Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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I'll eat your poop

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Your parents must be assholes...because you're the shit.

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B: Hey C do you wanna go out with me? C: Sorry B I only go out with guy's who come after me

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Man- How much do 2 polar bears weigh? Woman- I don't know? Man- Enough to break the ice, heyy.(;

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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Nielsen: Nice beaver! Woman: Thanks! Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice p*ssy Woman: Ah! Thank you! (cat meows) Nielsen: No I mean you have a nice wet vagina. Woman: Is this in the script? Director: CUT! Nielsen: What? Cant a man improvise? I mean OJ does it, and he is quite the nice fella... Moral: "Quite the nice fella" Yeah reminds me of good old dad, nice to everyone, and could take a lot of shit, but as much as I asked him how he was doing, I got an uppercut to the face and a nice trip in a ambulance... Started when I was 4, I crushed his upper Jaw in self defense when I was 16... ah... hmm... Why am I sharing this? Then again why not... When have I not spoken my mind.

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Can I have this dance? Sure just give me a minute to load my gun

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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Man - I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Woman - Not mine!

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I hope you know CPR, because you so ugly you take my breath away

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M: Wanna play dynamite? W: what's that? M: I lie on my back and you blow the sh** out of me.

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I have a really big..... Bank Account

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Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

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Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

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Your hair is really beautiful. Thanks. Can I make a wig out of it?

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Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!