That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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You don't sweat much for a fat girl, do ya?

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

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Hey baby, have you ever been to Uranus? No? Well I am about to.

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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you work at subway? cuz you givin me a footlong;)

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He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

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Hey, i looked up the word beauty in the thesaurus and your name was mentioned there. ..... in the antonyms

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

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I'm heading back to my place. You want to come? Sorry, you strike me as a person who comes all by himself.

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Do you know why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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- Can I buy you a drink? - Yes, providing you f**k off immediately afterwards and I never have the misfortune to see or smell you ever again.

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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—hey girl, how about you give me your phone number and I'll pay half of your order. —sure *passes a paper and paid for the things. The girl walked away* The boy flips open the paper "911, call my dad and ask for me"

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-Did it hurt? When you fell from Heaven? -Are you implying that I'm satan?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!