Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Man: Are you a beach? Cause I'm sure there's a lot of crabs crawling around down there

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-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

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I put the STD in STuD all i need is U!

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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guy: do you like sea food? girl: hell yes, I got crabs, would you like some

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Hey baby wana come over for dinner? Sure whats cookin? Your dead body after I kill ur ugly face derrp

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Man - I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Woman - Good cus' your breath stinks!

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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Are you from Wales, because...well...

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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So do you want tonight to be consensual or not?

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Roses are red, violets are blue I thought I was ugly, but then I met you

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Want to get a pizza and fuck? What you don't like pizza?

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hey girl, were you in 9/11? cause I'll never forget you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!