"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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Boy: can i have your number? Jewish girl *pulls up sleeve*

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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M: Hey whats up? W: My Dick!

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You want to sleep with me and i want to sleep with you. I'm at least half right.

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Babe your dad is an terorist because your a real bomb !!!

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Male: Man, if we were married... Female: What? We'd make beautiful children? Male: No, I'd leave your sorry, and ungrateful ass and make you stay with the kid.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Penis. I got it

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Are you from Tennessee? Because we are both in Tennessee and I thought asking where you grew up would be a good way to get to know you better.

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- hey baby i wanna show you something - wait i wanna show you something too -what is it? -my fists

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it Man: It's ok, it was probably too dirty for me anyways.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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I hate you already.

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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You smell just like my mom...

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adam burdass

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!