Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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Seriously tho mah bebeh... Did you ask for a Pepsi or mah cocka-colah?

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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You know, I had a great pickup line, but I just forgot it.

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i would traval the earth for you. well then im going to the moon.

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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your beauty surpasses that of the greek goddess aphrodite.

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Guy:When I drugged you, then dragged you all the way to my place and banged the hell out of your ass? I also managed to get my entire fist in and out of your ass several times. Moral: Wanna go out with me?

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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man: you look like my favorite girl. Girl: is that so? Man: yupp, best dog i ever had.

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Get in the van.

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Man: *Pokes Woman* Ouch! You burned me! Woman: How did I burn you? Man: Because you're just THAT hot. ;) Woman: *Pokes Man* Well it's too bad you're not.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Me: Honestly, I just want to RAPING you. Woman: YES PLEASE! Me: Fuck off its not RAPING it its consensual... Moral: Yeah sometimes they say yes, its when they say no I become shadow made flesh... ...And wait for you... Am I here?... NOPE Ill get you rawr I will now stalk you silently for hours... days... Anyway im bored your nothing ... Moral: SAY YES YOU MUCKING MIDIOT!

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-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!