here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Your teeth remind me of a song Which one? Black and Yellow

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

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- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

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HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

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I am terribly sorry for talking to you, but I was wondering if...

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Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

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Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

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imgonna r@pe you

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You allergic to semen?

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M - wanna have some fun? F - No! M - 0k, i have no choice but to rape you!

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Girl: Wanna see my dick? Man: WHAT? Moral: This actually started out as me just mixing up the girl and guy part...

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Man: Oh crap I don't have a condom Woman: Don't worry I have one

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You must be a parking ticket. Because you are dressed like i'd have to pay.

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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Guy: Do you have a mirror in your pocket... Girl: Why? Because you can see yourself in my pants, I've heard that before. Guy: No, I want to check how I look before I go over and talk to your sister.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!