-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Hey, are you an angel? Because you smell like you've been dead for a while

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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Are you cute? Because lets go get taco bell.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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Boy- Didi it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until i saw you.

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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Man: Hey there cutie... what is your name? Woman: Eve... Man: Wanna hang out or something? Woman: Hell no you ugly bastard! I mean at least put on a leaf or something! God: "Facepalm". Moral: The ultimate pickup failure, in this alternative reality, it was also the last and only one. (plays twilight zone theme in your ears)

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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Why was the little boy crying? Because he dropped his hamster in the garbage disposal

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At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

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can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

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hello my name is pogo would you like to jump on my stick?

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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BOY: Are you thinking what im thinking? GIRL: I dont know, what are you thinking? BOY: both of our bum cracks smell like buttery popcorn, i like popcorn :)

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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Male: Are you from Tennessee? Female: Why? Male: Cus you look like an inbred hick

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!