roses are red, violets are blue, i have a gun get in the van

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I may not be the best looking guy in the room, but I'm the only one talking to you.

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If I had chloroform and a rag, you'd be waking up in a closet tomorrow.

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You know how I know we're going to have sex, tonight? I'm bigger than you.

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-If you are looking at a girl and she says What are you looking at? -I thought you were good looking, but I was mistaken.

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

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Do you have a mirror in your pants, because it looks like you have a dick.

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"Next!"

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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Hey you should let me have sex with you! Why? Because I'm going to do it anyway!

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Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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Man: Hey! Are you into stuff like violence robbery rape cheating orgies machismo torture and pedophilia? ;) ;) Girl: WHAT? NO! Man: Ok me neither so you qualify to come home with me. Girl: Well... that honestly makes you better than most of the lot... why not... so yeah lets go!

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Do you have Groupon? *wait for response* Because you look fucking cheap

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-how much does a polar bear way. -half as much as you (for fat girls)

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Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Nice hair, can I pull it?

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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Guy: are you AT&T because you are raising my bar Girl: Sorry I use Verizon. it has better 4G coverage

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!