"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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Hey baby, you make me wanna get a job.

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Get your coat love. I've got a knife

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Hi, I've taken like 8 dumps today... Wanna dance?

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side. (;

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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And then one day God invented man, the worlds third most useless invention. Moral: I cant stop laughing, thank you everybody I actually got top grades in sociology studies for this moral man crap XD

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!