-Hey, what's your sign? -I don't know, but yours must be Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

male: hey wanna ride female: STRANGER DANGER!

thumb_up thumb_down +86

-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Mens most noob things to say during sex: "Thank you" "Do I really get all this for free?" "Sure you don't want me to pay you?" "MOTHER!" *crying* "You`re wet down there! Did you just pee yourself? DISGUSTING!!!" "I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!" "STOP SUCKING CUZ IM ABOUT TO CUM!!"

thumb_up thumb_down -22

If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Damn gurl, are you a microwave? Cause for sure you are burning me hot.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Dude: Do you have insurance on you ass? Gal: Why? Dude: Because Im about to hit it. Gal: I hope you have insurance on your face (punch).

thumb_up thumb_down -85

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Guy- Hey, wanna come back to my place? Girl- Umm... I don't think 2 people can fit in that box...

thumb_up thumb_down -96

I wish my sister was as hot as you.

thumb_up thumb_down +97

-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

thumb_up thumb_down +46

I've got a black belt in lovin'.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

thumb_up thumb_down -44

He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A: Wanna go get some pizza and then have sex at my place?? B: No.. B: U don't like pizza? Some chinees then?

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Girl, I wish you were a car door, cause I'd slam you all night

thumb_up thumb_down -29

- You're a bombshell! - Too bad it ain't gonna BANG!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Don't turn this rape into a murder.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

male- are you from Tenessee female- why? am I the only ten you see? male- no, i was just going to say you look a little inbred.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!