Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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#1 You're breath smells like Skittles, can I taste the rainbow? No, because , while mine may smell like Skittles, yours reeks. #2 Girl: Hey, I got this new Kiss Proof lip gloss, wanna try it out? (there are 2 answers to this) 1.Boy: Well, yours may be Kiss Proof, but mines not, and I don't have time to re-apply this after 2. Yeah, I do want to try it out, but not with you.

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-So, what are you doing later? -Not you.

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Hello my name is Horny and... oops... I got it wrong didn't I?

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

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Girl, now I want you to be on top! Okay, what position? DOGGY STYLE! Moral: Sickman Fraud, with that name smart people should listen with one eye open, while geniuses keep their eyes and ears shut.

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-Are you Jamaican 'cos jamaican me crazy! -... *stabs*

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

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Man - How was your trip from heaven? Woman - Great... until now.

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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girl, are you a christian? Sure... Do you believe in me? I dont even know you! Well, met God? No? You love him!

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Knock Knock... Who's there Want Want who Want who fuck

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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jack sanders

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-Excuse me do you know how much a polar bear weighs? -Enough to break the ice? -Ummm... yea... *silence*

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!