Male: Want to hear a story about my d--k? Nevermind, it's too long. Female: Want to hear a story about my vagina? Nevermind, you won't get it.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

HE ; " MY NAME'S BOND, JAMES BOND" SHE;" MY NAME'S ****, **** OFF!"

thumb_up thumb_down +56

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -107

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +120

Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

thumb_up thumb_down -101

hey baby, are you on your menstrual cycle? No i came on my honda!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

As a man I am afforded greater opportunity then my equally qualified female counterparts. I have made it a life goal use this opportunities for greater good.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Roses are red Violets are fine You be the 6 And I'll be the 9

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

You look like a dog... Wana bone?

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilised.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Get your coat love. I've got a knife

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Sugar-free sugar cookies

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Criminals are even more smarter these days My wife woke me up in the middle of the night and said that there were burglars downstairs so I went quietly looking for them when I realised I'm not married

thumb_up thumb_down -119

Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

thumb_up thumb_down -81

- Did it hurt? - Yes.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

thumb_up thumb_down +56

How much does a polar bear weight? Enough to break the ice... and throw you into the freezing water and drown you, because you're really ugly.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!