hey baby i just came in my pants

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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cockface

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boy: my dick is 10 inches girl: mine's too

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Do you come here often? Because you're usually working the streets whenever I see you.

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I take the the out of psychotherapist

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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Roses are red, something something, I am just too desperate to concentrate please let me just put it in you.

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Guy: want to hear a joke about my penis. don't worry, it's too long Girl: want to hear a joke about my vagina. don't worry, you won't get it

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Q: What did Tommy do when it was time to go to bed? A: Go to bed. Q:What did Tommy do when it was time to wake up? A: Kill him self.

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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Shy-guy: Hey uh, girl, we have been on like 40 dates, what do you um... You know say we go to my place for once and have some drinks? Shy-girl: Eh, well su-sure I mean its been over forty dates, but ill just take coffee if its oka... Shy-guy: OMG YOU DAMN EASY SKANK! HOLY SHIT YOU WHERE GONNA GIVE IT ALL WHERE YOU NOT? LOL NO TIME FOR DESPERATE BlTCHES! Moral: Not to be confused with the slightly less popular Nintendo character Shy Guy

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!