- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

I like your eyes. My eyes don't like you.

Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

Wherever: Hi I am Tom Green! or Hey there, I am Jamie Kennedy! Moral: Hey there I am neither one of them, I am however the worlds third most pointless invention according to this site. (well strictly spoken, I am a lawyer, lol self irony)

-Eeeeeeeey girl how much does a polar bear weigh? -An adult male weighs around 350–680 kg (770–1,500 lb),[4] while an adult female is about half that.

GET INTO DA CHOPPAH! Moral: IM LIEUTENANT JOHN KIMBLE! I HAVE A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IMMEDIATELY! Whoos your daddy? YOU STAP IT! YOU IDIEOUT!

I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

hey bitch

- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? - No but I scraped my knees when I climbed up from hell

-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

A 85 year old man was at a bar, he goes up to the first hot thing he sees and asks do I come here often?

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

Her: Guess what? Him: What? Her Yo Mama! Him: Is she that slut i did last night?

Guy: Do you like me? Girl: No Guy: ..... Girl: You didn't ask me if I loved you! Guy: Do you love me? :D Girl: No

- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

-Darling, I will never stop pursuing you. Even from the ends of the earth, I will follow you wherever you go. Really, I love you that much. -"Honey", I will call the police and have you thrown in jail for stalking me. Really, I hate you that much.

- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

What's the difference between a duck? An orange

Hey! Doesn't this rag smell of chloroform?

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book