Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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Guy: Hey baby, did you come by car? Girl: No I walked. Guy: Well I can make you come in mine.

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Your face is like mace, every time i see if i get blinded

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Those pants are very becoming on you, of course if i were on you id be cu.mm.ing too

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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Male: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put I and U together Female: You don't have to do anything because N and O are already together

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Hey, girl. Looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need is U

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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Are you an angel? ... cause I have an erection!

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Lady: Is your name REAAAAAAAAALLY Moral? Moral: Stupid big titted bimbo... seems im getting laid tonight...just like I was today, and by midday and... yeah lie.. I mean brag a lot I do not have sex THAT many times a day... okay I lied again... Anyway vote me for president at least I am honest... well actually that was a lie but...

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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Drunk woman enters what she thinks is a bar... (how original). "man gets close to her" Woman: You men are all dogs! Man: Bark bark! Woman: No need to get cheeky with me asshole! Man: Bark bark... Woman proceeds to pass out and wake up at a kennel... "Mandog": Bark bark. Moral: If you think every man is a dog, then you may just be bark barking the wrong tree... or place... I mean dont expect to find nice men at a dirty bar, and dont expect to find horny jerks at your church reunion. (A moral man original... and I actually like this one!)

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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rohypnol. rape drug

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!