A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Girl, do you believe in love by first sight? Uh maybe... Okay, let me see if those titties of you are real or wonderbra or silicone or whatever... Moral: You are fantastic, you know who you remind me of? Myself ;)

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Shorts and pants compilation: Hey you a cheap prostitute or just out of my league? Hey mom I just watched some more hentai today and wonder if you would... Why are you screaming? Its just me naked with a boner! According to hentai its completely natural! I mean I am getting to do you when I turn eighteen right? No? You are a horrible mother! I am so telling dad you wont give it up! Bitch, you like men that beat you up while fucking you? You do? Oh, my! This is like too freaky too me! *runs out girlie screaming* Dad, I watched some other hentai today and, I wonder if you... Moral: *Pants*, there you go.

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Man: There is a U and I in beautiful Woman: Ya, but there is only a U in ugly

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-Are you an angel? -Yeah...actually I am. I remember you-aren't you the guy that fell out of heaven? So THAT'S why your face is so screwed up.

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Oh hotness I wanna bang you!

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He: If i were a carpenter i would nail you She: If i were a hammer i would hit you

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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who wants to play EPAR

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Glass Basketball

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-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

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Hey girl... U remind me of my pinkie toe.. Ur small cite and I'll probably bang u on the coffee table later

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

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I'm jealous of every girl that hugs you, Because for that one second she held my entire world.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

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-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

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Hey you must be Jabba the slut from Starwars... why are you crying? Moral: Moral is half the battle

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McDonald's isn't the only thing that is super-sized...

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Man: Hey, want to go back to my apartment and engage in intercourse? Woman: No

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!