Him: I've got something that will fill you up. Her: Sorry, I'm looking for a meal, not an appetizer.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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You smell just like my mom...

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Hey baby, if I could rearrange the alphabet U and I would have sex.

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

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B:wanna go out sometime? G:I'll go out now and get away from you.

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Guy: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Girl: If I could rearange the alphabet, I'd put F and U together

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!