Glass Basketball

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Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

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Did anyone ever tell you you smell like Catalina? Did anyone ever tell you you smell like a cat?

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Baby if you were homework, I would do you all the time

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man-hey baby you wanna go somewhere girl-no thanks hells over there

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You're so hot I'd do you sober.

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So when' the baby due?

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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Guy: Da da da da da! I'm loving it. (looks at girl's crotch)

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"You'll do."

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Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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are you on fire?

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Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!