Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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You wanna go somewhere? Yeah, where? The Swingers Association.

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Sung to the melody of Ozzy`s: "Moral Man" HEES THE MORAL MAN, IIIS HEE MORAL OR IS HE DEAD? HEES THE MORAL MAN AAARE THERE MORALS INSIDE HIS HEEAD. Moral: NOOO THERE ISNT! ONLY IMMORAL INSIDE! AND ILL KEEP POSTING, ONLY TO CRUSH YOUR INSIDES! *guitar solo begins*

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I'm your Edward and your my Bella

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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How'd you like to earn 14 dollars, the HARD way?

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-There's a 'U' in beautiful. -Yeah, and there's a 'U' in ugly.

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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-What would you say if I asked you to marry me? -Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

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Male: I would die for you... Female: Prove it

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-Go on ,don’t be shy. Ask me out. -Okay, get out.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Guy: What're you doing Friday night? Girl: Not you.

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- If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. - Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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Hello little girl would you like some candy, yes? ;-)

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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Male: If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. Female: If you were an ass, I would kick you first.

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How much do you like peanut butter?

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Nice Shirt. It would look better on my bedroom floor.

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!