-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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Hey baby, my name is Richard Gozinia. But my friends call me Dick. Dick Gozinia.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Me: it smells in here Her: its maybe my perfume! Me: no i let a glorious fart fallowed my an ass crapping on my foot

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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I know who you are, and where you live. Can we meet there later?

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You're so beautiful you could be a tree... Or a high class prostitute

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- I can make your bed rock. - Oh yeah? An earthquake can too..

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- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

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MAN: You wanna know what's beautiful? Read the first word again. WOMAN: You wanna know what's desperate? Read the first word again!

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Roses are red. Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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My friend and I flipped a coin to see who will ask you out and I won.

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Little guy: I also beat Mike Tyson with my fists! Woman: Meh, from what I heard you beat some nobody named Mr.Dream! Little guy: Damn you Nintendo! Moral: He sure was not a big mac... more like a little ma.. baaaah you wont get it anyways!....

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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I dont have sex on the first date - only if the opportunity comes

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Would you like to come home with me you wetback spic?

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I love you more than my jar of fingers.

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Guy: Thanks Girl: Why? Guy: Cuz you made me get rid of that boner

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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(Based on a few real life experiences) Man: Hey girl wanna hang out an.. Girl: OMG IMMA ORGASMIN YES I COME WIT YOU AND WE HAVE WILD SAX IN MAH DERTY PUSSY AND THEN YOU LIKK MY ASS GOOD AND CLEEN! Man: Uh... I think I left my wallet im my pocket... which I think is in my fridge.. at home... gotta go before the house burns down you know... "runs off"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!