Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

thumb_up thumb_down -92

You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +109

A couple wanted to try something different in the bedroom, The wife suggests they do it in a 69 position so they get into position but the wife lets one off in the husbands face she apologises and they try again when the wife farts again the husband gets up to leave and says no I don't think I can do this another 67 times!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

thumb_up thumb_down +579

- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Drink this!

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Does the carpet match the drapes? -Do I look bald?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

thumb_up thumb_down +31

I take the the out of psychotherapist

thumb_up thumb_down +2

"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

thumb_up thumb_down +70

i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

thumb_up thumb_down +99

-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

thumb_up thumb_down +55

-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

thumb_up thumb_down +147

(Guy mumbles a bit, then says): You don't know me, but can I get you a drink? Yeah, sure... OK. HAHAHAA!!! Before I asked if you wanted a drink I mumbled "Do you want to have sex"? And you said yes! HAHAHAA!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +122

Are you a unicorn cause u sure look horny girl:are u a turtle cause ur really slow ur the 10th guy to hit on me.....in 5 minutes

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Girl: Did it hurt when you were thrust through the ash-filled layers of Hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +128

Are you a magnet because I'm attracted to you No, but I am trained in several martial art, so get the heck away from me

thumb_up thumb_down +85

the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

thumb_up thumb_down -69

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down -3

he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!