Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

Him: Nice legs. What time do they open? Her: Members only, I'm afraid,

At a bar. M: I so wanna sex you! W: What? :) M: What part of sex did you not get? VAGINA! W: You have problems with your heart? (angina) :( M: Stop screwing with me bitch! W: I dont have no itch... :/ *The man gets insulted and leaves* Woman: Cute guy, I wish I wasn't nearly deaf though... Moral "patience is a virtue?" Hell no! The guy got laid with 6 women that day so the moral is "The more people listen to what you have to say, the more you will get laid this day, and a deaf woman is a challenge if she aint your way"

Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Damn you're hot!

why can't a black person play baseball because the steal bases

Woman- is your penis erect? Male- no just FULL SIZED Woman- woah

Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

I'd hit that.... with a truck.

Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

free candy....

- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

I'll eat your poop

Excuse me, is the red bike outside yours? Because it is parking illegally, I'll have to take your details so I can report you to the authorities...

TURRETES (or however you spell it) GUY ON PICKUP! Man: IM GONNA RAPE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man: I mean... I tried to say you seem nice...:( Moral: BOB SAGET!

hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

Roses are red Violates are blue Get in the van I have a gun.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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