Guy: What does a girl like you doing to a place like this? Girl: Trying to get away from you

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

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A guy asks a girl in the bar if he can buy her a drink she denies saying that alcohol is bad for her legs the guy asks why do they swell? No. they spread.

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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At bar Man: Uh... um... wanna come home see my star wars board games collection? Woman: SURE! Man: *Heart attack*

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Do you wanna be a pirate ship? Because there can be tons of seamen inside of you.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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so... you're a girl,huh?

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- Grab your coat, you've pulled - Okay, Bye!

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That outfit looks great on you.. .. It would look even better crumpled up in a pile in an evidence bag

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- How do you like your eggs in the morning? - Unfertilized !

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I have a gun.

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If your right leg was Thanksgiving and your left leg was Christmas, could i come between the holidays?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have a gun so get in the van.

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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-Hi. Didn’t we go on a date once? Or was it twice? -Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhyming get in the van.

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-Did it hurt -What when i fell from heaven? -No when you fell from the ugly tree and hit every single branch on the way down

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GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!