Me noob days the triology... Or something like that. Girl: So you looking for company or sex or something? Me: Something like that. Girl: Cool because you see my friend over there, he is gay too and...*breaking bad Doc tells Walter he has cancer sound* Last time I painted my nails black just because IT LOOKED FUCKING AWESOME OKAY!

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

thumb_up thumb_down -27

You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back becausemfalling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -81

Girl: Hey, why don't you and I go out to dinner? Guy: Thanks, but if I wanted to watch a whore stuff her face full of meat, I'd just load up Redtube.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

Male: (Pulls Female in close, strokes her hair, and mutters 'My precious' over and over to himself)

thumb_up thumb_down -24

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Man: Yeah I have done it with thousands of women all around the world... THOUSANDS! Woman: Okay... then ill come home with you, I want an experienced man to be my first... At his house: Woman: I AM SCARED! Will it hurt? Its my first time and... Man: I dunno! I am scared as Its my first time too! :( Moral: A man whose is scared of sex... pfffffff!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special.

thumb_up thumb_down +121

You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

thumb_up thumb_down -119

Boy-That's a nice outfit. Girl-Thanks!!! Boy- It would look even better scrunched up at the end of my bed.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

thumb_up thumb_down -101

-I like my woman like I like my coffee... without a penis

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

thumb_up thumb_down -15

hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Hi girls... whos coming home with me? And please dont reject me because I am a rich man and rejection makes me throw thousand dollar bills at random.

thumb_up thumb_down +159

Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

thumb_up thumb_down +199

How much does a polar bear weigh? On average 1135 lbs.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!