I was a little bit nervous to talk to you at first, but thankfully my Aides encouraged me to do it.

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Damn you look good in beer goggles.

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

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Baby, I love every muscle in your body... Especially mine.

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-You are so lovely. -DOES NOT COMPUTE...

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Guy - Hey baby, what's your sign? Girl - ?

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Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

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girl:go away! boy:okay girl:i need space boy:okay just one meter girl: no i"m not kidding boy:i know girl:my mother hate's you boy:i hate her too.! girl:we are now break boy:okay i"m hungry lets eat! girl:you don't understand me boy:no i"m understand you girl:you are philosopher i hate you boy:what? girl:nothing at the end of the story they loved each other

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If i don't have sex in 30 seconds i'll have to kiss you

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Guy: You look two times as beautiful with makup on. Girl: Really? I think you would too.

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Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have a mac10. GET IN THE VAN.

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Boy- I'm heading back to my place. Want to come? Girl-Sorry you strike me as a person who cums all by himself.

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Hey baby you looking for a stud? Cuz I've got the STD and all I need now is U

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your almost as hot as my wife

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hey your pretty... pretty ugly!

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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Hey baby wanna come back to my place? Goo-goo ga-ga

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are you from tennessee? because your license plate said it.

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Real life number XX: Girl: I will only sleep with you if you bring along your hot friend over there. Me: Uh, like a threesome with a guy? Uh... Maybe let me think about it... At nighttime: Me: Hey Tobias, she said yes about screwing with me if you join in, but I swear I will kick your ass if you touch me! Tobias: Like if I touch you sexually? Me: Yeah! duh! Tobias: WHY?! Not even like a little? Moral: Not as much a anti-joke as the weirdest thing I ever experienced...

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Do you have an STD? No. DO you want one??

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Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!