Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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-Hey baby, are you from Tennessee? Because you're like a solid 7.

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

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-I lost my phone number. Can I have yours? -No.

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-You look like a dream. -Go back to sleep.

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together. - No, it's okay. 'N' and 'O' are already together.

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Hey baby, wanna make $50?

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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Guy:Are you wearing space pants, cause that ass is out of this world! Girl:No, they're baseball pants, cuz this ass is out of your league.

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Hello I am a violent rapist, oh wait I meant to say my name first and the other much later... Moral: its official you suck!

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Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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Well there's the exit, will you go out with me?

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!