-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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- you are in my mind everyday - and your in my way

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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With the escalating price of rohypnol, most girls aren't worth my attention.

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-I wish i were DNA helicase so i could unzip your genes. -You're a loser

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Guy: Would you like to dance? Girl: no Guy: Good! Because I have to go take a shit!

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-Get in the Van

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

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Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd like to tap that ass.

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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At a ... PUB! Man: Hey... wanna... go out with a true shinob i ninja? ;) Woman: Are you not supposed to be invisible or something? Man: You can see me? SHIT! (runs away). Moral: So what if she saw you you are all covered in a pajamas anyways...

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Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

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I like your shirt, it would look better in my pants

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Hey wanna smash pissers?

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"Do you like me?" "Do pigs fly?"

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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Sugar-free sugar cookies

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!