Guy: Hey baby, you must be a general, because you're making my PRIVATES stand at attention! Girl: Hmm..they're still a MAJOR disappointment.

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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M: You make me wanna be a terrorist! W: Why? M: I so wanna blow on you right now...

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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Hey girl, you must have fallen from heaven, because you're so old you should have died already and so ugly that they must have kicked you out as soon as you got there.

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Man - Hey you're kinda pretty! Woman - Um thanks... Man - Whoa slow down! I said kinda.

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Husband: I will always get breakfast and newspapers in bed AT 5:30 baby, but not wake me when you wake up at 4:30

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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Mom im sixteen and after watching some japanese cartoons and dads gone, I wonder if I can... Son please put your pants back on! But mom! Im the man in the house now, so I invited my friends so you and I can have a stamina sex contest and... Moral: If she does not tell you to put up your pants... Well, you are the man in the house son ;)

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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Would you like to be the lone mother of my children?

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Woman: Seriously you are like the perfect man, I barely even met you and want to marry you already! What is your name by the way? Guy: My name is Le Petite Chessedeburger Withnowhitesauce! Woman: I am gay by the way, gotta go feed my uh... my wife yeah my wife.

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At a bar (another real life one): Man: You sort of look like a woman from a certain angle... I am so drunk I can pretend you are a woman all night long! ????: I AM A WOMAN! Man: How can we fix this so you can come home with me? Moral: Becoming unpopular was my goal, but third next to Justin Beiber? Maybe I overdid this a bit...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!