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Babe, you Jewish? cuz your on FIRE!

thumb_up thumb_down +122

he: hey,do you have a phone? she: yeah! why,do you want it? he: no,you should consider selling it and doing a plastic surgery with the money.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Still a better love story than Twilight

thumb_up thumb_down -14

You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

thumb_up thumb_down +46

If I could rearrange the alphabet i would pass on it.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Can I go to your house and play with your Jigglypuff?

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

thumb_up thumb_down -90

In a classy bar: KEEP IT CLASSY! Man: Hello there dear... your eyes sparkle like the sun itself... Woman: Oh... thank you random stranger, that is the most beautiful thing someone have ever said to me :D Man: Really? But you are gorgeous (the two proceed to have a long CLASSY conversation and laughing in a classy reserved matter and drinking classy champagne and whatever... and then: Man: Ahahaha yes that is indeed true... By the way... would you mind becoming the single lonely mother of my children? Moral: skipped most of school classes... class ... overrated...

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Decaffeinated coffee is like a hooker who only wants to cuddle.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

HERE COMES NERO! Ladies get your red thumbs ready, guys... Fuck off with all due respect.. To the ladies. Me: Who am I? Woman: Nobody as far a I care... Me: :D MORAL: I am Nobody, Nobody is PERFECT!

thumb_up thumb_down +147

You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Five dollar women... WOO!

thumb_up thumb_down -109

i am with stupid l l l \/

thumb_up thumb_down +211

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

thumb_up thumb_down +66

I have never dated a horse-faced woman before :)

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Hey baby, wanna make $50?

thumb_up thumb_down +216

Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

thumb_up thumb_down -79

- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!