-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

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- Hey do you wanna hang out? - I'm 17.

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Guy: what do this pickup line and your face have in common? Girl: what? Guy: they are both poorly constructed.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Excuse me, is your father a gardener? No. Why? Because he keeps leaving all his dry leaves on my sidewalk please tell him to clear it!

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

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Have you just been fishing? The strong fishy smell seems to be coming from you.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Are you a parking ticket? Cause you got fine written all over you.

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A man walks up to the woman, and says, "I'd like to take you on a date. How about dinner tonight?" The woman agrees, and they both have a wonderful time at a fancy Italian restaurant.

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!