Have you heard of that new movie "Other People"? Cuz thats what i wanna see.

Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

He: Do you like aardvarks? She: No. He: Neither do I, I'm Harold...

-Hey Baby, wanna date? -No thanks, I'm allergic to fruits

Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

Hey babe, how about my mom drives us to the comic book store in her Civic? I got a carseat with seat belts for two.

- How 'bout we go to your place and take a shower together? - I think my husband and little baby would get a kick out of that!

I put the STD in Stud all I need is U

-Roses are red, violets are... -SHOW ME YOUR TITS

-Insert man's line here- -Wanna get laid?- -TOTALLY!- -Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.-

girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

If I could rearrange the period table, I would put Uranium and Iodide together ;)

How much does a polar bear weigh? 1000 pounds

You look just like my sister! That's funny,... CUZ IM A DUDE

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I take a shit I think about you bitch *flushes the toilet*

Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

The anti part of below comment, may be the fact that its going to get thumbed down to Hades. Moral: They see me rollin, they envious... women that look like supermodels that work as jurists dont come easy... unless you are Moral Man. *Plays moral man theme* (Character inspired by Salvador Dali, I mean what greater inspiration than the man that celebrated each day as he woke up in the body and mind of the greatest man ever? Me? Same, but I also wake up next to the greatest woman ever.)

- Do you have the time? - Sure, if you have the place!

- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

Miss excuse me but... Moral: Admitt it fucker, you cant pick up a girl by apolgizing for whatever you are gonna do beforehand. GIMME FIVE! (red thumbs, red is the color of love or something)

Are you on your period, because there's a blood stain on your pants

Hey good looking, what some mayonnaise?

*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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