-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

thumb_up thumb_down +111

He: Did it hurt? She: Aww when I fell from heaven? Thanks! He: No, when you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down. She:...

thumb_up thumb_down +83

man: would u please me with a blowjob girl: cant u be romantic ? man: would please me with a blowjob at the sunset

thumb_up thumb_down +169

Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

thumb_up thumb_down -183

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

And then it hit me.....no really now I'm bleeding

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Boy: Do you have a boyfriend? Girl: I don't have a boyfriend but I have a Girlfriend !

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Male - Hey girl, do you want to dance? Female - No. Male - C'mon, lower your standards a little....I did.

thumb_up thumb_down +76

Man and girl talking: Girl: ARE YOU GETTING A HARDON? Man: You think I am a pervert or something? Of course not! Its just the hamster I keep between my ballsack!

thumb_up thumb_down -150

Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

thumb_up thumb_down +41

fancy going halves on a bastard?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

BOY-i love you GIRL-(sneezes) sorry im allergic to bullshit

thumb_up thumb_down +143

- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

thumb_up thumb_down +141

Guy: Hey want to hear a joke about my penis? No wait it's too long Girl: Hey want to hear a joke about my vagina? No wait you won't get it.

thumb_up thumb_down -80

Girl - You smell nice, what have you got on? Boy - I have a hardon but i didn't think you could smell it.

thumb_up thumb_down +114

Hey babe, if you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Oh really? Because if you were a pokemon, I'd fight you, win and not even bother to capture you.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Hey do you like mansauce? Moral: MORAL KOOOOOOMBAAAAAAAAAAT!

thumb_up thumb_down +179

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!