Do you know karate? Because I'd like to kick you in the face.

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? -To get to the other side.

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Guy : your looking well! Girl: awh thanks Guy: You must have shaved this morning.....waaaaaay

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Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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"Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes." "They always say that before they go to sleep."

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He - Hey Dreamboat! She - *turns around He - No you, shipwreck

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Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

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You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

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Do your parents have Down Syndrome? Because your really special.

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

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-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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"Hey, I have the feeling i've seen you before somewhere..." "Well, could be, I used to be a porn actress.

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Superman enters a bar: Superman: Ladies... who wants to try out my newly developed "super orgasmi-power"? Women: Did you not die? Superman: Uh no... it was just a uh... healing coma... *All the women fall into a "healing coma* Superman: *scratches head* Well... I kinda asked for this... Moral:*Healing coma*

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Male: Do you know if there is an airport around here? Cause my heart took off, when I saw you... Female: Yeah? Well my heart crashed in the Hudson River when I saw you!

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-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

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Man: Hello there! I am a gynecologist, may I study your vagina? Woman: NO! Man: DAMN THIS ONE NEVER WORKS! DAMMIT! Moral: Duh...

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And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!