You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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Hey baby me you CHOIN CHOIN under the moonlight..

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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-If I saw you naked, I'd die happy. -If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

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I have no gag reflex.

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Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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"Don't scream"

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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-Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots? -Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

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Walking to your car alone later?

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Your body would look good in my trunk.

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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- Your body is like a temple. - Sorry, there are no services today.

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!